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This is a question Cunning Plans

I once devised a totally foolproof cunning plan to attract the attention of bikini-clad women, which - as you might imagine - failed miserably. Ever come up with a cunning plan for something? Did it work? What went wrong? Do you look back through the filter of the years with a burning sense of shame?

Suggested by Ring of Fire

(, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 11:57)
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Flavoured juice...
Gentleman juice, that is.

I had an entertaining conversation with my g/f and one of her mates regarding the taste of a certain fluid that had recently been exchanged. G/f observed that when I'd had a full English with lots of bacon, she could tell because it was saltier than usual, and when I'd been eaten pineapples she could also tell because it had a flavour she could recognise but not describe and which I had no intention of finding out about first hand.

Her mate then observed that if I could find some way of making it taste like Bacardi and coke, she for one would be more than willing to arrange it so that I'd walking round with wobbly knees all day, every day. (G/f was somewhat put out by this, but given that I couldn't find any way of making it taste like Bacardi and coke and probably never would, it seemed reasonably safe).

Conversation moved on to the fact that not all women like Bacardi and coke, so whatever method you used to affect the flavour would need to be available in different varieties (vodka and orange, Diamond white and Malibu were all mentioned, just to give you an idea of the level of lady we're on about (I'm from an age before Bacardi Breezers, can you tell?)). I suggested that whatever it was - a drink, a foodstuff or even an injection - that achieved this effect could be sold with a sticker or badge that you could wear advertising to your targets what flavour you were packing.

It's a couple of decades on from that conversation now, and I'm disappointed that the medical profession has so far apparently been wasting its time sequencing the human genome, developing anti-retroviral drugs to control the spread of AIDS and researching cancer, and STILL hasn't come up with a way to produce flavoured spunk that women actively want to swallow. Wasters.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 8:57, 19 replies)
They have failed in many ways.
I beleive the mens menu still only consists of 'tuna' 'herring' and 'jellied eel'.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 10:17, closed)
I believe your missus's mate would have soon got bored when she realised there was no alcohol content.
From my experience, you'd be better off with chocolate or cake flavoured semen.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 11:05, closed)
You've been beaten to it:
Besides which:
a) Bacardi&Coke is rank, and only consumed for its alcohol content - your semen isn't likely to be alcoholic
b) posting stories about how your girlfriend sucked you off, and how her friend offered to do the same? If I've learnt one thing from b3ta, it's that you're probably a sweaty virgin.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 11:18, closed)
^ What Fatboy The Pieman's Friend said ^

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 11:35, closed)
Not really
On the evidence offered, I'm saying that:

1. I got *some* oral action off *one* girl 20 years ago.
2. It got talked about in the presence of her mate who made a rude and entirely not-serious "offer" that was emphatically never followed up and never looked likely to be.

Hardly "check out what a stud I am" territory.

And yes, I'm sweaty. It's hot in here.
(, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 9:21, closed)
You don't seem very upset.
B3ta is no place for rational human beings with a sense of perspective, y'know.
(, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:36, closed)
You Horrible Horrible Bully!
How dare you suggest that I don't have a sense of perspective.

I'm going to come round to your house right now so Amorous Badger's dog can bite you.
with his teeth!
(, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:53, closed)
maybe if you washed your cock your girlfriend might be more inclined to put it in her mouth, and then you wouldn't have her creepy hambeast mate stalking you.
parmesan - great on pasta, rank on genitals.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 12:03, closed)

Its not the flavour thats the problem, its the texture. Runny snot isnt pleasant, whatever the flavour.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 12:16, closed)
i like runny ones and crusty ones
what of it?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 12:21, closed)
oh, come on now.
if it's still body temperature it's fine. give it a couple of minutes and it's like cold egg-jelly. urk.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:02, closed)
best for smearing, then, whilst you giggle.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:18, closed)
In the interest of gender equality:
how would you know, you virginal basement-dweller, you?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:28, closed)
She roams dogging car parks early in the morning
sucking out the contents of used jonnies
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:07, closed)
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:20, closed)

I'm waay past the age where I have to pretend to like it, whatever the temperature :P

And anyway, it really depends on how long the bloke has been saving it up. Not so bad if its nicely runny I guess, but when its thick and gloopy? No way.

And don't get me started on the dribblers - precum might make great lube, but that slimy stringy mess will not be getting anywhere near my mouth.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 18:33, closed)
is excellent wanking material. Have you considered writing a blog?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 20:22, closed)
patent and throw huge amounts of marketing money behind a new alcopop called Bacardi & Cock.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:40, closed)
I'm waiting for someone
to test the over-ripe Brie flavour I've concocted
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 23:52, closed)

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