You already know I'm a prick, so this shouldn't do my reputation any damage:
A good friend of mine was son and heir to a stately home that was open to the public.

I spent several of my summers at his "house" (estate), from the age of ten - to me it was just a big house where my mate lived - my main concern was that he had loads of really good toys, and quickly a computer game console and games.

As we came of age, we started drinking in various low establishments, and one evening we agreed that we wouldn't tell any girls we met who he really was or where he lived.

Happily we both pulled, and both girls agreed to go home with us.

We "suggested" we go into the grounds of the stately home. Giggling, the girls agreed - what a laugh that would be!

We went up the massive driveway, and right past the house! More giggles - you guys!

Then 'round to the back! The girls were now starting to go beyond laughing. This is stupid now - stop it - we'll get into trouble.

Let's try and get into the house!

Seriously - stop it - we'll be in so much shit ...

My mate "picked" the lock (with his key), went in, and "hacked" the burglar alarm dear Christ if we get caught ...

My girl and I went down an old stone corridor, to explore. The blue moonlight bathed us, as it poured through the beautiful tall windows, the flagstones cold on our socked feet, and we crept stealthily along.

I "discovered" a room full of old furniture covered in dust sheets, including a massive chaise longue.

Great sex.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 9:54, 8 replies)

Time gentlemen
Some friends of mine used to run backstage bars at Glastonbury. I did bar work for them, a few shifts for free entry and the slightly nicer backstage camping. One year we were doing the New stage called 'new bands'

I was on the morning shift helping set up. I had my head under the bar sorting out some glasses when a voice that had dictated my record buying for years said 'excuse me could I have a pint of bitter please I looked up there stood John Peel. I stood up to serve him.

"we're not open yet" barked the manager in charge of the shift
"but it's bloody John Peel!"
"I don't give a fuck we're not open" then she went out to the lorry to sort some barrels.

I turned to John "sorry about that she's a bitch, pint of bitter coming up, on the house"

Then we chatted for a bit about who we were looking forward to seeing. He recommended someone I'd never heard of who turned out to be shite.

I had a little smirk when New band's got renamed to the John Peel stage
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 9:53, Reply)

I was having trouble recalling any others than Cannon & Ball...
which was a rather sad affair, but when i concentrated really hard and accessed the dark recesses of my brain, i remembered a few more.

Sheila Hancock was in a show at the West Yorkshire Playhouse on which i was working.

The cast from Will and Grace (except Debra Messing) at a recording in LA. Messing, the silly bint, had a prima donna moment during filming after she actually had to do some acting... Anyhoo, i digress, the other three, and Woody Harrelson, who was guest staring, were really nice.

Kelsey Grammer at another LA recording where Robbie Williams was next to us in the audience wearing some sort of boiler suit type shit. During his dropped-out-drugged-up phase. Cunt.

Patrice Evra in a Selfridges (Manchester) queue. He's very short.

Well, get me. Do all these make me some kind of Z-list celebrity-by-association?

EDIT: Oh, and i shared a jacuzzi with Matthew Kelly (game for a laugh - in the 80's).
( Another_tragic_case wished he hadn't eaten all the cake, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 9:53, Reply)

Met the Prodigy in May last year.
Thoroughly nice chaps.
I wanted to get a round in, but they were all on the bottled water.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 9:33, 6 replies)

I got the slipper at school...
...aged 7, for fighting with BBC News Correspondent Ben Ando. I think it was an argument about dinosaurs.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 9:25, 1 reply)

You know what he'd love? He'd really love it if someone came up to him and said his catchphrase ...
Oh, yeah, Ted! He'd love that! You should definitely do that!

Should I?

Oh, yeah. I'd say no-one ever does that to him. He'll think you're hilarious. You know, this is one of those times where I'm absolutely, one hundred million percent sure that you'll be doing the right thing. I can safely say that you definitely, definitely won't regret doing that.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 9:19, 3 replies)

I stood next to John Peel twice.
The first time he turned to me after one song and said 'they're rather good'.

Second time he said nothing. Stuck up cunt.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 9:12, 5 replies)

Stand back, stand back.
I had lunch with Josephine Tewson, and Toni Arthur from playaway signed my cast when I broke my leg when I was 7.
(username failed moderation, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 9:03, 1 reply)

Just so we're all the on the same page about how cool and nonchalant I am:
The concept of "Celebrity" is a crock of meaningless shit.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 8:45, 8 replies)

i sat near frank skinner
was at a kylie minougue concert mid 90's (the spinning around comeback) and frank skinner was sat in the row behind. only noticed when we all got up to leave at end of show
( nikdude, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 7:47, Reply)

Dad met my idol, Stephen Fry
My dad works in furnishing and was doing work at the only casino in the city (Perth,WA) when he noticed Stephen fucking Fry at the table across from him having the same drink he was. Took a photo but didn't approach him for a much-wanted autograph or the like since he didn't know at the time how much I loved the man. Twat.
The only other time I've been in the same city as Stephen Fry was when I was in London during the great snowfall of '08 and he got stuck in the elevator at the Mac store.
(Avnas dosh!, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 7:17, 1 reply)

In South Africa there was this time when I met Mandela. We got on famously and she even
allowed me to go to one of her necklacing parties. Never met Nelson.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 7:09, 1 reply)

Start with the most recent.
I met Matthew Reilly a couple of months ago at a seminar. I've read most of his stuff - not cause he's a literary giant but because as my yr. 12 Lit. teacher told me - "You've got to walk thru pigshit in order to appreciate the pearls." and Mr. Reilly's fast paced tales altho not on the same shelf as Huxley, Mishima, Burroughs or PJ O'Rourke are entertaining to say the least.
Anyhoo - nice fella, I was a bit taken back when I met him and hesitated shaking hands. He said "You were going to say I seem younger than you thought I would be weren't you? I get that a lot."
"Shorter actually, but who's counting?"
"Oh..."
"Nah, I'm just joshing [joking with] you. Babyface." He laughed at that. He is quite short.

I had an ongoing correspondence with Victor Kellerher who I first wrote to as part of a project in yr. 7. Some of his suggestions affected my approach to writing in a big way. Turned out that his son was born days after me in the same hospital (bearing in mind that this coincidence involves a hospital in a mining town on the middle of Fucking-No-Where in Africa). We wrote back and forth for a few years, I met him and his family when he came over to WA and I used to play in a BF2 clan with his son quite regularly a few years ago.

I cooked dinner for and met the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. I was working as sous at the Entertainment Centre. We cooked for all of the bands and crew.
Lawrie (chef) and I weren't big fans but we knew them to listen to and were a bit starstruck. We hoped to find them snorting coke off prozzie's tits whilst offering to share the rider with us prior to trashing the room, when we were invited upstairs to meet them.
They thanked us politely for their delicious soy & lemongrass fish stirfry, steamed pak-choy and couscous dinner whilst sipping their post show mineral waters and offered us some lapsang souchong to revive us before we headed down to help the dishpig finish up.

Spiderbait were MUCH more fun!
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 5:42, 8 replies)

I met Aussie rock star Ian Kenny
Okay, maybe not super-famous outside (or possibly even inside) Australia, but the Karnivool/Birds of Tokyo singer was at a gig I was attending. I asked him if he would mind coming over to meet my disabled friend who wasn't walking too well that night but really wanted to thank him for the music, and he gladly obliged. He was an utter gentleman in a way he didn't need to be, considering he was on a night out with his friends. His girlfriend was lovely, too. We had a good chat with her after the gig.

A few days later one of his bands were announced to be playing the AFL Grand Final which, for my countrymen back in the motherland, is kind of as big a deal as playing at the FA Cup Final.
(Rilux might be pregnant and has bum-aids, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 2:07, 2 replies)

Nutter on train
I was going to London on the train last Wednesday and as it got further south it filled up. When it got to Berkhampstead the seats were full so a man got on and decided to sit on the floor by the doors. At first I didn't think anything of it but then the ticket inspector appeared. She checked the guy's ticket and remarked to him, 'You know this is a first class ticket, don't you?' To which the man responded 'Yeah I don't care.' This peaked my interest so I checked this gentleman out for myself.
'Hang on a minute,' I thought to myself, 'that's Robin bloody Ince!'
For choosing the floor over first class I now hold him in the highest possible regard, a true gent.
(emptyspace, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 1:04, 6 replies)

Close enough
My brother does Viking reenactments. This entails dressing, drinking, fighting and living as one. There's a few groups around the country and often they meet at various festivals.
He was sat in one tent drinking when the subject of literature was raised. His novels of choice at the time was the game of thrones saga. Thus he launched onto a long rant about George Martin and what a greedy cunt he was to abandon his readers for whatever that tv channel is.

Instead of getting the raucous applause he was expecting he was met with stony silence followed by a girl from another group blubbering then running from the tent crying "you don't know how hard it is at Home!".

Tldr; George Martin's step daughter does Viking reenactments or possibly did...
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Fri 6 Dec 2013, 0:03, Reply)

I once saw Phil Jupitus doing fat man strides up Glasgow's Argyle Street.

(McChinaman banned, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 23:37, 3 replies)

former miss world aishwarya rai punched me in the back once

( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 23:18, 1 reply)

Henry The White
I once chased Lenny Henry around a Bournemouth hotel room in the late 70's with a can of my father's shaving cream trying to turn him white.
(CjR Mix, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 22:57, Reply)

I'll keep these brief
Because they're shit and I've told them before, anyway.

I was at a backstage bit with a bar at a festival several years back where the (then) Dr Who cast were also hanging about. Billie Piper and David Tennant were having a chat standing by the bar. I tapped Billie on the shoulder and she ignored me, so I did it again. Eventually she must have realised I wasn't going away because she turned around and forced a smile and said "Hello! Pleased to meet you, I'm Billie!". And I said "Oh. Er... Hi... Sorry, but could you move out of the way please, I'm trying to get to the bar?" She looked quite embarassed...

Also, Nightshade from Gladiators attended my Mum's 40th birthday party, and she knows Steve Redgrave to say hello to. And my dad claims to have been punched by Keith Moon, have beaten Rick Wakeman at pool, and that as a teenager he taught Wayne Fontana and the Mindbenders to bowl.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 22:53, Reply)

Liverpool.
I once stood next to Sir Paul McCartney at the bar when he played a one off gig at the new Cavern in 1999. All I could say was "Live and Let Die was the best Bond theme ever!" to which he said "cheers man" and went off backstage.

I should have countered that with "What the fuck was that frog song all about?" but I was trying to get served at the time. Sorry.
(Strump striving for imperfection since, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 22:34, 2 replies)

Richard Hearne.
That's right, Richard Fucking Hearne.
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 22:21, Reply)

I once saw Spike Lee in a shopping centre in Beijing.
I looked at him. He nodded slightly, as though to say, "Yes, it's me." Then he moved away between the jeans and shirts.
(McChinaman banned, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 22:18, 1 reply)

Ben Dover
I met British porn director/actor, Ben Dover, at a trade event a few years ago.

For the record, it's really difficult to have a conversation with someone when they're stood in front of a 52" plasma TV showing a video of themselves fucking someone up the arse...
(tinpixel, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 22:15, 1 reply)

I'll see your Ian Beale...(not literally)
And raise you a Lemmy, in the toilets of The Marquee club. It doesn't get much more Rock and Roll than that.

No I didn't look...just a brief nod of recognition in deference to a rock legend as I stepped up next to him

And I did tell my mates "You'll never guess who I've just had a piss standing next to"
(Ceasar Flunk can see your house from here, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 22:02, Reply)

I once rounded a corner and bumped into Ann Widdecombe.
I say bumped into, it'd be more accurate to say that I tripped over her, as she is very short.
I apologised, but she just scowled at me, never uttering a word. Terrifying woman.


I've been priapic, ever since.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 22:00, Reply)

By far the best encounter I had which was not sexual was when I ran into
Internet Lies down by the boardwalk. Internet Lies was on fine form and regaled me of tales of Honda Accords and the silliness of people having hot baths, getting erections and accidentally peeing in their mouths. Hilarious.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 21:21, Reply)

Terry Waite bought me a drink once.
during which time he revealed that yes, the lights in a fridge DO go out when you shut the door.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 21:19, 2 replies)

Met Laura Fraser


Then I groped her, got pushed into a wood chipper, and converted into mulch.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 21:15, 11 replies)