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This is a question Celebrity Encounters III

I once stood next to Ian Beale out of EastEnders in the gents' toilets at the BBC. BEAT THAT. Tell us of celebrity encounters that went well, or meetings with the famous that ended up as a complete disaster. (And we'll take it as read you've just made up a "I got touched up by Jimmy Savile" story, OK?)

Suggested by Munsta

(, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 13:19)
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I once met Albert Marshmallow in real life.
It was a few years ago.
I was a coffee machine salesman at the time and I'd been scouting around London looking for some property to complement my already burgeoning portfolio. I was looking for some advice as to how to finance more and more properties without having to actually pay the principal on the mortgage. His ideas seemed to be a bit off-the-wall at first - I mean really you have to pay the piper eventually no matter how much negative gearing you try to do. Right?
The conversation drifted around to women.

Ahhh. Fuckit. I can't be bothered.
I was going to do a whole spiel about him hacking email accounts to then gain access to potential employees' Out-boxes and look at their rude and nudey pictures.
Then I was going to try and weave in a tale about how such a gallant gentleman helped some stranded commuters on a day when London was brought to it's knees without being an opportunistic cunt in a any way shape or form. By ferrying people around on his scooter and charging them exorbitant fees. And how he then managed to pick up a sexy blonde but manage not to bed her.

Suffice to say that in my tale I was going to say that I supplied Alby a pre-release version of our latest coffee machine - the DuxNutz2014.
Suffice also to say that I'd christened it by taking out my big, long, greasy cock and pissing a veritable torrent of hot, yellow urine into the pod holder imagining that was his face, prior to delivery.

Wasn't there something about him doing shonkey and fairly creepy stalkerish rewrites of my posts at one time or another?
(, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 8:41, 1 reply)
Trouble is, Albert is beyond parody, as he's already a paragon of bullshit.
(, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 9:10, closed)

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