India
I went backpacking a few years ago with the missus (now ex). I think we nearly died a good few times.

First stop was Mumbai to Goa. In the Mumbai main central station, i saw my first dead body.

We later arrived in sunny Goa.
Where we relaxed for the first day, but realised that we should be out exploring. So i decide to get a scooter.
To cut a long story short, i crashed it after i left a club, yes i'd had two beers and stupidly smoked a spliff and tried to drive back to the guesthouse 'carefully', but managed to break too hard and sent myself and my girlfriend flying off the wretched thing(I hate myself for this, as if nearly killing myself wasn't enough), i landed hip first but managed to protect my head with my arm.
I guess I skidded a good eight feet or so in nothing but t-shirt and shorts and left a fair chunk of flesh on the Goa road.

As if the impact wasn't enough, my girlfriend (luckily) landed on me, taking my breath away, a second later the scooter landed on my ankles.

Without even feeling any pain, just pure cold shock, i picked myself up and turned around to check on my missus, who was cradling her elbow. Thankfully she had only grazed it, but then i took a look at myself.

So i peeled back my t-shirt and noticed a hole in my hip. My t-shirt was drenched in blood and upon further examination i noticed stones had embedded into my flesh. I also took one looke at my elbow and noticed a bloodied flap of skin (again with lots of stones).

I then picked up the scooter, assured the missus that we would be fine 'I'll drive very slow' and we hopped on. We drove for a mile or so, and realised that we were completely lost, so i found a small cafe/food stall/bar and slowed down to ask one of the workers as to the whereabouts of my lodgings. He then tried to chat up my missus (oblivious to my injuries) and demanded that she should stay there with him.

I rode off.
(I was by then in shock and in some cowardly way - I denied myself a visit to the hospital and got back to the guesthouse and politely asked my girlfriend to roll me a very strong spliff, as i would be spending the next three hours removing bits of stone and gravel from my body. I smothered myself in stinging, excrutiating anti-septic and bandaged myself up. The next five weeks, i spent limping around India, my ankles were horribly bruised, my elbow was knackered and my hip was agony. The hip wound at one point turned yellow, but just kept rubbing anti-septic into it. It got better after a while.

Three weeks after this incident, we visited a small coastal town called Gokarna, which was very pleasant, but contained some very shady characters, one of whom was a book/jewellery store owner. He was effectively a confidence trickster and lured us into a false sense of security. We had known him for a few days and he seemed very pleasant and had a good sense of humour. In the typical Indian custom, he invited us to visit his family for a meal, we could not refuse.

So we later arrived at his shop and he closed up for the day and took us to his house, which existed in a vast maze of alleyways, several minutes from the main road. Sure enough we met his family, which just so happened to be two other males. Who did nothing but stare at me as i politely but messily ate the offered rice with my bare hand. The owner of the shop, meanwhile kept staring and staring at my ex.

So, i thought, it's only my imagination, and eventually the other two guys left the flat, leaving us alone with him. He rolled up a very strong spliff (charas - afghani stuff) and we eventually 'chilled out'...... until the paranoia kicked in, but certainly not unfounded as he kept telling me to stop sitting with my girlfriend, how i should maybe have a look around his house (dark rooms) and how he kept telling me how beautiful she was. Hmm...

But then he started asking very personal questions (moreso than a typically curious local would) and i got the feeling that i was gonna be murdered. The door to the outside was locked, and suddenly i felt very sleepy. It was the fucking weed. I thought he'd laced it.

I checked my pockets for a potential weapon and found my pen knife (a gift from a friend), and the blade was probably only an inch long (worst pen knife ever), so i thought it would be down to fisty-cuffs.

The next thing i knew he had his hand on her, OKAY time to go. I managed to 'man up' enough to break the taboo of cultural politeness and made to escape, where he blocked my way and demanded we stay.
'Shit i thought, i'm going to have to fight this bloke and i've got a fucked hip and a shit knife'.

But he let us go.... I dunno how and why, but i think he must have realised that we wouldn't go out without a fight (her included). But as we left he grabbed her in a very long and over friendly hug and then gave us directions back to town and told us to 'be careful of the police, they don't like foreigners'.

Phew....

Not quite, my girlfriend wanted to follow his directions, but i didn't trust them. So i used my direction sense and managed to get us back on the main road (albeit a mile away from where we started), but his directions would have sent us god knows where....

We were shaken, but on the right path... A little stoned, a little excited, but alive and well.

Until... A few moments later we found ourselves being followed by a pack of street dogs. If you don't know, Indians do NOT have pet dogs, Dogs are generally considered vermin and filthy and are gutter-beasts. During the hot day, they sleep, to avoid the blazing sun and the damaging rikshaw wheels and kicks from people who pass them.

At night, they are hungry psychopaths. In many parts of India, children have been found torn to pieces by such dogs and here we were being followed down a VERY dark and empty street.

More and more of the beasts awoke and stepped from the shadows and soon there were at least ten or more dogs all getting closer and nipping at our heels. SHIT.
'Look for a stick or a large rock' i said to her, but unfortunately fate had planted us in the ONLY street in India with no rocks and no sticks and i'd be damned if i'd use the shit pen knife.

I thought this was the end, we were doomed, we had managed to get away from the freak, but only to be killed by rabid, skeletal dogs.

But.... Our saviour arrived in the form of a flying chair and a flash of light. A bloke in the next building had heard something and checked outside. He'd spotted us two white-skinned, terrified looking youngsters surrounded by dogs and had immediately reacted by switching on a very powerful lamp and lobbed a wooden chair at the pack.

We were saved.....

Phew... and i've not even mentioned my terrible vomiting and shitting sickness i developed in Rikishesh, or the terrifying bus rides through the himalaya's (a rusty metal box, filled with people, hurtling down a slope with little or no brakes!) or the confrontation with very dodgy geezers in Goa, who demanded that we take jewels to australia from Mumbai.

Apart from that though India was great, and i can now look back at those days and smile, but at the time it was very scary and maturing experience for me.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 2:30, 19 replies)

Oh....
and I forgot to mention some Islamic militant got arrested in the same area as us.

He had collected grenades and a gun and had apparantly planned to go mental in Goa. Luckily the police had caught him or we would have ended up in some massacre.

I shit you not.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 2:34, closed)

I'm
going to give you a click 'cos that was well told.

It still amazes me that I managed to get through my teens and twenties without any serious harm - despite hitch-hiking everywhere including all around Europe.


Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 2:56, closed)

I wanna do Europe next.
maybe in a few years. Any suggestions?
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 3:17, closed)

Avoid Switzerland
it's the pits.

It's the most miserable place I've been in my life.

Spain is ace, inland, away from the tourists. The Pyrenee's are magic.

Germany and Austria are good - people, especially the young, are super friendly. We got kidnapped by a gang of bikers and held in a cabin in the mountains for three weeks. They kept us there by plying us with beer, spliffs and ladies. All they wanted from us ws to practise their English. They wouldn't let us pay for a thing. Lovely people.

If you're with a lady, avoid northern Italy. 5 days, 5 fights. They're convinced that all english girls want to fuck an Italian and won't take no for an answer.

Paris is both good and bad, The people suck but some of the buildings are magic. You have to see Notre Damm.

Leave Amsterdam until last. You won't want to leave.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 3:52, closed)

good summary!
the main story though, further accentuates my thoughts that I really wouldn't like India!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:29, closed)

Christ, I agree with you on the Switzerland thing...
Drove into Lausanne, couldn't find anywhere to stay - the youth hostel lot couldn't be more unhelpful. To cap it off, some bloke steamed right off the pavement into the path of my car, then sidestepped and gave it a really meaty boot.

That was it.

I got out, threw him into a pub doorway and gave the usual half-potted screaming vitriol one does when the red mist comes down.

And then we made the decision to drive back into France, and found this lovely little place in a mountain town, with an excellent restaurant next door, and had a great time!
(JohabMorelli is spenging merrily away, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:52, closed)

You See?

That's how bad Switzerland. It makes, even France, look good.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 10:18, closed)

Not f***ing wrong.
Been in Bern for nearly two years and can't wait to get the f*** out...
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 18 Feb 2009, 12:58, closed)

That's why I don't leave the south coast of England*



*May be due to money and time rather than scary stories from the east.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 9:03, closed)

Travelling
does sound like fun, but India sounds absolutely shit, scary, filthy, depressing and dangerous.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 9:39, closed)

!!!!!!!!!!
Thats because the qotw is never "tell us about the most beautiful, tranquil, relaxing experience of your life".
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 11:24, closed)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My view is based on many more stories and accounts than the one above, this merely added to the already deep seated knowledge that India is a place that can just fuck right off!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 12:22, closed)

.
India is such a massive diverse place. You can live in opulent luxury, or like a dog.
When I visited Thailand and India, the far majority of tourists with injuries, did it falling off motorbikes.
And anywhere unfamiliar can become frightening, particularly if you've taken drugs.

I challenge anyone to visit the beaches of Kerala, or the Himalayan villages, and say there is anything scary or unpleasant about India.

And one more thing, if you get a £500 holiday to Goa, load up on pills, and treat the place like your own personal heated nightclub and dealer in one, don't complain when the locals start to get a bit ratty.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 12:44, closed)

Agreed.
I've just been in Tamil Nadu, and everyone was really friendly. I'm planning a trip to Kerala next, hopefully also going to Ooty. TBH, Goa sounds like my personal idea of hell.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 14:10, closed)

I got back from India 4 days ago...
the sheer amount of hungry-looking stray dogs about made me a bit nervous. Fine during the day, they just lie there and sunbathe, but at night they were far more active, and took a great deal of interest in us.

And the traffic...jesus. I swear my buttocks are still clenched in terror...
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 9:54, closed)

.
ha ha this story really made me laugh, like a "choose your own adventure" book.

I love the idea of stoned paranoid people suddenly running for it.

"Hello. My name is Magresh".
"AAAH! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 11:21, closed)

Seriously,
think yerselves lucky.

mate of mine accepted a dinner invitation in India in 2002 and ended up spending two weeks chained up in a mountain hut by the bloke who went on to kidnap/murder Daniel Pearl.

first we knew was the press conference on the news when they were freed - cue dropping tea and spluttering bloody hell, that's rhys! on teh news!
(surlygirl spanked your monkey on, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 12:22, closed)

.
This is Lonely Planet's fault isn't it?

"Never offend the locals by refusing a dinner invitation".
"Locals may attack you in the street. Accept that this is part of their culture".
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 12:49, closed)

Aah guys
Despite my seemingly negative story, India IS a beautiful place, don't get me wrong, the slums of Mumbai were at points horrifying, but until you've seen a sandstorm roll over a blue city, or watched the sun suddenly sink into horizon burning red over a silver sea, or walked through a temple carved ENTIRELY from a HUGE block of marble... then don't judge.

I admit, my own naivety led me into most of those chaotic situations, but at the end of the day, i have a mean scar and great memories.

I'm definately going to go back... :)
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 0:11, closed)