Damn that conscience
Inappropriate crushes are really only a point of view. While I've spent lots of time as a pimply shy socially awkward individual, I finally came out of my shell after uni and have dared a few crushes beyond the stage of merely private fantasies, which I think were on the way towards being inappropriate before stopping. Damn my interfering conscience – life could have been so good.

Once concerned my best female friend (apart from my girlfriend of the time) who had a hot body as well as being lots of fun. I tried pushing the boundaries although I'm not sure I would have crossed any of them, but she made it clear nothing was happening on that front...

Then while I was working one day and waiting on someone, staring out a window, and I saw a girl in the building opposite staring out as well. A tentative wave started a sign language conversation, which developed to her lying on a desk kicking her legs in the air, then finally writing her phone number one digit per sheet of A4 paper and putting them to the window. Despite having the same girlfriend, I gave her a call, chat, and find out she claimed to be a dancer (nice legs so I believed it) down from Queensland to Sydney on holiday visiting a friend, but in the end I wimped out from a face to face meeting. Damn that conscience.

Around the same time - a girl in high school that I'd see on the train station. I am around 6'4", and my very few girlfriends (2 by then) were much smaller than me, and this girl would have been a couple of inches taller than me. I couldn't help but wonder what everything would be like with her (and I mean everything). However, I never did go up to her and speak with her. Then I saw her a couple of years later in a store while I was passing through with same girlfriend - I was absolutely torn with the temptation to duck off and approach her, but wimped out again.

Then there was a nice girl (that was too much like me) which I met while I was single - it seemed like we were too similar, and didn't have anything to talk about as we thought the same too much. Except about how far we wanted to go in the relationship. At least I got to use the line "I've already got enough friends".

Fast forward a few years, and in my current work in a very professional finance area, there is a girl who looks like my wife and who I think is gorgeous. Plus smart, nice personality etc. I get on well with her, but keep everything on a professional level (she is single but knows I'm married), although I do like finding occasions to work with her. Just 2 days ago I was in a meeting with her (the 2 of us plus one other) when she said in a very businesslike way "I'd like to suck... your... knowledge out of you". I froze. The 3rd person froze, but from the corner of my eye it looked like her jaw hit the table. All this while the first one carried on talking in a businesslike way. I was so disorientated my brain closed down, but I managed to mumble some crap ignoring what she said, and kept ignoring it the rest of the meeting. Many levels of inappropriateness there. But I can’t stop wondering whether what she said was based on some repressed feelings inside her? Her true wishes blurting out? I look forward to more inappropriateness it the future (damning my conscience all the way no doubt).

And the final one (I have held you up long enough in your quest to finish the page). A while ago I was giving some training in Melbourne (same girlfriend as the earlier stories) when I was constantly distracted by a drop dead gorgeous girl with a nice personality carrying on to a friend, laughing etc. However, she did come up to me afterwards to apologise. And invite me to the staff Christmas party that night (top time to give a short training course). And then offer to show me around the city. And made it clear she expected a goodbye kiss on the cheek when I left. And kept in contact for 6 months after that. And happened to be seeing a friend near Sydney and wanted a lift from the airport after that. All getting too inappropriate (where does that damn line get drawn with a girlfriend), but finally I realised that there was easy way to fix that - become single again. After that, all was sweet, and after a suitable courting period, I had a Mrs Fillet.

My conscience told me to keep the post short, but I have been able to put it aside this time. Perhaps there is hope for a more interesting future after all?
(Skippyfillet, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 15:22, Reply)