Another police one (I suppose that's copperate idiocy)
When I discovered a large gap where my motorcycle should be, I reported it to the police without much hope of it being recovered. But blow me down, a few days later I found a note pushed through my letterbox, telling me that they'd located the bike on some wasteground about half a mile away.

The note said that they'd "been unable to secure the bike", so had left it where it was. It was a pity that police officers don't carry, for example, some kind of locking metal loops connected by a short chain, which could be locked around things they don't want to be removed. That would be crazy, right?

Not surprisingly, by the time I got to the site, the bike had been stolen again. So, I called them up to tell them. I was told I had to report this as a new crime, and get a new number etc. So, I took the next morning off work and made my way to plod central for the second time in as many days.

After queuing for some time - the delay was caused by them not having anyone able to speak French, despite the town being a major tourist destination - I eventually got to the desk and explained why I was there.

"Oh, you didn't need to come in, it will just stay as an open case."

Never saw it again.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 16:36, 7 replies)

I, for one, am concerned about this gaping hole in reality.
Your preoccupation with your bike shows a callous disregard for the potential unravelling of the universe.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 16:44, closed)

How did them not having anyone able to speak French affect anything?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 16:46, closed)

Les flics
ont les piffes enourmes.
(username failed moderation, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 17:01, closed)

Because they were totally failing to cope with French family in front of me who were trying to report a mugging
and consequently took ages to get to me
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 17:08, closed)

One of my friends got a phone call from the police, saying "Are you going to come and get your car, it's been parked in [insert place name] for several days now"
After reminding the officer that he had in fact reported his car stolen a couple of weeks previously, the office replied "Ah. Well in that case we've found your car"
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 17:13, closed)

The trick is to do the detective work yourself.
Housemate got his bike stolen in the snow. We followed the tracks from the cut lock to the multi it went into, but couldn't work out which flat. We phoned the police they said "oh we know which one it'll be" and an hour later my housemate collected his bike.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 18:04, closed)

Me and my mate Andy tried that
got bollocked for moving the body, contaminating the evidence and voiding the entire investigation. I can only advise against your suggestion from my own personal experience.
( Pig Bodine., Wed 29 Feb 2012, 21:43, closed)