More Monkey's

Sugar Spun's story reminded me of the time when I had the wife and the bairn as Stirling Safari park (probably the same monkey enclosure, as they are all dead now as well).

We had this big male monkey thingy clamber onto the car and after all the normal oh's n ah's you get from children in safari parks when animals get "that" close watched as it clambered up onto the roof of the car.

We sat quietly as it padded about for a while and then all went quiet.

I tweaked the electric mirror's to see that the fkr was doing it's best to chew the roof rail off the car..

How do I stop it? thinks I.

At this I went from first into second and just into third as quickly as the car would go and then...... braked as hard as I could.

Picture a hairy ball of pissed of monkey flying through the air and landing in an annoyed heap about oh 15/20 feet from the front of the car....

Lots of annoyed fangs and shrieks back at us before it ran off....

The rangers must have seen the whole thing as he was bent over the steering wheel of his jeep in gail's of laughter....

Caught yep well n truly, however only thing left to show for it was the teeth marks.
(Dark Matter All The Wonders In The World & We Invent Boredom, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 14:38, 18 replies)

yes i am sure he was laughing so hard at you endangering one of the creatures he is employed to care for
you made this up you cunt
(Dr. Geoff Honkington woof, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 15:00, closed)

I've just been through his old stories.
It's like a 'how to' guide to achieving QOTW Fail Hood.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 21:29, closed)

You should be paid for providing this service.

( Grampa, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 23:12, closed)

I fucking should.
It's probably a risk to my mental health reading some of the bollocks that goes up here.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 5 Jun 2010, 11:31, closed)

This is disgusting.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 15:09, closed)

i've already traced him via his IP and reported him to the RSPCA
Not having any boasting animal abusers on this board no sir
(Dr. Geoff Honkington woof, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 15:12, closed)

everyone in this thread has fucked your mother
including you
(likeajackhammer, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 15:19, closed)

What pissed me off most was the fact that he spelt 'gales' as wrong as possible without including numbers or Japanese characters or writing the words 'sneedle flipsock'.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 15:48, closed)

Maybe I'm just bad at physics, but I'm having a hard time visualising that.
15-20 feet's quite a long way. And would you have had enough distance to get up to that speed? There are usually lots of other cars on the trail.
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 16:18, closed)

Oh man this totally happened.
I also believe someone with the written English level of a 13 year old is old enough to be married with children.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 16:47, closed)

See, I do believe that. Stupidity transcends age, gender, class, skin colour, body type, fashion sense, masturbation habits...

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 17:53, closed)

Given a height of 2m (being generous and assuming a big 4x4)
and a downwards acceleration of 9.81m/s/s (and no friction... it's too late on a Friday for more complex physics) the monkey would hit the ground in 0.64 seconds.

To travel 15ft in that time, it'd have to be travelling at 7.2ish m/s- that's 16.1 mph. Assuming it was holding on fairly lightly, there's no reason that you couldn't fling it 15ft with a few second's worth of acceleration in a car- and as it's probably not used to that sort of behaviour it'll have been holding on pretty loosely.

And I believe the ranger would have laughed as well, so long as the monkey got up unharmed.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 16:56, closed)

I'd probably have laughed as well

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 17:17, closed)

You're assuming this actually happened.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 21:30, closed)

It did...... (and the monkey ran away)..
And I'm a tad surprised at just how many of you out there are happy to spend your time gazing this.

Suppose it keeps you busy if nowt else.

At this point I should no doubt enter a cock joke or a spelling mistake to give you something to laugh at or vent on but I cant be asred....
(Dark Matter All The Wonders In The World & We Invent Boredom, Mon 7 Jun 2010, 12:58, closed)

To be fair
Simians tolerence to pain is much much higher than ours, so wouldn't have hurt the monkey just pissed him off a bit. However didn't find it funny and if I'd seen someone doing that I would have helped the monkeys strip the vehicle ;)I'm off to monkey world this week, can't wait love the things especially tangs they rock!!
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Mon 7 Jun 2010, 13:13, closed)

Fair Do's
Fair do' on airing your opinion.

Strangely enough I now have a standing order care of the bairn for WWF.

I'll admit up front it was more of a reaction than a plan but as the monkey clearly wasnt hurt and made it clear he'd pull my face of given the chance I still feel able to have a "little" chuckle at it now.....
(Dark Matter All The Wonders In The World & We Invent Boredom, Mon 7 Jun 2010, 17:36, closed)

Fair enough
No bile from me. The monkey was alright, thats the main thing. I guess people had visions of the monkey flying through the air and landing on his head or something.. But you know why they attack the cars? They are trying to get enough parts to build their own vehicle....a honda accord I beleive.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 11:12, closed)