Oh... now I feel right at home here!
Let me think...

Number 1:

Lost my virginity to an 18-year-old when I was 19. It all went downhill from there.

Number 2:

Next one was 17 (I was still 19). Apparently she was the village bike... didn't find that out until afterwards though. (Got to fuck her again about 8 years later on the rebound from number 4 below...)

Number 3:

Bit of a gap. I was 21. She was 15. No, we didn't break the law, we waited. I spent quite a while in extreme discomfort (although she did give good head in the meantime). Finally did the deed on new years' day... and it wasn't that great. But it was a relationship that lasted nearly 5 years so we must have been doing something right. Still really close friends (not with benefits though, I don't actually fancy her at all any more!)

Number 4:

Her, 18. Me, 27. Love at first sight. After just over 3 months we were looking for houses together, talking about baby names etc.

Then after 6 months she stopped talking to me for no apparent reason whatsoever.

I later find out from her friend (who I also nearly ended up shagging but that's another story) that she'd been abused as a kid and something inside her had snapped and she'd had a total mental breakdown. About 4 weeks after her 19th birthday. She'd become convinced that I was going to stab her while she was asleep, she'd even told her friend that the voices in her head were telling her that I was planning to kill her.

Took me a year (and a smashed up car) to get over that.

Number 5:

Started talking to her on some forum (no, not b3ta). She lived in France but was from Devon originally. After a few months she told me she was coming back to Devon. Said she was 18...

Then admitted she was actually 17...

Oh well... still legal, can learn to drive... so we met up. And ended up getting to third base on the first date.

A couple of days later I get a call from her friend's mum (who she's staying with)... "do you know she's actually 16?" Errm, no...

Thought about it and decided that as I quite liked her I'd stick it out. Then there was that one night that she lifted a bottle of vodka from Tesco and downed it whilst sat in the back of the car. 5 minutes later she puked her guts up and passed out.

Cue a trip to A&E in an ambulance. When she came round she said to me "well... you wanted the car christening!" (I'd had it for 3 months... 45 quid it cost me to get it valeted and get rid of the smell!)

Eventually she did put out in the back of the car, and now has the honour of being the person that christened my brand new car in more ways than one. And as for the performance... she was a complete minx. Grabbed the back of my head, pushed her tit in my face and shouted the immortal words "make me fucking bleed bitch!"

Can't fault her performance, I'll give it that!

Then she pissed off back to France. She's back in Devon permanently now, we're still friends but a lot's changed. Oh... and now she really is 18 coming up 19.

Number 6:

Now... this one caused me some grief. Met her... somewhere... can't even remember now. 18... or so I thought (you know where this is going!). The first night we were together was just non-stop sex, screaming orgasms all night.

Then...

Her ex's ex who's also a friend of mine (confusing I know!) rang me up and said "you know that ***** you're going out with... you know she's not really 18 don't you? You do know she's actually 15?" errm... no... SHIT... panic panic...

Confronted her about it... more like an interrogation actually... and she admitted that she'd added 3 years to her age and was actually 15. In my defence she looked way older...

Took her home the next morning. Stayed in touch but that was a bit too much of a gap. Even though she's legal now.

Number 7:

Don't get me started... *sighs* Full details in a previous QOTW answer. She lost the baby in the end but won't walk away from a guy that treats her like crap and she hates.

And staying on topic... she was 18 last month.

Number 8:

Thought I'd have a go at internet dating. Big mistake. Met this girl, she seemed really nice, sweet, decided to meet up with her. She wanted to come home with me. Game on, I thought. One thing led to another, I ended up getting some...

Then afterwards she decided she wanted to go home, like... now.

And told me "there's two things I need to tell you... I'm not 18, I'm 16... and I've got a kid I need to get home to."

Oh joy. Now I don't mind kids (understatement!) but I wish she'd told me sooner!

Number 9:

Rachelswipe? Can I have your babies? (Oh, wait...)

(8 inches... and plenty of girth.)
(RabidRodent I'm the person your mother warned you about, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 23:06, 9 replies)

Hooray!
I'm the first to get to call you a fucking nonce!
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Tue 9 Dec 2008, 2:46, closed)

Nah, he's not a nonce.
Just a bit of an idiot who needs to grow up and learn how to have normal relationships.

There's been plenty of real nonce stories on here, I don't think this counts.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 6:27, closed)

Since the unfortunate incident mentioned in number 6 above...
I've got a lot better at guessing ages.

Now I've currently got 2 choices. One's 22, the other's 20. The 22-year-old is a right dirty little minx. The 20-year-old is really cute, really sweet... most definitely relationship material.

So... my plan is to hook up with the 22-year-old, get down and dirty, have a really wild one night stand... then get together with the 20-year-old.

And if that doesn't happen... I'll forgo the one night stand and just get together with the 20-year-old. (Who, incidentally, has a 6-month-old kid... but that doesn't bother me. Ready made family?)
(RabidRodent I'm the person your mother warned you about, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 7:44, closed)

You need to grow up
These women are people, not playthings, jesus christ. Men like you make me sad for the world
(Jugular, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 9:19, closed)

Are you
for real?

I have an image as one of those guys I've seen who's in his late 20's, dodgey tracksuit and a young girl (defo teeny) with a really tight ponytail, lots of gold jewellery and an equally suspect tracksuit

Apologies if I've offended...
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 10:20, closed)

this is how we see you all

(likeajackhammer, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 16:58, closed)

She looked older than...
You seriously expect us to believe you made that same mistake repeatedly. Bullshit. People like you make me sad. What you're doing is just wrong.
( MadAdamUk was last alive on, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 13:35, closed)

Only made that mistake the once...
on number 6... I've been almost paranoid about checking ages since then. Any girl that looks less than 22 is likely to get the full on interrogation from me before things go any further!

Seems the "jailbait detector" is now functioning properly at least.
(RabidRodent I'm the person your mother warned you about, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 19:29, closed)

what about number 2?
She was 15 and you still did things with her. Nonce
(chewbaccadefense, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:55, closed)