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This is a question Dates Gone Wrong

Ever gone on a date when "she" turned out to be a male university lecturer in his 50s who tucked his shirt into his Y-fronts? No, me neither. Tell us how it all went shit-faced.

(, Thu 4 Sep 2014, 13:13)
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Not proud of this one.
Going back about 20 odd years. I was young, single, lived alone and had a fairly fluid financial situation. Due to this I *sometimes* found myself in predicaments where I might meet a partner in one evening and end up bedding them before sun-up. Don't you judge me you filthy cunts! I am a man of good moral fiber. Now.

One such evening I met Marion. She and I hit it off and after much libations we strolled/staggered back to my humble abode.
The following morning after some slightly less strenuous than the night before's drunken effort, morning delight and a warm breakfast (I lived above a cafe and knew the owners well) we exchanged numbers and promised to call, when she did mention that she was living with her mum who could be a bit chatty so beware of that if I called. We both knew I wouldn't.
Ahh, the 90's. Remember when you could give someone a phone no. and they couldn't get your life history based on that?

A few weeks later I was at a party held by my mum's next door neighbors for their musician son - celebrating his first album launch. I was enjoying the cold imported beers from the cooler when I came across an attractive older woman called Nina (my mums neighbor's son agent - maybe 20 odd years older than me). She was well shaped in all the right places and was wearing a fitted red dress and very nice black stockings. As I was by then living in a shared house with 3 other blokes, when she sensually purred into my ear that we could get going I got the the cab to head to her place. That night my Mrs Robinson and I pretty much explored as much of the sexual spectrum that we both felt comfortable with. Suffice to say not an orifice was left untouched and both parties fell into a drunken slumber well satisfied.

The following morning after a slightly more gentle bout of rumpy-pumpy I got up in the nick and availed myself of the ablutionary amenities. As I was siphoning the python the bathroom door opened and in strolled Marion from a few weeks before. I tried to shout and cover my shame and she fucking bolted. Moments later I was dressed and in the kitchen headed to the door with my polite but hasty goodbyes when Nina had to introduce me to her daughter Marion.
We locked eyes, I turned and left and never saw either of them again.

tl;dr - I fucked a mum and a daughter and despite it being a fantasy for many men, it wasn't good.
(, Sat 6 Sep 2014, 10:29, 14 replies)
You fucked your mum and your sister. Norfolk.

(, Sat 6 Sep 2014, 10:32, closed)
Norfolk Island.

(, Sat 6 Sep 2014, 10:41, closed)
You spelt Inbred wrong.

(, Sat 6 Sep 2014, 11:40, closed)
What do you mean "there's no bread"?

(, Sat 6 Sep 2014, 15:06, closed)
Learn English, you dumb cunt.

(, Sat 6 Sep 2014, 12:29, closed)
i see those charm school classes are working out well

(, Sat 6 Sep 2014, 13:22, closed)
I taught Dale Carnegie all he knows.

(, Sat 6 Sep 2014, 13:54, closed)
Matt Johnson, taxi driver

(, Sat 6 Sep 2014, 13:57, closed)
the bloke from The The?

(, Sat 6 Sep 2014, 20:59, closed)

(, Sun 7 Sep 2014, 0:07, closed)
"Suffice to say not an orifice was left untouched"
She fucked your arse?
(, Sun 7 Sep 2014, 7:48, closed)
Take away from that phrase what you will.
I'm surprised no-one's thought of ears, ocular cavities and nostrils tbh!
(, Sun 7 Sep 2014, 8:38, closed)
That's because they're too small for us normal blokes

(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 9:26, closed)
I was going to go into a huge autistic rant about the fact that I wrote "untouched" but didn't specify which body parts thus negating your suggestion that my penis is only the size of either nostrils or ears. But... have this instead you cleverclogs!

(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 9:32, closed)

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