My signature dish.
You will need:
Pasta - whatever you have
Tuna Fish (cheap)
Tomatos (tinned)(also cheap)
Bacon - usually past the use-by date
Whatever other meat you have lying about - stale corned beef, the two hotdogs you couldn't be bothered to eat last night, bits of kebab, whatever.
Oregano
The knowledge that payday is two days away and you're having to resort to the crap at the back of the cupboard.
Boil water. Put pasta into boiling water. Add a bit more pasta. Add another handful of pasta. Drop pasta over floor while putting it away.
Eat jam sandwich while waiting for pasta to come back to the boil. Leave to simmer. Fry bacon. Hack into bits and put to one side because you did it too damn early, idiot. Dump tomatoes into saucepan. Open tuna fish. Spill brine all over work surface while trying to drain it. Dump tuna into saucepan with tomatoes. Add random meats, bacon and more oregano than you really ought to use.
When pasta starts bubbling over, hurriedly turn it down and start heat under tomato/tuna/random crap saucepan.
Play air guitar to some Motorhead while waiting.
Fuck. Where did all this pasta come from? There's frigging tons of it. And yet not quite enough to put some aside for a second meal.
Drain pasta and put back on heat. Dump sauce in with pasta and stir like a bastard.
Drop some of it on floor while dishing it up. Drop more on floor because your plate really isn't big enough and it's slopping over the sides as you scuttle to the table.
Eat with bread until you lose interest.

I call it The Pasta Abomination.
(Big D, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 22:21, 2 replies)

yesssss, the 'I'll just make something out of what is in the cupboard' situation
*goes to cupboards
*looks at stuff
*closes cupboard

.
.
.
.
*finds £1 down sofa cushions after lots of searching

*gets chips.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 28 Jun 2012, 22:24, closed)

If you cooked this for me on a date.
I'd almost definitely sleep with you- provided we survive the carb induced seizure.
(The Curse of Millhaven. Pretty little mouth underneath all the foaming, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 22:30, closed)