I saw Goody Proctor with The Devil!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 16:22, Reply)

William S Burroughs bummed me

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 15:50, 2 replies)

Jesus built my car.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 15:19, 4 replies)

Verne Troyer.
I'm just over six feet tall. He'd need a step stool to give me a blow job.
( Muns, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 14:47, Reply)

I just bumped into Ralf Little in Soho
I said, I look like you. He agreed.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 14:40, 4 replies)

I lived near a studio in Glasgow where disappointing fraternal duo Hue and Cry were recording an album.
I often used to answer the door to people looking for the guy who lived downstairs and dealt omgmassive drugs. One day Hue and/or Cry turned up. Now I'm not saying he was looking to buy drugs but he wasn't looking for Linda either.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 14:17, 3 replies)

just saying
bob lord knows my father
father knows bob lord
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father knows bob lord
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father knows bob lord
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father knows bob lord
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father knows bob lord
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father knows bob lord
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father knows bob lord
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father knows bob lord
bob lord knows my father
father knows bob lord
bob lord knows my father
father knows bob lord
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father knows bob lord
bob lord knows my father
father knows bob lord
bob lord knows my father
father knows bob lord
bob lord knows my father
father knows bob lord
bob lord knows my father
father knows bob lord
bob lord knows my father
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father knows bob lord
bob lord knows my father
father knows bob lord
bob lord knows my father
father knows bob lord
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 13:50, 7 replies)

The King of England
This summer, I was staying with friends at their place in France. We nipped into town one day, and, having stopped at a cafe, got chatting with a local whom my friends knew. I can't remember his name: let's call him Jaques.

As the conversation went on, Jaques spotted someone else he knew. Jaques waved a cheery greeting, which was returned with some friendly words.

We thought little of it.

"Take a look at that man," Jaques said to us. We did. He seemed to be a fairly unremarkable middle-aged man, out doing the shopping with his younger, North African boyfriend. "That man is the son of King Edward VIII".

We looked again.

There was a certain resemblance to the erstwhile King of the United Kingdom and the Dominions of the British Commonwealth, and Emperor of India.

It turns out that after Edward abdicated and moved to Paris, he put it about a bit, and got one of his staff pregnant. She moved (or was moved) to Midi-Pyrénées, where she raised her family.

He'd apparently tried to get recognition from the Royal family, albeit without any response - except from Prince Charles, who sent him a short letter wishing him all the best.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 13:21, Reply)

My mates dad is Stan Hey

( Peej, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 12:34, 1 reply)

It's a kind of magic
Many years ago, my girlfriend was a student nurse. One of the girls in her block was dating the magician Paul Zenon, so I'd often see him in the flat. He was a real creepy fucker; she was about 19, but was one of those girls who looked much younger. Though she did have MAHOOSIVE tits.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 12:03, 7 replies)

The only worthwhile one I can think of is Dave Allen
I went to his one man show in the late 70's and got his autograph on a book match from the Hotel Piccadilly in Manchester. He smelt of fags and whisky, which wasn't a surprise.

They don't make celebrities like they used to.
(RTFM May your god go with you, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 11:52, Reply)

Rewind - everything's OK
Some friends of mine are in a moderately successful band. One day, for reasons I can't remember, Howard Marks (AKA Mr Nice) was visiting their studio. While he was there, his mobile rang, and he started having a very odd conversation: "Rewind... Rewind... Fast Forward... Rewind... Everything's OK."

They realised that he was negotiating a deal for MASSIVE DRUGS, using RW / FF as coded requests to raise or lower prices. They also realised that their equipment had been recording the whole time, so after Mr Marks left, they mixed samples from his conversation into their next track...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 11:52, Reply)

I once worked with Boring Bob from The Piranhas
I asked him about his time in Pop/Punk Superstardom. He claimed to have no memory of it at all.

Which is either terribly rock and roll, or a crude attempt to avoid answering the same old questions again and again, 30 years after his single significant hit record.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 11:48, Reply)

Oh! Oh! I've got one!
The Buzzcocks rehearsed in the studio next to us in Holloway. They all had on expensive bondage trousers and designer ripped t-shirts, and little pot bellies.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 11:21, Reply)

Sitting in the Fortress Studio with a mates band, also
with Bjork's programmer.
Not a programmer for Bjork herself, but her music computer synth modulator. Whatever.
We had a "who's had the most boring job in the past" conversation.
Mine was removing the stickers from plastic bread palettes.
His was chiseling off excess plaster/cement from recycled tiles.
Wild times, crazy days.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 11:17, Reply)

I sat on the floor
in Marillion's studio while they played whatever songs we asked for.
Top bunch of blokes. They're not Scottish, they didn't play any heavy metal or sing about goblins.
( insignificantsnivellinglittleturd I Like Peas, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 10:12, Reply)

I taught Guy McKnight - singer of Brighton's physcobilly / indy-punk funsters The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster how to use the database at work about 11 years ago.
He was working as a temp there and we got on OK. One day he says to me that he was in a band and they were playing a gig on the weekend - do I fancy tagging along?

Yeah - go on then - and so I did. SOMEbody thought they were good - as they got signed that night.

Didn't see Guy for a while - until he eventually comes in to work after an unexplained absence of two weeks…

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS???" our manager screamed.

"Celebrating!" he said.

"GET OUT!!" yelled the manager.

"Well to be honest, I wasn't thinking of coming back at all." he explained. "see, I'm a ROCK STAR now!"
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 9:55, 7 replies)

When I was in boy band 5ive I got my eyebrow pierced so I could impress the least ugly one in B*witched.
Then I fucked her in a threeway with Kelly from Deuce whilst Jim Corr stood in the corner and jerked off.
( Peej, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 9:37, Reply)

LTJ Bukem sex pested one of my friends

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 23:30, 2 replies)

Celebrites
Back in the 80's when fast bikes were good for you I was living in the Devon area. The Prince of Wales had a lot of work at Fastbuckleigh (sorry, Buckfastleigh) so we'd often hear of his presence via the papers. As you may know his lordship and loafing Special Branch entourage never bother much about about Road Traffic laws when going their important way. Which is why when one day as I was headed toward Totnes on my Honda NS400 at a fair rate, round a left-hand bend came 3 cars, the middle one a Bentley I think with 2 flags on the bonnet and with a Granada Scorpio front and rear. In the middle of the road - really fast. How I missed them I don't know. Fucking twat. Of course if the lead car had a prang then the other 2 would have zoomed off and left the plain-clothes to deal with the carnage, they think of everything. Made my blood boil.
Oh and at a Christmas Works meal (Music industry stupid) in a low key restaurant Cheryl Cole (nee Tweedy) was behind the bar, mixed me a Cocktail and brought it to my table, she was wearing a woolly jumper with stripey colours. And I saw the Gladiators (as in, all of them) at a local nightclub in the early 90's when I was thoroughly bad company. The girls were sat at a table with the guys standing around and the really tall guy, Shadow jumped back about 4ft as I walked toward him.... comedian.
(luckylife , 0 guests and 3 bots are online, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 23:22, 2 replies)

I served Brian Blessed 20 Cigs..
at the Spar on oxford Rd in Manchester.. not long after The Phantom Menace came out... Some fella asked for his autograph and what he was filming.. he was doing "some interview for that Star Wars thingy"

also Howard Donald (the swampy one from Take That).. I worked at Kendals for Xmas one year... he bought a crockery set!


I've got loads of interesting stories me!
( DanGleeballs Moist people don't notice spelling errors..., Mon 9 Dec 2013, 23:16, Reply)

Lionel Blair is a great dancer but a lousy frisbee thrower
My father went to school with a former cast member of Hi De Hi. They've never lost touch, despite his wavering levels of fame over the years so, during the 80's we were frequently invited to various social occasions attended by the comedy & tv faces of the time.

During that time I met Bernard Breslaw, Anita Dobson, Derek Griffiths, Ken Dodd, Su Pollard, Ruth Madoc and others who for some reason I've chosen to blank from my memory (not for yew tree reasons). They were all lovely and, as an added bonus none of them, on any occasion threw a frisbee at my head on Weymouth Beach.

BUT FUCKING LIONEL BLAIR DID!

Will I be the first of many to speak up against frisbee throwing 80's celebrities? I can't be the only one. I was afraid to speak up before because I didn't think anyone would believe me
(Noddy Hodler, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 22:56, 1 reply)

Julia Bradbury's cleavage
Way back when I was in school we went on a field trip to Birmingham. While there Julia Bradbury was filming a piece for Top Gear or something like that.
Anyway, she happened to bend over in front of all us lads and we were treated to a great view down her blouse. Needless to say it was one of the more memorable field trips.
(grendalsbane, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 20:58, 9 replies)

James Brown
Sitting at the front row of Coach, just behind 1st Class. James Brown swans onboard just before they close the doors: Hair combed just so, shiny boots, shirt unbuttoned, scarf, big smile, graciously signing all autographs, .... wearing a weapons-grade after shave cologne that rolled down the aisle like an invisible fog. Surprised that the TSA goons let him thru security, and not a dry flight attendant to be found.
(shamblinthru Grasshopper! Next time use the potholders!, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 20:03, 1 reply)

I once held a bog door open for Tony Wilson
in Sinclair's in Manchester. He said 'cheers mate'. This story, in all its glory, got on the BBC website on the day he died. Must have not had that many stories about him eh.
(ProfessorNoShoes wishes he was better at Photoshop, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 20:03, Reply)

The hit man!
Met Pete Waterman whilst they were filming The Hitman and Her at Luton's Coliseum couldnt get near Michaela Strachan. Several drinks inside me I told him quite loudly that Rick Astley was shite
(uttertosser, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 18:30, 2 replies)

Way back when I were a little boy...
Back in the early 80's, our school class went on a trip to London. On the Saturday of the trip, there was a choice; go and see Arsenal play at home or go to the BBC. Well, I went to the BBC - the only boy to do so. Still, as we arrived we saw Keith Chegwin across the car park and then on our tour we saw the aftermath of the last ever Multi-Coloured Swap-Shop.
Then as we were leaving, Billy Connolly stopped us for a wee chat. Top bloke he was, telling clean jokes to all us 11 year olds.
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Mon 9 Dec 2013, 16:39, Reply)

i once was asked to call a black cab for celebrity chef knobhead Gary Rhodes
but got him a shitty minicab by accident
he was genuinely upset at having to travel in a rusty mondeo instead of a proper cab, but tried to pretend he wasn't
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 16:10, Reply)

I met EVIL DEREK the weatherman once at a BBC open day
where they collect kids for faded BBC DJs and he was accosted by some random woman who was convinced she saw him with his wife and kids by Tiger Bay in Cardiff the night before.

That'll be Derek the incredibly gay weatherman. Who is evil. EVIL.


( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 14:48, 5 replies)