The Perfect Beer Batter
For fried fish, prawns or Mars Bars.
You'll need -

1 cup of corn flour (& I mean cornflour, none of this "wheaten" shit.)
A stubbie or can of good really cold drinkable beer - yeah I know it's waste but your crunchy buds will thank you later.
For friends of Bill or scarpe - use cold, fizzy mineral water (not soda or tonic water as it can be bitter EDIT: But without the yummy bitterness of a good beer).
Some oil for deep-frying. I use a mix of 1 part peanut to 2 parts canola/vegetable - the peanut oil can handle hotter temps and thus tempurars the oil. *sorry*
Heat the oil like you're Head Flame-Stoker in Hell - if you've added peanut oil, it'll take it.
Otherwise you'll have an oil fire on your stovetop, your house will burn down and you and your family will die from smoke inhalation.

Mix in a bowl adding the beer until you have a batter the consistency for crepes NOT piklets. In other words - runny not goopy. You can season/flavour it if you want too but I find adding a couple of halved chillies & whole peppercorns to the oil (ala cargoeng's suggestion) does the trick.

Coat whatever you're cooking in batter ensuring to let it drip a lot off - too much batter = stodgy lumps around food. Hence runny not goopy. If you are doing Mars Bars etc. - I'd advise at least semi-freezing them 1st otherwise you'll be deep frying chocolate & caramel, which ain't so good.

Chuck it *gently* in the oil and fry. Fish it out and put on paper towels when it's lemony/baby poo yellowy brown.

Enjoy, whilst it's still hot and crunchy - as the eczema ridden actress said to the bishop.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 3 Jul 2012, 8:25, 4 replies)

What beer. Freezing cold larger or delicious ales?

and do you really mean, simply mix the beer and corn flour together? Nothing else?
(Shifty weeeee, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 11:43, closed)

Yes.
If it tastes good at the pub/sitting at home watching the telly - it'll taste good as the batter.
If it's the cheap shitty beer you buy when you can't afford anything better then you'll have a good idea how the batter will taste.
As I said - it's a waste but you'll taste it in the lovely crunchiness later.
Eggs spoil the consistency and normal flour makes it gluggy and adds gluten - which you don't want for a nice crispy fry up.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 3 Jul 2012, 12:27, closed)

Don't go to the extremes
No Bud Lite, No Guinness, but pretty much anything in between
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Wed 4 Jul 2012, 0:17, closed)

Agreed.
If you want to waste a bottle of that Chimay stuff at $15 a bottle - go for it. As I said - if it tastes like dog piss at the pub it ain't going to magically improve when you pour it in to make the batter.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 4 Jul 2012, 0:48, closed)

Need you be reminded that if the beer needs to be kept cold, it's not good beer?
Still, it's fizzy piss or nothing for you convicts, so I suppose it doesn't matter.

Putting aside the pointless insults, I've had good results using Singha in batter, probably because it's light and fizzy.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 4 Jul 2012, 15:02, closed)