Contains mild swearing and threat of moderate violence. Rated PG.
I worked in a cinema for a few years when I was a student. Great job, one of the best part-time deals going. Free cinema tickets, all the pick n' mix your tiny pockets could hide, decent hours, and I got to work in the pay-box and be abusive to anyone trying to blag a student rate. The only downside was the hideous uniform involving a stripy waistcoat, a bow-tie and a calf-length navy skirt. I refused the baseball cap on the basis that I already looked enough of a mong.

It was allocated seating as standard in each screen, so we'd chant "where would you like to sit: front, middle or back?" to everyone. When they seemed unsure we'd explain that they could move to any free seat they liked once the movie started.

One lunchtime a man came to my booth window and asked for a ticket into some non-descript film (probably Showgirls - I think it was a horror movie anyway). I asked him where he wanted to sit and he said the middle, so I issued the ticket accordingly.

Five minutes later he stormed back and banged on the window. "You put me in an empty screen!" he ranted.

I checked. I hadn't. "The screen is empty because the film doesn't start for another 10 minutes," I told him politely.

Five minutes later he seethed his way back to me and in a voice implying major catastrophe and imminent death, yelled: "I ASKED FOR MIDDLE. YOU PUT ME AT THE BACK!".

I took his ticket and checked it. "You're in row J" I replied. "There are 20 rows in that cinema. You cannot get any more central than that."

The customer does not like being wrong. He unleashed a torrent of abuse at me that included "whore", "scum", "bitch", "rude", and "stupid". Well, that did it! No one gets to call me stupid unless they're smarter than me, and he was the sort of man who points at aeroplanes with his sixth toe. I leaned forward to the spittle-flecked window, reached up, and swiftly pulled down the blind, blocking his purple face from view.

Once the foamy-mouthed ranter had finished banging on the glass and issuing dire threats I went upstairs to report the incident to my boss. I didn't make it past the first sentence before bursting into tears (this was back in the days before I'd had my niceness gland surgically removed and replaced with pure unadulterated cycnicism). My boss put her arm round my shoulder, handed me a tissue, and said "you don't have to take that kind of crap from anyone. We don't pay you enough for that."

The customer is always right up to the point where he pisses me off and then he's just a cunt.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 17:24, 11 replies)

I don't know about anyone else
but I'm totally turned on by the description of your uniform. Any chance of a picture?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 17:28, closed)

^I think
I might still have the faux tux shirt somewhere...

Did I mention we were allowed to wear a grey cardigan in the winter? I own loads of those though, so it wasn't a highlight.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 17:31, closed)

The cardigan isn't
doing anything for me, the calf length skirt and bow tie though. Phwoar!
(Bazongaloid, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 17:32, closed)

^don't forget the stripey waistcoat
and the clumpy lace-up black shoes. MMmmmm.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 17:33, closed)

Oh god
I've practically spunked in my pants.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 17:34, closed)

*wistfuls*
if only it were Wednesday at 4 o'clock...
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 17:35, closed)

Actually
since it's thursday, I'm not wearing anything at all, so i'll just spunk on the desk instead.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 17:39, closed)

"and he was the sort of man who points at aeroplanes with his sixth toe"
this earns you a click, you wonderful lady
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 22:04, closed)

*click*
The last sentence sums up my entire attitude too.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 10:04, closed)

So many good bits
its hard to pick any one - but the sixth toe pointing made me lol!

*clicky*
(Nogin the Nog is the good one! Beware Nogbad the Bad!, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 13:32, closed)

Oh fuck me yes.....
That last line says everything it all, I feel. Thank you for putting that feeling into words.
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 15:33, closed)