I went to Ikea in Croydon once...
A more wretched hive of scum and villainy you will not find....

I had just moved into my new house and my other half wanted a bed from Ikea. So we went online and checked the stock availiability and they had it all there (You can't just buy a bed, you have to buy it all seperate, one head, one foot, two sides, one mattress, etc etc). I even called them up to check they have all the bits. The lady on the phone assures me that they do indeed have all the parts in stock.

We drive from near Guildford to Croydon. Not a nice drive, but its the nearest store (Yeah, maybe Wembley is a bit nearer i dunno...) We go round the warehouse collecting the parts we need and get to the area where we should be finding the side beams, a pretty major part of the bed. Sitting there is an empty pallet where our bed should be. "They must have them out the back" i thought. I looked round for a friendly and helpful member of staff and then remembered i was in Ikea so i grabbed the nearest yellow shirted waste of bones and organs.

"Excuse me, do you have any more of these items in your warehouse, i only need these to complete my bed and then pay". The guy looked at me and shrugged his shoulders and went to walk away. Mother fucker!!! This got my back up a bit so i told him that i wanted him to check. He went off and came back empty handed. I explained that the staff had advised that they had loads in stock and he said to me "Did they do a physical check? Sometimes the computers are wrong"

"Better get the manager down here then, i just drove miles to come here on that advice from your staff that you had all my stuff in stock and you dont seem to be able to help me" i said to him.

"There is no manager around at the moment" he retorts.

"In that case im going to have these bits off one of your display beds and if there is no manager about, are you going to try and stop me?"

At this he looks around at a load of trollies that had been piled up with peoples items that had been left whilst they went off for meatballs and chips and goes "Look, on that trolley over there are two bits you want. Just take them off there." At which point he moved them all and grabbed the bits and handed them to me! Result!

I can only assume that he fucked off before the owners came back, but either way i was happy as i had my bed and i even splashed out on two of those "Klippan" sofas (They lasted about a year before we binned them. Utter shite). On the way through the checkout with all this stuff the imbecile on the till did not scan the headboard which saved me £70! Then they tried to scam me for a delivery charge of £60 but as i would still be a tenner up, i paid it with a smile!

But, thats not all. As we now had all this stuff on loads of trollies, i had to make many trips through the check out and after the first sofa i told the girl on the till i would be back in a bit with the other sofa. So grabbed one and stuck it on two trollies and thought "Shit, i forgot the covers for them". They come in a basic sandstone colour and you can get different colour covers for them. So i grabbed two black ones and piled them on the sofa. Eventually i got all the stuff to the home delivery area and paid up my £60 and went home happy with just my sofa covers under my arm. Only when my other half looked and said "Did you pay for those?" did i realise that they were not actually free with the sofas, we later checked the catalogue and they were in fact £60 each!!! Normally i would have gone back, but i had driven miles, been treated like a cunt. I felt it was the least they could do for my trouble.

Little did i know i would be back in that same store a few days later with a bigger complaint...

The moral of this story: Dont buy anything from Ikea that you want to last more than a week. Its overpriced and shit quality.
(Beaverman Opulence, I has it., Fri 3 Sep 2010, 17:49, 13 replies)

Fucking Ikea
Only good for raping old ladies, the employees just ignore the screams
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 18:19, closed)

I LIVED
on the Roundshaw!!!!
(Daw the Cunt Deffiency in keeping Wind since 1970, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 19:04, closed)

bought a klippan sofa 4 years ago
it's still in perfect condition, very comfortable and hasn't so much as sagged an inch. it's great!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 20:13, closed)

"they must have some more out the back'
You were in the warehouse bit, where do you think out the back was? There is no out the back.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 3 Sep 2010, 22:46, closed)

How had you been "treated like shit", exactly?
The guy stole some off somebody elses trolley for you, it's not his fault they didn't have them in stock. Ikea is a busy place, maybe they sold out in the time it took you to drive there. Shops are not made simply to serve you, they get a lot of customers through the door daily.

Also - Yeah, nice one on being an actual thief. You sure showed them.
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Sat 4 Sep 2010, 12:23, closed)

How had you been "treated like shit", exactly?
Next time you spend 800 quid in a shop, you tell me if you appreciate a member of staff shrugging their shoulders and turning to walk off when you have a query. I dont expect to be treated like royalty, but i do expect to be treated with a level of respect. In fact i expect that if i spend 80 pence. Maybe they did sell out, who knows, my issue was that this bloke could not be arsed to deal with my complaint.

And "stealing" would imply some intent to not pay, mine was a genuine mistake (Which the staff have to assume some responsibility for).

As for the Guildford comments, i totaly agree, they are all cunts, second only to people from Tunbridge Wells (Sorry, "Royal" Tunbridge Wells). Im actually from Wandsworth, so i certainly know a cunt when i see one.
(Beaverman Opulence, I has it., Sat 4 Sep 2010, 16:22, closed)

Although not defending the actions of the member of staff
remember that you are not the only person spending £800 in the store and he gets paid something damn close to minimum wage.
Also, you treat him with utter contempt and yet expect him to fawn all over you.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sat 4 Sep 2010, 16:58, closed)

Low pay is no excuse,
If a shop worker cannot be bothered to deal with a customer then dont work in a customer orientated role. If shops want repeat custom, dont employ minimum wage staff who dont care about customers.

I treat all shop staff with resepct and dignity until they give me a reason to treat them with contempt. When i was in Debenhams recently i politley asked a staff member if she could help me with a menswear question to which she replied "Thats not my department" and went to walk away. That is the point where i become impolite and ask for a manager. Im not the kind of person to let that sort of thing to pass.
(Beaverman Opulence, I has it., Sat 4 Sep 2010, 19:19, closed)

Ok, so you might have got a slightly dodgy assistant
Then again there are a million and one defences for just shrugging you off. Maybe they were having a bad day. Maybe they didn't know, maybe it was their first day, or not their department (that does happen, it's valid and I hope the manager laughed in your face for complaining about that). Maybe thy were on their lunch, and they couldn't wait for the opportunity to get off the warehouse floor and way from the noise and screaming children and general hell that makes up ikea. It's not like the guy told you to fuck off, or gave you wrong advice deliberately. Ge simply couldn't help, that's not exactly great customer service but it's hardly worthy of what you did. Cut the guy some slack, he's working minimum wage in a shit job.

Also, the "I spent £800, I deserve the best" attitude sickens me. It's fucking ikea. If you want to be given the gold star treatment go and spend thousands in House of Fraser. £800 is pence in the world of home furnishings, it doesn't make you special.
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:42, closed)

Hang on a minute
I've just re-read it. So after he shrugged, he then proceeded to go above and beyond and search high and low until finally taking one off SOMEONE ELSES TROLLEY so you could get what you wanted?

You got excellent service for Ikea. I'd have apologised and pointed you at the manager.
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 15:40, closed)

"And "stealing" would imply some intent to not pay, mine was a genuine mistake"
Am I to assume that you've since returned, or sent IKEA the money for, the unscanned headboard and the settee covers you didn't realise were extra?

If not, and now you're aware that you didn't pay for them, you have - in fact - stolen them.
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Sat 4 Sep 2010, 19:03, closed)

Not stealing at all.
You cannot be nabbed for shoplifting if you make an attempt to pay. I went through the till at least three times and explained i would be returning with other items. The till staff were not bothered. I neither attempted to conceal items nor defraud the shop in any way.

I will concede however that if you wanted to go a bulk theft spree, Ikea Croydon would be a great place to do it.
(Beaverman Opulence, I has it., Sat 4 Sep 2010, 19:27, closed)

Oh and lest we forget he comes from Guildford, they are all cunts there, no exceptions.
Everyone in Guildford thinks the entire fucking world revolves around them. Case in point:

I worked for a small, independent interiors shop in Guildford.
Late one night as we had all cashed up and were walking towards the door to go home a woman strode very purposefully up to the door.
We opened the door and the woman said
'I want to buy something.'
'Well I'm sorry but we are closed now, we open tomorrow at nine.'
'Why won't you let me in, I know just what I want?'
'Because we are going home now.'
And off she stormed in a huff (or a minute and a huff I can't remember).

So the next day about 10 the same woman comes into the shop.
'Yesterday you had a mirror ball in the window, I would like to buy one please.'
'Well I'm sorry but we sold the last two this morning.'
'When will you be getting some more in?'
'I don't think we are, they were a special in for Christmas.'
'But I need one today, I tried to buy it last night but you wouldn't let me in.'
'No we were closed.'
'Well what am I going to do now?'

She stood there for a full ten minutes before realising that I couldn't pull one out of my arse.

See, everyone in Guildford is a cunt, I have thousands of stories like this.


Oh, and as for Ikea being overpriced and shit quality, if you can find me somewhere that is less money but better quality I will coincide that some people in Guildford might not be cunts.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sat 4 Sep 2010, 15:38, closed)