I was in Alaska last October
with the missus as she was working in Anchorage certifying an adoption agency. She finished up so we took a few days to travel around a bit and went down to Homer.

As it was the very end of October and getting cold, there were very few people around. We got a good deal at the Land's End Resort, out on a spit of land that dwindles down to nothing and is full of bald eagles, grey whales and other wildlife. Look for yourself: maps.google.ae/maps?q=homer,+alaska&hl=en&ll=59.600444,-151.410227&spn=0.027232,0.104628&hnear=Homer,+Kenai+Peninsula,+Alaska,+United+States&gl=ae&t=h&z=14

On the morning of Halloween, we went to the dining room to use the wifi there. Both of our computers had worn out batteries, so we needed to plug them into the wall. The waitress told us that the table nearest an outlet was over by the windows, next to that group of women eating breakfast. Off we trooped and I set down our computers on the table.

The group of women consisted of a woman of mature years, a younger woman close to my age and a teenage girl. I nodded to them as they looked up and said good morning, but otherwise politely minded my own business. The younger woman turned to us and asked, "Did you come here for the wildlife too?"

She was a stunningly pretty blonde with perfect makeup in nice clothing and a brilliant smile. I replied, "Actually we're here in Alaska for my wife to do some work, and we're taking a little time to look around."

"Really?" She turned to my wife. "What kind of work?"

The missus explained what she had been doing in Anchorage, and asked the blonde what had brought her there.

"Oh, I'm emceeing a political rally here."

"Really? How did you get that job?"

"I'm an actress." (At this point I thought yeah, right, with the local Shakespeare Society or some such.) "I used to be in a little TV series called "Northern Exposure". I played an airplane pilot."

It clicked in my head why she looked familiar. I leaned over from behind my wife and said, "You're Janine Turner?!?"

"Yes!" and her face lit up with a megawatt smile. "This is my first time in Alaska. Sarah invited me up."

Dammit. And I used to have such a crush on her in the 80s. Another illusion shattered.

Pics or it didn't happen, you say? i78.photobucket.com/albums/j120/tucatz/JanineTurner_zps5182c579.jpg

EDIT: Oh, and this summer I had dinner with London Andrews. (Google for images, but be warned, they're not work safe.) i78.photobucket.com/albums/j120/tucatz/Image0.jpg (That one is, though.)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:50, 8 replies)

Prof K Martin reminds me
We supported the Mediaeval Baebes (yes, and they were) once. One of them didn't know how to make a cup of instant coffee, and was thoroughly put out by having to make it herself.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:50, Reply)

Posh Spice Gynaecologist
Used to write tunes with Mrs B's doctor, made more money at the bookies than selling records
( rwbthatisme is on holiday this week, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:46, Reply)

Gigging with famous(ish) people
I've had a few gigs with bands that were much bigger than mine (in terms of fame, not physical size or number of members)... some of them have been nice, some have been less so. Ones that spring to mind:

Dr When's birthday bash a few years ago, my rock band Ketlafish played, followed by Vix n the Kix, fronted by Vix - previously of We've Got a Fuzzbox & We're Gonna Use It. She seemed really nice, but was quite busy before she went on stage so I didn't get a chance to talk to her.

Skullfunk were due to support Voodoo 6 in Derby last year; they got their tour dates messed up so we ended up headlining. Most of you have probably never heard of Voodoo 6; they're a (in my opinion) pretty good rock band, whose first album I really liked.

We also supported Kyrbgrinder - I was quite excited about this one too, as I'd heard some of their stuff through Rotating Wobbly Hat and The Cat's Mother, who I believe know them. Anyway, they're pretty good and I was looking forward to chatting with them, not to mention getting them to hear my band - who knows where that could lead? Again, most of you probably won't have heard of them, but I quite like what I've heard of their stuff, and they're doing quite well - it never hurts to have friends in higher places than you are!
Sadly, they turned up about five minutes before they were due to perform and seemed to make a point of not talking to anyone from the other bands... poor show, chaps!

Not a great track record, is it?
We're supporting Warrior Soul in a couple of weeks - anyone remember them? They were pretty big in the '90s, and I quite liked them. I'm sort of looking forward to meeting Kory Clarke, the singer - although I've heard before that he's a bit of a dick, so I'm not holding my breath. I'm expecting him to either confirm that by talking to me and being a dick, or by not talking to me or anyone else at all...
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:45, 8 replies)

Channel 5
My partner enjoyed watching Channel 5's Billion $$ Girl, which is a crass program about Tamara Ecclestone. To this day I still remind him of his 'interest' in all things Tamara.

On a visit to the big smoke we saw Tamara's dad Bernie Ecclestone walking along with a massive body guard, from not too much of a distance Bernie looks like a very small old woman.
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:43, Reply)

jimmy saville
touched my foofoo.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:43, 8 replies)

Stars in ridiculously priced cars
On three occasions, I've come far too close to being run over. Whilst one involved a stupid bitch who didn't understand what a one-way sign meant, the other two have involved celebrities.

My mother likes a bargain. So whilst wandering along Marylebone High Street, she spotted a charity shop with what seemed to be a cut price Prada jacket in the window, rational thought and the Green Cross Code temporarily left her mind, and she darted across the road without checking for the presence of traffic beforehand.

Luckily, I'm not as easily distracted, and had spotted a relatively slow moving, but steadily approaching Bentley. I'm also significantly larger than my tiny mother, so ran after her, scooped her up and pushed her onto the far pavement before she ended up squashed. The driver, thankfully had seen my mum and applied the brakes, but still ended up coming to halt less than a foot from where I was standing.

I turned to make an apologetic hand gesture to the occupant of the car, upon which I realized that the person behind the wheel was none other than "music" mogul and living embodiment of Satan, Mr Simon Cowell. I cannot think of a more humiliating way to die than being run over by a colossal wanker in a massively bent powder-blue car. Well, I can, but you get the idea.

Also, my mum's dog once knocked Alan Hansen over. 2 weeks later, he failed to stop at a pedestrian crossing and nearly ran me down. I'd like to think the two were related.
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:42, Reply)

true story
i once worked at Leicester Caribbean Carnival on security with a guy who knew someone who used to babysit for drum and bass DJ LTJ Bukem when he was a kid.
( Spunky McPunk not dead yet, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:42, 1 reply)

In no particular order
- I worked with several of the people who used to be on GamesMaster, but weren't Patrick Moore or Dominic Diamond (although I did meet him and he was an utter cock).
- I once appeared on Live!TV with that blonde one who does a bit on the BBC News channels Click thing. Kate somebody?
- I went to dinner with Geri Halliwell's brother. He was a nice guy.
- I once accidentally walked between Prince William and his bodyguard when leaving Blockbuster in Slough. It wasn't until I got outside that and saw them get into the black Range Rovers that I realised who he was. No, I don't know what he rented.
- At Uni I used to hang around sometimes with Will Smith. Not that one, this one, who's now a comedian and appears on things like The Thick Of It. He shared a house with my then girlfriend.
- I grew up near Roald Dahl's house, saw him fairly regularly. We used to play football in his orchard. Somewhere (I think my sister nicked it) I have a signed copy of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
- I have appeared as a guest on BBC Radio Humberside and recorded my bit in the studio that Terry Wogan used to use.
- I went to the wedding of Helena Bonham Carter's brother -- the bride was a friend of my gran's.
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:39, 2 replies)

Went to school with sam-cam
Where there's fame there's a claim, yup went to posh school / in same house with Sam Cameron (née sheffield). Hense 20+ years of occasionally being phoned by daily fail for quotes on my alma mater
( rwbthatisme is on holiday this week, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:37, Reply)

Dale Winton flirted with me once
I was walking to Euston Station after w*rk one evening, and I saw him sitting in a drop-top Jaguar, parked up and talking on the phone. After a quick double-check to see if it was really him, I spotted the number plate (can't remember it now, but it was something like D4LE W), which confirmed it was indeed.

The following day he was there again. I caught his eye and (surprising myself in the process) I said "You were here yesterday!"
"So were you!" he replied, putting his phone down. We spoke for a couple of minutes, I shook his hand... and he held my hand for just a moment too long, asked me if they were *real* tattoos on my arm, and cooed "Ooh, how exciting" when I replied that yes they were.
I made my excuses and left to catch my train, chuckling to myself and texting a couple of people with a "You'll never believe what's just happened to me!" story.

To this day, if his name comes up in conversation he's referred to by my mum as "my boyfriend"
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:28, 2 replies)

3rd story?
I think I am turning into a star fucker! I saved Nole Fielding's life. Okay, maybe not his life but I did encourage him to stand on the pavement, rather than the road when a car was slowly maneuvering.
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:27, Reply)

Sesame's Treet
I used to go Skateboarding with a bloke who was in early 90s Rave music criminals: 'the Smart E's

www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_fXDfZR-4U
( bigmeuprudeboy is using powerpoint or paint...have MERCY, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:23, 3 replies)

Almost claim to shit claim to fame story
My mum used to live for the opera, she gave up drinking and smoking, shopped at charity shops, saved money in numerous ways. Her only vice was Glyndebourne Opera, going to see as many shows as humanly possible.
She would love taking people to see the shows, entertaining them with the most lavish spreads she could put on and talking to them about what they were about to see and what they had seen.
She used to get infuriated by the corporate tickets, people that would watch the first half of the opera then go and get shit faced and not return for the second half, leaving some of the best seats in the house empty, but she didn't feel that she could just take the empty seats.
One day in the late 90's I had gone with her and saw that Michael Portillo was sat a few rows in front of us. Just before the second half starts, he still hasn't returned and I turn to mum and said "Why don't we just go down there and take his seat?" She was having none of it, we'd get thrown out and barred. We couldn't possibly do that. "But," says I. "If he does return we can just turn 'round and say "Well, that's not the only seat you've lost this year.""
She still wouldn't allow me to do it, Portillo returned to his seat and watched the rest of the opera and I never got my chance to sell my story to the 'papers.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:23, Reply)

One of my ex-wife's friends is a stuntman
He's worked with all sorts of film and TV people, as I'm sure you can imagine.

He's also had a couple of parts in films, one of which was Cold Mountain. Off he went to somewhere in Eastern Europe to film it, and when he came back he regaled us with tales of working with Ray Winstone, making him laugh mid-take, jolly japery while making a big-time film etc etc.

Oh, and how he'd been chatting to one of the other actors, who was also fairly new to film; he was in a band back in America, was a really nice bloke, had given our friend his mobile number and said to give him a call next time he was in the States.

Our friend though, having never heard of The White Stripes, threw away Jack White's mobile number as he didn't think he'd ever hear of him again... d'oh!
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:22, Reply)

Celebrity pint purchases and Dave from Chas n' Dave says "Fuck".
Back in 1999 my then missus and I went to see Rob Newman's gig at the Art's Centre in Colchester. The great man had apparently been through the mill after his acrimonious split with David Baddiel, so the audience was full of good vibes for the show.

Afterward, I went to grab a drink at the bar where he was sat nursing a pint. He asked me if I'd enjoyed the gig and genuinely seemed both surprised and delighted when I told him that I'd had a brilliant evening. So he bought my round for me. Top chap.

My brother had an identical thing happen some fifteen years before when Feargul Sharkey bought him a pint after being on Top Of The Pops.

Oh and Chas 'n Dave turned up to officially open a pub I used to work in. Dave managed to smack his head on a low beam whilst pouring a pint and I heard him say "Oh fuck!".

I've dined out on these for years...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:21, Reply)

Ginger Loan
Whilst at college in the 1990's I was refused entry to a fine Edinburgh establishment (the Basement Bar, Broughton Street) for looking to young (despite being in my mid 20's). Taking enormous umbrage at this slight to my personal ego (and not the fact that I was English and probably further off my face than Spud boy) I faxed a letter to the DJ darling of Radio 1 Chris Evans, requesting a 'Ginger Loan' of 74 pence to purchace a false beard to guarantee entry to this particular watering hole at a later date.

Predictably, it was a slow news day on the Radio 1 breakfast Show and my letter was read out and a cheque for the aforementioned sum was dispatched to me. Unfortunately I was sleeping off a hangover (a tradition I have sporadically continued to this day) so missed my 15 seconds of radio celebrity.
( rwbthatisme is on holiday this week, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:20, Reply)

It was 1984
and I was working in a club in Rochester NY as a dishwasher/cook/barback/general dogsbody. During the day I was in the kitchen, but some nights I worked on the floor.

One day there was a sound check being done by a band- a common occurrence before lunch- and they were having some girl from NYC perform. She took the stage and belted out a song in a very strong voice from such a tiny redhead in flannel and jeans. I was impressed.

That night she performed as planned- most of material was not really to my liking, but on a few songs I was again impressed with her voice and her energy. The night closed out uneventfully and we all went home.

The following day I came to work and my boss told me to go clean up the green room, as the girl had performed while having a stomach virus and had puked everywhere. By overnight it had become rather crusty, so I was gagging as I cleaned up the mess, quietly cursing the redhead.

Imagine my surprise when she got famous within the year with a bouncy little tune called "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:17, Reply)

I used to work for a small mechanical spares company in Surrey
We sold a lot of bearings, drive belts etc to amateur woodworkers, hobbyists etc. One day a chap came in and bought a couple of bits and pieces for his lathe. I served him on the trade counter, took his money and bid him farewell.

"Do you know who that was?" asked my boss, who'd watched the whole transaction. I didn't, obviously; hadn't recognised him at all.

It was Michael Gambon.
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:16, Reply)

Just remembered
About 2 years ago I saw Lilly Cole, she was walking in the direction of the train station and wearing a purple hat.
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:11, 4 replies)

Chunk
I played Rock Band with Chunk from Goonies.
(borovan, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:10, Reply)

I played kiss chase
with Kevin Whatley's (off of Morse) daughter.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:10, 12 replies)

Me Dad was in the army
and had to keep an eye on Rudolf Hess when he was imprisoned and awaiting trial for all the world war two stuff he'd done/been ordered to do.

Apparently he was a right twat (apart from all the nazi stuff), he'd sweet talk any of the guards, befriend them, get them to give him cigarettes, chocolate, that sort of stuff, then grass them up to their superiors.
( Ya What Skiddlyboop, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:08, 3 replies)

A chauffeur Driven Rolls-Royce
Pulled up outside my brother-in-law's shop and the chauffeur asked him for directions. Who was sitting on the back seat? none other than working class hero Arthur Scargill ! Doing his bit for the poor repressed underprivileged as usual no doubt.
"During the war" . As uncle Albert would say, my mum used to dance with Jimmy Edwards. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Edwards He was in The RAF at the time and was just beginning to grow that famous handlebar moustache. According to my mum he was a perfect gentleman.
(Mackeson_drinker, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:07, Reply)

Two from me.
My Dad's secretary had an Old English Sheepdog that was mated with one owned by Kevin Keegan.

And I was knocked over in Portsmouth by a car driven by Mike Channon's Mum.

Oh yes...
(Toooldforallthis, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:04, Reply)

Ligging with the slebs
I was once a guest on the Johnny Vaughan show. That's where I did the Mastermind thing with Magnuss Magnusson.

It was the last show of the series, so there was a wrap party after, and many of the slebs from the series run had been invited back. Johnny Vaughan and Denise Van Outen were there, of course (both tiny and arrogant), with Lauren Laverne (northern hottie co-host), plus Professor Colin Pillinger (the space guy), Desmond Lineham (who I'm told has something to do with sport) and Ian Duncan Smith (ex Tory party leader).

IDS was a total party animal, clearly up for whatever he could blag: drink, food, dancing, schmoozing. Very shiny, too, he almost looked varnished. When I'd had enough and stumbled back into the real world, he was still going strong.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:03, Reply)

I arrived at the all boys boarding school I ended up finishing at in the 80's.
I was in yr. 6 with the progeny of the Perth elite.

One of the 1st guys to make friends with me was a guy named Paul.
He was fairly quiet and unassuming but out of all my class-mates he made an effort to befriend me. His old man was from Zimbabwe(the country next to where I was born).
All of the boys in my class asked me if I knew who my new friend was. Me I was just surprised that someone had taken the time to get to know the "new guy".
We became fast friends and spent a year or so mucking around the school yard (many of the snooty "popular" kids didn't want to know me until years later when I was doing my "rebellious goth phase").
Paul got dragged off to go to another school.
The last time I had contact with him was before his old man died.
I was good mates with Paul Holmes à Court.

Paul, if you somehow end up on b3ta - give us a shout sometime.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 11:01, Reply)

Sports star?
Kriss Akabusi came to our school, post Record Breakers, I imagine that is why he was doing the Secondary School circuit. As he walked along one of the corridors I witnessed him shout ‘Pump it up lads’ and give 2 thumbs up at a group of disinterested boys, evermore he has been known as that Twat Kriss Akabusi.
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 10:58, Reply)

Prunella Scales
On my way home once, I thought I saw a colleague of mine in the distance but was really puzzled about it because I'd left her behind in the office and she lived in a completely different direction.

As I got closer, I began to realise that, not only was it not Jenny, but was Prunella Scales and then I switched to my default don't-look-at-famous-people thing. Too late. She'd already seen me apparently staring at her in rapt fascination.

As we passed, I heard her hurrumph at me under her breath.
(BearWithLittleBrain, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 10:54, Reply)