Call Centre Woes
Whilst working in a call centre I've spoken to some right cunts, to name but a few:
Called up and insisted that I insure her 17 year old daughter on our 7 day drive away policy after the other 3 people she had spoken to said no, and also refund her for the time she had been on hold all those times. I said nay, your daughter would have to be the owner and keeper of the car before we were able to insure her. She kicked up a fuss and was insistent that we were conning her into taking an insurance policy, which we wasn’t, we just wanted you to fuck off. If she had listened to the recorded messages and also to the advisors that told her the insurance would only cover the owner and their spouse. But no, we were still conning. At this point I went to get my manager, who listened back to the call back she had been told at the beginning and end of the call yet when asked if she was happy with this she confirmed in the affirmative., So our attitude was, well fuck her and left her to sort her own shit out.
Then was the "gentleman" who yet again believed we were conning him, I informed him that he was more than welcome to get his own insurance on his new Mundaneo (oops gave the company away) yet he didn't want to do this and insisted that we still go ahead and do this. once I gave him the price he laughed and said "well that was pointless". So I asked if he wanted the reference number (the garage asks for this in order to match up paper work, why the fuck they can't use registration numbers fuck only knows. I guess car dealers are thick as shit [I’m sure there are some clever ones but the ones I have come across in my job makes me didn't fill me with confidence]) Anyway, he didn't have a pen and didn't want to type the number into his mobile phone so I said "well it will be on your paperwork anyway" to which he swore at me an hung up. Now, This was the biggest mistake ever, as I hadn't yet closed the file on the computer so could still fuck him up. I went back into the quote, I changed his reg number to "AR53 OLE" on the paper work, didn't bother sending it either. I was going to leave it at that but then I thought, no fuck it he was that rude to me so I closed the file on the computer. Then did a copy of his old file, making the old one inaccessible. Then closed the new one without any details in it. Basically he would have got to the garage to up his brand new wank-mobile. To be asked for proof of insurance on the vehicle. (They didn't have to get insurance though us they could just carry their old insurance over onto the new vehicle from their old one) He wouldn’t have had this so the car wouldn’t have been taxed, so he would have had to call us up on one of our busiest days (sometimes we had over 120 people queuing to talk to us, today was one of these days) only to be told he had to waste another 10 minutes because his other file appeared to be corrupt. Yes, it did make me feel both big and clever.
Now its not all bad, I have some lovely customers, but these are about the customers from hell, when there is a nice customers one I will regale you about how lovely some human beings are etc etc.
Then there was the paedophile who called to get his seven days, part of the general insurance questions are “Have you, or any named drivers have or had any criminal convictions, spent or unspent”
This guy started laughing and I asked him why it was funny, he then had to move to another room and tell me that he has been convicted of producing and distributing child pornography” Which I find violently sick and he finds funny. To which I reply “We don’t insure nonces” and hung up on him. I still have his address if anyone wants it.
Now a few general tips when calling call centres:
We understand you are angry, we understand why you would be so. You don't need to shout at us, it makes us less inclined to help you out, in fact, it will make us flat out refuse to speak to you.

If you hear the line go totally silent like and you can’t even hear that call centre din you can usually hear in the back ground, we have our fingers over the voice tube of the headset and are swearing about you to the people around us cause you are being a) a complete and utter cunt and need to vent b) you’re a retard who shouldn’t be allowed to drive a car or c) you sound funny and we want to give our mates a laugh. Yea we could put you on hold while we do this however, if you are on hold and we talk about you we are still recorded.

If we put you on hold for more than about 15 minutes hang up, we don’t want to talk to you anymore.

Anyone who even dare utter the line “I pay your wages” Will be met with the line “You don’t pay me enough to speak to people like you” and promptly hear the phone go dead

But before anyone starts “you’re what is wrong with call centres” you can all fuck right off, if you are pleasant and courteous I will be more than happy to help you. Yesterday I gave up my lunch to help a lady who's son had forgot to cancel his breakdown cover on his van when he went out to Iraq, but it had come out of her account. I got her a refund for the full amount with no calcelation fee.


There are more but will post later if I get time

P.S. To any call centre managers reading, if your advisor has told a customer we won’t give them a refund, then they ask to speak to you, Do not fucking undermine us and give them the refund anyway. They forgot to cancel their insurance they are at fault. Don’t make me look like a dick and expect me to want to his your wankpottery targets, it ain’t going to happen. Cunstab
(Range, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 15:28, 6 replies)

Call centre rant
Thank you for your interesting rants about idiot customers who call in.

I have every sympathy for people who work in call centres, and I have never been rude to them. I will just say one thing though - the thing which DOES make me absolutely furious:

When I call because of a complicated account query which REQUIRES a human operator to deal with, and cannot possible by dealt with automatically, or via the company's website - why oh why do these fucktard companies INSIST in making customers sit through five minutes of bullshit with automated telephone options (Press 1 for option blabla, etc), with constant messages about how you can do business on the company's website - with NO option which simply says "Press 0 to speak to a human operator"?

It absolutely pisses me off when I am forced to go through all of this - and then finally, when I do get the Operator option, I am put in a queue which does not tell me my place in it.

I have dealt with several companies which use a very simple but ingenious queuing system, which tells customers "You are number 7 in the queue", every 30 seconds or so. This is absolutely fine. I don't mind waiting in a telephone queue. I perfectly understand that there are other customers, and I am willing to wait my turn. What I am NOT willing to do, however, is to spend 20 minutes, listening to muzak, with no idea if I'm going to be the very next person, or if I still have an hour to wait. I am therefore unable to make a decision whether or not to bother to continue, or to just call back at another time.

OFTEL should make a law stating that:

1) ALL companies with telephone queuing systems must use the technology which tells customers their place in the queue, and;

2) Companies are REQUIRED to have a "Speak to a human operator" option in the FIRST set of menu options, without being forced to listen to several minutes of crap and go around in circles.

Just wanted to get that off my chest.
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 16:42, closed)

I know your frustration, imagine trying to transfer customers to a busy line. I know every work To Haircut 100s my baby, karina and the waves, beautiful morning and lighthouse family's lifted. These are not the best hold songs.

The reason we don't have a "press 0 to speak to operator" is becuase people have diffrent specialitys, sure the phone options system is a fucking chore, i understand that, but think about if you were waiting 20 minutes to speak to an operator who would then do the job of the automated system for you, and then put you in the 20 minute que for what you called up for.
(Range, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 17:19, closed)

Simple answer to that...
Have several different phone numbers for different departments.

0845 123 0001 for sales
0845 123 0002 for technical support
0845 123 0003 for payment queries

Etc. It doesn't cost that much to have several phone lines: I'm sure the companies can afford them!
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 17:36, closed)

Try getting customers to ring the right number. Tard public will google the company name and call the first number that appears. We have several diffrent numbers so that we can contact diffrent departments straight away, the reason we very rarely give these numbers out to the public is becuase thats the number they will ring whenever they want anything.
I can see your point though, if people could look for the right number that would be a great idea.
(Range, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 17:47, closed)

If i call a company
and know that I will most likely need to call them again for various reasons, I'll ask if they have direct dial numbers for different departments. Makes things easier for me, and I know how annoying it is - I've been on both sides of the phone :(
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 18:28, closed)

Natural Selection will take care of that
There's an easy solution. On the literature sent out to existing customers, list the various specific numbers.

Those customers who have an IQ over 50 will take note, and save themselves hassle.

Those less intelligent "'tard" customers who just call the first number regardless, are the ones who will be stuck in the automated systems.

Simple :)
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 18:36, closed)