Some years ago
Me, Alan and Rob (names changed etc) were in the pub talking the usual bollocks when I mentioned a program that my kids used to watch about a kid with a pocket watch and how he used to freeze time with, usually to get back at bullies and catch up on homework.

We then discussed what the better uses for such a device would be. Briefly skipping over mild sexual assault, free iPods and scumbag battery, we suggested some of the sillier ideas. Such as the idea of watching for people reaching for their beer then pausing time and moving it a couple of inches closer so they just end up knocking it over. Or writing rude words on peoples' foreheads. Alan suggested entering the houses of anti-social neighbours during the night (I assume acquiring a key earlier in the day), rearranging the furniture and writing spooky messages on the walls in red paint. General mischief really.

Then came the conversation stopper. Well not just a conversation, the entire evening. Rob then came out with:
"What about going into a secondary school, finding the boy's changing room and seeing how they're developing during puberty?"

Alan and I got up, labelled him as a paedophile and left him there on his own vowing never to speak to or see the pervert again.

About 6 months later, I heard from Rob's brother who said his wife had walked in on Rob wanking off his 14yo brother-in-law whilst watching porn. This earned him an instant divorce, 4 years at her Majesty's pleasure and a permanent entry onto the sex offender's register.

Oh how we laughed.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:41, 9 replies)

erm
...
When I was 14 I used to have to wank MYSELF whilst watching porn. Now I feel ugly.
( zacherynuk @echo off, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:52, closed)

Me too
except the nearest I got to porn was the women's underwear pages in my mum's catalogue.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:58, closed)

Wow. Now I'm feeling all cheerful....

(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:10, closed)

Clicking "I like this" seems wrong somehow,
since it actually makes me queasy, but I reckon it's going to be one of the more dramatic conversation-killers this week.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:39, closed)

for the time stop thing
i always wanted to find someone walking down the road, and turn them round mid-stride. then just as they realise they're walking the wrong way, and start turning round, turn them back again
(fat stavros, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:33, closed)

Bernard's Watch
Or, the name it was given in development:

Bernard's Watching Your Mum in the Shower
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:56, closed)

Pervert.
He should have found the girls' changing room.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Fri 13 May 2011, 1:37, closed)

"Briefly skipping over mild sexual assault"
haha fantastic.
(TheColonel, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:26, closed)

like this?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fermata
(micky2shoes has more shoes than feet, Sat 14 May 2011, 18:05, closed)