Dad vs Pervert
Being the youngest in the family meant that I was forced into the first shower slot – 5:30am. In order to immensely piss off my sister, I’d do my best to use all the hot water and overrun my allotted time.

One morning I was stood in the shower planning some awesome sister hate, when I heard some tapping. “Tap tap tap,” it went. “SISTER, I’M IN THE SHOWER!” I shouted. “Tap tap tap.” “GODDAMMIT. Stop being such a bitch!” “TAP TAP TAP.” “Oh, for fuck’s sake!”

Dad, hearing the commotion, roused himself from slumber to threaten both my sister and I. Only my sister wasn’t there, she was asleep. Curious, he crept into the lounge and peered out the window. And what did he find, my friends? That’s right. A man looking into the bathroom window and masturbating.

Doing what any crazed dad would do, he grabbed a rifle and gave chase. Through the snow and barefoot, he chased after this man wearing only his y-fronts. Alas, the pervert was faster than my father and he eventually gave up to make that long journey home. Through this close-knit community of 1500 people, my dad wandered the streets in his underpants just as the city was eating its breakfast.

I got into school eager to tell all of my friends about the masturbating pervert, but the students and the teachers pipped me to the question:

“Why was your dad walking down the street in his underwear holding a gun?”

Upon later inspection, the pervert had made a masturbation plinth and had had spent an incredible amount of time, effort and very early mornings knocking one off to me, a 15 year old ginger hamster-turned-teenage girl, in the shower. Dad took the first shower slot from then on.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 11:08, 9 replies)

POID ... erm ...
Gosh.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 11:29, closed)

Masturbation plinth?
Can you buy them at B&Q?
(Smale is stuffed, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 12:15, closed)

5:30 am?
How fucking many of you were there?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 13:08, closed)

Well, first The Snark would go in, then ...
Er ...

Oh - gosh - is that the time? I must, er ... go ... over there ... somewhere ...
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 13:43, closed)

He could have followed the footprints .
to the perverts lair.
( bane, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 20:44, closed)

I see...
...you have previous.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 30 Nov 2010, 21:26, closed)

Your whole life is a haberdashery of perverts and weirdness
this is why I like you 'ginger pubes' lol
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:50, closed)

Ha.
Not so much anymore. My life is work and misathropy. Oh, and wine.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:08, closed)

Now you sound like Cliff Richard...
.. very seasonal.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:38, closed)