being a bit of a stoner
darkness for me is coupled with paranoia. i've almost shat myself a number of times. these include:

hearing a loud thud on my bedroom door about 4 a.m. there was no-one there, my front door was locked, but i swear there was a boot-print on the bedroom door.

due to a cardigan sliding off its coat hanger in my wardrobe, i got freaked out and convinced myself someone or something was coming out of the wardrobe to get me. i took down the washing line, used it to tie the wardrobe doors closed, then went back to sleep.

heard a noise outside the front door at about 2 a.m.
went to look what it was and saw a hand coming through the letterbox, reaching up to try to unlock the door. i had a fork in my hand(i had the munchies and was eating noodles), so i crept up and jabbed the encroaching hand with it. there was the muffled sound of someone large and male saying "fuck!" and then some running.
spent the rest of the night wide awake, clutching a huge butcher's knife.

most recently, i heard someone trying to get into my flat through the living room window at about 3.30 a.m. i'm in a downstairs flat these days, so i peeked through the bedroom blinds and could just make out a shadowy shape outside. i phoned the police straight away and, fair enough, they were here within 10 minutes. they didn't find anyone, but i leave my living room light on all night now.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 23 Jul 2009, 17:22, 14 replies)

shhh
































































BOO!
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 23 Jul 2009, 20:01, closed)

0_0

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 16:58, closed)

...
1) and 2): meh.
4): ho hum. It happens.

3): Fucking hell, Smash! That's ridiculously scary. I'm going to fill my letter box with polyfilla as soon as I can. I'm also going to click.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 23 Jul 2009, 20:45, closed)

i moved out of that place a couple of weeks later
it was a huge high rise and there were only 3 of us left in there. it was seriously scary at night
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 23 Jul 2009, 23:04, closed)

That sounds like a really nice area to live in...
And good job you were eating noodles and not cereal - spooning a guy's hand may not be so effective...
( snee held his breath since, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 8:25, closed)

yep
rougher than a badger's arse
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 18:34, closed)

Do not
leave the living room light on all night (don't you watch The Wire?) you could get shot and you would never even see the shooter standing outside in the darkness...

tap tap tap tap tap tap . . .
(aroe_m0rre, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 11:44, closed)

i don't sleep in the living room
so turning the light off when i go to bed wouldn't make a difference to saving me from a shooting
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 18:35, closed)

.
I'm still laughing at the tying up the wardrobe door.

I am very tired though.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 16:49, closed)

i haven't got a wardrobe anymore
they still freak me out a bit
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 18:36, closed)

Didn't get a hand to stab, unfortunately
I wandered out of the living room at about 2am to see 20ft of taped-together garden canes poked in through the catflap waving around. There was a magnet on the end, and the nasty little tealeaves were trying to get hold of a bunch of keys I'd left on the table at the back of the kitchen.

Front door was locked, so I just slapped it really hard on the glass and they fucked right off. If I'd been a bit more together I'd have taken a photo of the little shitbags through the flap instead.

Those canes are now propping up a tomato crop, so all's ended well!
( Fronds are waving gently on, Sun 26 Jul 2009, 0:04, closed)

2 mates of mine have been burgled
because of leaving spare keys on those key hooks by their front doors. i never leave spare keys anywhere they can be seen and my main set live in my handbag.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 26 Jul 2009, 21:46, closed)

Fucking hell! (The hand/letterbox thingy)
I leave a key in the lock when I lock my front door at night. My reasoning being that I live in a rural area with no crime and I dont want to be fighting with the door if my house is burning down.

I wont be doing it anymore.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 15:22, closed)

best thing to do
is leave a spare key beside your bed. that way, it's always to hand in case of nighttime emergencies.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 20:33, closed)