Christmas
I'm sorry for the length. It was meant to be a short one but I got set off on a rant and couldn't stop.

I hate christmas for a few reasons.

1- the fucking crass over advertising which have started around now. For fucks sake there's 2 fucking months left before christmas, I don't give a fuck about your jolly holly or your fucking nintendo wii backstreet abortion game for 90 quid. I really couldn't give a toss.

2- The hype that morons seem to join in on, even more so when I mention I hate christmas. "Oh, you grinch." "scrooge" "get into the festive spirit you fat bastard." Fuck off.

3- People being nice just because it's christmas. Here's an idea; be nice for the full fucking year, not because it's the birthday of a fairly nice chap who lived a long time ago.

4- Christmas day itself. Wake up, spend time with family opening presents and shit. I can get behind that. It's about 2pm when my problems with christmas day really start. The food's been finished everything's boring and the only thing that's left to do is get horribly pissed until you pass out so tomorrow will come faster.

5- the dicks across the road who have too many christmas lights on their houses. It's tacky, expensive and too bright for me to fucking sleep. You shits.

Halloween annoys me too. But I can avoid that by sitting in with 8 cans of kestrel, discovery channel and a baseball bat incase any little shits egg the house.

The sea Don't go in the sea, it's full of shit that will sting you and kill you.

People who moan and bitch about chemical ingredients in food and claim to eat "all natural" food. I'm not saying we should all live off of processed sugar and synthesised protein in a lab but don't go the other way and eat stuff you grew in the dirt in your garden where the neighbours cat probably shits on your carrots. Also, nature's a fucker. Nature is full of shit that will kill you, make your shits sting and become fluid. Even if you want to do it, stop telling me like it makes you a better person. I don't care.

Metrosexuals. What the fuck is wrong with men being men and women being women? Men are meant to get dirty, play sports, fix things, break things, dance poorly and enjoy blowing shit up. Men are not meant to spend an hour getting ready, having a bath with candles and those fucking bath salts, bitch about their friends behind their back, bitch about their feelings (whatever happened to the strong silent type?), drink that bland alcopop horse shit and dance well.

American football. I excluded baseball because I can't stand cricket either, but that's because of a robbing in jamaica I experienced when I was younger. It's too slow. 5 seconds of action, 1 minute people standing round discussing what to do next whilst some commentator breaks down the play into the most boring building blocks ever. times this by 20 for each team. Then comes the end of the quarter and with it the start of 20 minutes of adverts which is more time spent on adverts for shit you don't need than is spent watching the sport.

The smoking ban. I get why you might not want to smell stale smoke and I can concede that's fair play. However the smoking ban has gone too far. The latest research has disputed the fact that with proper ventilation second hand smoke is harmless. We knew this before the ban came into action, but that wasn't good enough. The smokers had to be made social outcasts and forced outside. Why not have the choice to be a smoking pub or a non-smoking pub? Why not give adults the choice to smoke or not? Instead of scare-mongering people into the belief that they'll die if they sit near a smoker for 5 minutes while he or she has a cig. Present the facts as they are and let well informed adults make the choice of whether they want to go into the smoking pub or go down the road to a non smoking pub.

Waking up. Sleep is massively under rated. It's free, fun and good for you. I enjoy sleeping, don't wake me up at 10AM on a saturday morning after I've been out because "I'm sleeping the day away." Fuck the day. It's too bright, there are too many idiots awake in the day and I'm just going to be bored in the day now. At least if I'm asleep I'm entertaining myself for free.

Other people, with their happiness, their healthy relationships and their good looks. Fuck them.

Length? well, you can understand why I'm not in a relationship when you see it.
(Hitler's other ball. R soul., Tue 20 Oct 2009, 4:54, 20 replies)

I am detecting
a modicum of anger in this post.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 5:18, closed)

yeah
I've had to break out my emergency cigarettes I got so angry.
(Hitler's other ball. R soul., Tue 20 Oct 2009, 5:31, closed)

Christmas dinner finished by 2?
What time do you start, 11? When I spent it with the parents, we usually didn't leave the table until 4!
(stimpy, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 8:29, closed)

Christmas doesn't really begin until 1pm here
After the church service and seeing neighbours to give gifts.
(Mrs Ballunatic counting calories, not votes., Tue 20 Oct 2009, 8:36, closed)

Depression...
...is a terrible thing. Seek help.
(Horns, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 8:58, closed)

A robbing in jamaica
were you walkin' down the street, concentratin' on truckin' right?
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 9:09, closed)

I expect he then heard...
a dark voice beside of him and looked round in a state of fright.
(Uncle Jumbo will strip for pocket change (and/or Gin), Tue 20 Oct 2009, 10:03, closed)

Were the suspects
four faces, one mad, a brother from the gutter?
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 11:30, closed)

hi
I do agree that the smoking ban has went overboard. I don't see what was wrong with the old way of having smoking and non-smoking sections in pubs.

I do agree that smoking should be banned in restaurants as people want to enjoy their food without the smell of second hand cigarette smoke, but pubs should have remained as they were.

And all this from an non-smoker :)

Halloween is ok if you go to a party with your mates...get all dressed up and get really pissed. At least you're not in the house for the little morons who come round with their stupid little costumes and their crappy jokes.
(scotsbloke, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 10:08, closed)

With smoking/non-smoking areas though
you can still smell the smoke everywhere.

While smokers should be free to poison themselves and pay outrageous taxes for their habit, non-smokers are generally unsporting enough to object to the smell.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 11:35, closed)

A no-smoking area in a pub
Is like a no-pissing area in a swimming pool.

Or something.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:53, closed)

good rant!
I think Colin Farrell had the right attitude regarding whingeing non-smokers in the film, "In Bruges".
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 10:37, closed)

Good Christ!
Seek help man, you clearly have issues.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 20 Oct 2009, 11:23, closed)

If someone pumped a load of carcinogenic foul-smelling chemicals
into your workplace every day you'd get more than a bit annoyed. Yes, you could choose to get a different job, but if you like it there and you don't see why someone else should fuck up a place you like when its avoidable, why should you?

That's what it was like before the smoking ban for all bar staff, never mind patrons. You wouldn't expect workers to put up with that shit at a chemical works, so you shouldn't have to put up with it working in a pub.
(The man with the flan swashed his buckle on, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:59, closed)

My sentiment exactly
I'm sure you'd get a fair few complaints if you started farting in a pub and whafting your hand to disperse the smell. It's the same with smokers, except smoking smells worse, clings to your clothing and is potentially lethal (ask Roy Castle's ghost).

It's bad enough running up the stairs to the station in the morning, and out of breath having to run the gauntlet of foul smoke just by the doorway.

On more than one occasion I've had to "politely" eject a smoker from the rain shelters on Stratford "No Smoking" station when the inconsiderate bastards come in.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 16:12, closed)

The sea
Don't go in the sea, it's full of shit, AND things that will sting you and kill you.
(Benzyl, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 16:18, closed)

If it was a smoking pub when you applied for the job
you really have no right to moan.

I don't smoke, but I don't have a problem with some pubs being 'smoking' pubs. If you don't like smokey pubs, don't go. And don't, for fucks' sake, apply to work in one on a daily basis - that's simply retarded. Whatever next? Apply to work as a zoo-keeper, and whinge about your allergies until they ban animals?

As regards other people fucking up a place you like - well, you could say the same about the sanctimonious pricks whose incessant whinging has led to the virtual ruin of the pub as a British institution. They're closing down at an alarming rate, and it's largely due to the smoking ban (and ever-increasing tax hikes).

Like I said - not a smoker, but individual landlords should be free to make their own minds up on this one. The only reason they *didn't* go this route was that unless the ban was across the board, any pub choosing to go smoke-free would have been committing financial suicide.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 19:58, closed)

For the record I've never worked in a pub or a bar.
Its very simply a case of applying the same standard of working environment across the board. There's be an outcry if ICI allowed large amounts of toxic shit to escape into their factory environment and poison people, so why should pubs be exempt?

I bet those people who had jobs stripping asbestos should just suck it up too? People will listen in horror in 30 years time if you tell them smoking was allowed in pubs just like when you hear about 3rd world working conditions now.

As for the hyperbole, the pub is not ruined. Its a million times better and healthier than it ever was. Smokers can still smoke, they just have to go outside, and non-smokers can avoid being poisoned and going home stinking. Pubs are closing down because the economy is on its arse and many people can't afford to go out and drink there as often. Tax hikes and the recession play a massively greater role than banning smoking.

Also, there's a generation of teenagers growing up who'll drink there without pissing and moaning as they won't know any different and they'll enjoy the pub just as much as we all do.
(The man with the flan swashed his buckle on, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 10:19, closed)

do you even go to many pubs?

The views of the average landlord is wildly at odds with yours. Almost across the board, they noticed a large drop in trade the moment the ban kicked in.

The comparison with asbestos is flawed. The dangers involved with the latter were not immediately obvious. Anyone who doesn't, in this day and age, realise that fag smoke may be a teensy-bit bad is probably fucked anyhow - if they take the risk whilst being aware of the possible consequences, that's their choice.

Of course it's not just the ban - it's the cash side, too - which is why your assumption that a 'generation of kids will grow up blah blah' is just plain wrong. They can't afford it, and are consequently spending their drinking apprenticeships on park benches, behaving like cunts, rather than being kept in line by older blokes who've been at it for a while.

Pubs are simply not what they used to be. Find someone who is old enough to shave, and ask.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 22:36, closed)

Judging by your attitude I'm a damn sight older than you.
I've been drinking in pubs for the last 15 years, so yeah I may have had the odd pint. They're better now by a country mile as far as I'm concerned.

People never went to the pub for cheap beer, even in the 90s it was miles cheaper to drink at home. They go to meet other people, relax and to socialise. They can still do that now, the smoking ban hasn't changed that at all. Oh and teenagers have been drinking in parks for the last 15-20 years or more. That's not changed so don't talk shite.

Even so, do you think older men can keep teenage twats in line any more? You must be living in a different country to me. The little shits are immune to any form of community discipline short of vigilantism. See what happens when they get older and towns turn into warzones at the weekend now. The old fellers haven't done a great job before the ban have they?

When smokers want a night out, they still go out to pubs and clubs but the situation is now reversed. Where non-smokers went out despite being poisoned and coming home stinking, non-smokers now go out and have the terrible hardship of having to choose to stand outside poisoning no-one but themselves for 5 minutes if they want to feed their addiction. Fair exchange to me.

I've no sympathy for sanctimonious smokers. They don't have a right to poison me, but they can poison themselves if they want. I don't have a right to piss all over everyone in the pub, however much I may like pissing. I have to do it in the toilet where it doesn't affect anyone else. Smoking is no different, except piss would only make you stink.

Regardless of this, you're arguing against improving workplace health. By your argument we should never have cleaned up dangerous workplaces. Companies should still not provide safety equipment and should still be allowed to poison their workers as "they take the risk whilst being aware of the possible consequences, that's their choice". That's bollocks.

People need jobs which is why many have died in unsafe work environments. They should be and are protected by law. Bar staff should no more be subject to toxic smoke than office workers. Hell, If you don't advocate allowing chemical workers to inhale the shit we work with, the same should apply to all places of work. Oh and in fact it does. Can you think of many workplaces that allow you to smoke? I can't.
(The man with the flan swashed his buckle on, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 8:09, closed)