Do you want fries with that, Mr Flake...?

I’m not surprised this country is in the state it's in…

On Monday, my family had a busy evening on, and so did not have time to cook tea.

Normally I would get a takeaway, but in these times of ‘Credit-crunch-ery’, and after a barked order lovely request from the present Mrs PF, I was asked to demonstrate my 'in-touch-with-the-working-classes-ness' by stopping by a McDonalds to get something for tea on the way home from work.

The following incident happened during this one single visit.

In I stroll, in a general good mood. The atmosphere in the place, however, couldn’t be more accentuated if it had ‘Ghost Town’ playing in the background. I approach the counter and there’s nobody there. Eventually I am greeted by the cretinous, scowling lickspittle with no stars who welcomes me with a cheery:

“What?”

“Hello” I reply, “I would like two hamburger happy meals, a couple of quarterpounders with cheese, a regular fries and a ‘Smarties’ Mcflurry please?”

(Not the most complicated of orders I’m sure you’ll agree)

Cretin McSpack-a-cake, however, glares at me as if I have just debagged, squatted down and curled a whopping great walnut whippy on the counter…

She then just wanders off nonchalantly.

Cretin comes back after about 30 seconds and points a gnarled finger at the burger section: “We’re out of hamburgers. You’re going to have to wait” she spits.

I thought to myself: ‘That’s quite strange – it’s not as if they’re busy, or that ‘hamburgers’ are a specifically rare request, but hey-ho’.

“No Problem” I reply.

Mongtoid re-approaches till: “What did you want again?” She snaps.

Hmmm. I repeat the order. “Was that Quarterpounders with cheese?” She asks, looking strangely perplexed, with her eyebrows raised as if I have asked for a diamond-encrusted bucket of beluga drizzled with the love-sauce from 15 left-handed Lithuanian virgins.

“Yes” I state bluntly – losing a bit of patience.

“Well…..You’re going to have to wait for those too” She stammers, as I watch the globules of pus dripping from the pulsating mountainous mutation on the end of her nose.

I tut, and am promptly fixed with a glare that could wither titanium. My hopes for a quality meal are now somewhat depleted.

She then wanders off AGAIN. Nearly 10 soul-destroying minutes pass before the acne-ridden plebite ambles back in.

“Here you go – Two quarter-pounders, one regular fries, One happy meal”

“But I asked for TWO happy meals…and a McFlurry!” says I.

“No you didn’t!” She argues…fucking ARGUES with me!

“Yes.I.fucking.did!” I growl.

She then carefully and myopically inspects the screen on the till.

“Oh” she concedes.

“Actually…by the way” she continues:”I forgot to ask. What drinks with the Happy meals?”

“Grrrr…One ‘Coke’ and one ‘Fanta’…please” I reply.

“Still or fizzy Fanta?”

I pause…consider my options and the possibility of availabilty…and say: “Still, please”

...

“We haven’t got any still”

*rolls eyes* “Ye-fucking-Gods…Fizzy then!”

Finally, I have my ‘meal’ dumped in front of me, and due to the nature of the happy meals’ packaging etc, I am struggling to pick the lot up.

At this point, and as the steam starts to metaphorically hiss out of my ears, another employee, who, according to his uniform is also apparently ‘lovin’ it’, approaches me from behind the till, sees my distress, smiles, and says:

“Excuse me sir, would you like a large bag to carry that all in?”

‘At last!’ I think to myself, ‘I’ve finally found one single solitary McDonalds worker here who is not an Olympic class blithering Cro-magnon nincompoop!’

“Oh, yes, that would be great, thank you very much!” I enthuse.

“No prob…..” he says, before snuffling round under the counter and announcing: “Errrrrrm….no, hang on…we’ve run out of big bags…”

GAAARRRRGGGHHH! FUCK-A-DOODLE-ARSE-ACHE-ON-A-PLATE! I screech (in my head).

I then pay more than I would have if I had bought a (delicious) chinese takeaway…AND HAD IT DELIVERED, and stagger out of the place, fumbling through the door and into my car, only for the drinks to tip over on the way home and, much to my flakelet’s distress, discovering that only one of the ‘happy’ meals contained a toy.

And a shite toy at that.

Later, I found out that in that very ‘restaurant’, a man had recently got banned for (albeit drunkenly) pushing one of the tills off the counter in sheer frustration at the staff, and their inability to grasp the simple concept of serving.out.fucking.burgers.

When I was told, I understood exactly how he must’ve felt.

I hope the credit crunch soon manifests itself into a gigantic wrecking ball, demolishing that godforsaken dog-hole of a place that is McDonalds, Walsgrave, Coventry.

While the fucking wanktards that work there are still inside.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:52, 27 replies)

What time did you visit?
However, the attitude of the staff was unacceptable, secondly, quarter pounders take all of 3 minutes to make, maximum. I should bloody know, I used to be a burger-jockey myself.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:01, closed)

It was about 4:45...

I did wonder if there was a time when they let all the stock 'dry up' and started a new batch or something...but that still doesn't let them off for being a bunch of twat-biscuits

*still ranting*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:06, closed)

4:45?
They should have had food in and ready, that's the time for the evening rush. Shocking service all round. I would send a letter to head office about that one.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:33, closed)

Yay!
I'm not alone in my disbelief of just HOW thick people who work at McDonalds can be!

On a more scary note does this mean Pooflake and I are likeminded?

Recent experience: popped in on the way to work and asked for a "sausage, egg & cheese bagel". Point to note is that the pondlife behind the till was stood directly beneath a 3ft x 3ft picture of said breakfasty item.

She turns to her supervisor looking totally perplexed... "do we do a bagel with cheese?"... the supervisor had to ask the "cook" who assembling said items. It's not like the menu, or the chief ingredients are that hard to remember are they?
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:04, closed)

Coventry in irritating as hell shocker!
That'd be yet another reason to avoid Walsgrave - it was a shitehole when I lived nearby 6 years ago ... doesn't sound like it's improved much
(Teiresias, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:07, closed)

I used to work at a McDonalds
One of the most soul-destroyingly dull places imaginable, especially when you're one of the few staff there who speaks English. And the only one to have to shave in the name of hygiene.

I'm always shocked at the levels of utter uselessness of the staff at these places. It's more complex than just "do ya want fries wi' tha'?" but not much more.

It takes 45 seconds to cook a happy meal burger (42 if they're in a busy period and the grille's real hot). And they cook 9 burgers at a time. In those 45 seconds you get the meal mostly sorted. Which means that it takes about 1, maybe 1.5 minutes to dish out 9 burgers of the style you were asking. Or maybe 2.5 if it's a quarter pounder.
I used to manage this- which is surprising given how incredibly bone-idle-lazy I was back then.
If you're served your grilled stuff before your deep-fried stuff has finshed cooking, they're incompetent. The fried stuff takes longer to cook and longer to prepare, and the grilled stuff cools down faster.

Staff on tills aren't supposed to handle food unless it's wrapped (or chips)- if you see them disappear into the kitchen then pass it through the hot-slide to themselves try to report them to customer services or someone. It's a violation of the staff handbook.

Everybody- make it difficult for them. Make them have to work to a decent standard of customer service. No-one expects perfection from them, but they could at least stop being so fucking bone idle. You never know, if it drums some work ethic into them you could really change their lives for the better.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:11, closed)

cook 9 at a time?
Not when I worked there. 4 clamshell grills on regular? You can do 48 simultaneously - 12 under each. Although technically only 36 on the grill at anyone time as by the time you've laid the last lot, youve taken off the first. And so on

9 quarters though fit under a grill.

I quite enjoyed my mcdonalds time (upto 1991). The studenty people that worked there were great, the locals (full timers) were ok, mostly it was a good bunch of people, and we actually respected the job. We were paid well for our ages, got as many or as few shifts as we liked mostly, got free food, I got some management training - almost considered completing my Floor managers course, but all in all good times. Not sure whats happened since. Are kids thicker? Are they too posh to wash? Has the hiring policy changed? What? Would love to know as without doubt in the last 10 years or so they have only employed the seemingly unemplyable.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:55, closed)

My mistake
I spent too long at the quarter grille, so that' sort of stuck in my head.

Paid not horrendously (not _well_ but marginally above minimum wage, which is pretty good going if you're working weekends as a recent school leaver). They're not too posh to wash, they just don't.
Like you say, they only seem to employ the seemingly unemployable now- it's been a gradual descent. I believe some branches are recognising this and trying to sort it out now- the Credit Crunch could help with this as there'll be a lot of people looking for work. People who actually speak the language to the extent that they can get through the whole menu without having to ask for help.

Just had a McD's from my not-so-Alma McMater for old times' sake. They took a good 20 minutes to cook a big mac meal, got the order wrong and the chips were cold. Cockbites.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:50, closed)

Walsgrave
I'm in Earlsdon at the moment... I think I might drive over to the Walsgrave McDonalds and see if it's really as bad as all that.
(Ellinikos contains a source of phenylalanine, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:30, closed)

My Company
Covers the fault contract for the network cabling, KVS screens etc (Kitchen Video System)

Can you go and pull the till out the drive thru window so I can go over and check it out for myself?

That way I can get paid for doing so.

Cheers
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 13:52, closed)

You only have your self to blame
Shouldn't have gone there......no sympathy. Sorry.
(Pork2311, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:08, closed)

Mmm hmmm
*Nods over-enthusiastically*

Always disappointing. And actually quite expensive. You could have given that money to a local business for some super scrummy food.
(cherrynicola, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:32, closed)

Hmmmmmm
A most un-Happy Meal.
( Lord & Lady Pants, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:13, closed)

I haven't been to a McDonalds in well over 10 years
I cant see myself visiting one ever again
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:19, closed)

^this
I find the smell wafting out of the door as I walk past is enough to put me off now.
( IHaveABadFeelingAboutThis most likely working from home on, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:52, closed)

Burger King
all the way. Although the last one I had was mediocre at best.

I've not been to McD's since Supersize Me.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 17:08, closed)

KFC for me
Burger King's change to "teflon" fries sealed that deal. And their onion rings were awful, the one time I tried them. And they don't do the mushroom double swiss any more. Pfft.

Zinger Tower Burger meal FTW!
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 18:07, closed)

Sorry but,
that is the equivalent of going from sparking your self with the zapper from a cigarette lighter to sticking your nob in a powerpoint and turning it on.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Thu 29 Jan 2009, 9:01, closed)

I couldn't read it..
Sorry flake, I mean, poor service at macflids? Seroiusly.
(AndyC4m Eject Eject [><], Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:24, closed)

Hey ho...

Try my other post...about 5 down from this one.

:)

I'm bored today so have been posting like a frenzy.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:53, closed)

Brilliant rantage
You should write to head office and don't edit a word. A mate of mine used to work there while he was studying a degree in astrophysics... As did a lot of his degree classmates.

There's no excuse for putting people who barely scrape the zoological classification "Homo-sapiens" while lenient taxonomists aren't looking behind a till and letting them deal with the complex task that is pushing buttons on a till and organising food.

I avoid a mcchunder these days, but occasionally frequent Unlucky Fried Kitten. It's much the same.

"Can I have a zinger meal please?"

_{"meh. Meh-meh-meh-meh. Meh?"}

"Sorry, I didn't get any of that. Could you repeat please?"

_{"Meh-meh-meh. Meh-meh?"}
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:35, closed)

SACKED!
I got sacked from McDonalds when I was a younger spikeypickle :0) Apparently I lacked enthusiasm, initiative and team spirit!!!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:39, closed)

How did that happen?
The only way to achieve that is by being medically brain dead.

Which would qualify you for a cabinet post in government.

*edit*

Or a chairmanship of a rail company
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:45, closed)

^^Arf!^^...

I clicked 'I Like This' for this reply...

I haven't got a 'Scooby Doo' what happens when you click on a reply, but quite frankly, I don't care - this had to be done!
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 16:09, closed)

A mate of mine got sacked from BK, many moons ago.
His crime? Having the temerity to suggest that it was superfluous to ask if the customer wanted fries with that, because if they did, they'd have asked for them.

Not a team player, apparently.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 18:09, closed)

If I knew where Walsgrave was
I would print this out and post it on their door. Brilliant.
(ChaRleyTroniC is invincible with his chips and cheese, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 22:24, closed)

Soo....
When I get to the UK,
that's NOT a place I shall go then.

Next time - go the chinese. Their behaviour at macdonalds was totally unacceptable. If I'd behaved anything even slightly like that at my job I would have been fired.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 29 Jan 2009, 2:15, closed)