No, don't leave, I really like you.
Several years ago I went on one of those 'university sports tours' which the Daily Mail uses as an example of society disintegrating.

After the first night out I and a few others end up back an apartment shared by several ladies from our uni with whom we were fairly well acquainted. One of these ladies was an attractive young sort who shall be known as C. C had partaken in a few to many Sambucas and had decided to have a little cry about lady problems such as the price of shoes, menstruation and her mothers terminal illness*, you know the sort of shit bitches moan about.

Being the nice guy I am, I suggested going for a walk, as I dont imagine blubbering like a mong in front of a bunch of friends and acquaintances improves ones street cred. After a little walk to McDonalds she had calmed down a bit and I suggested (purely platonically at this point) we go back to mine, as I have some booze there. She agreed and we wander back to the same hotel, but down the corridor to mine for a cheeky shandy. Having had her cry and moan, she seemed to perk up a wee bit. We had a started having a bit of a laugh, while we watched late night Spanish telly, we had a good gossip about mutual friends and the mood lifted. As we chatted and shared our burgers while drinking some cheep Mediterranean booze, the cogs in my drink addled head started to turn.

Me, a pretty lady, drink, laughter, in my room, late at night...

SEX!!! I'm going to get laid! AWEfuckinSOME!

I played it cool, kept the conversation lite, we joked about how I had seen her left tit earlier in the day while she was adjusting herself. I was like Casanova and James Bond's bastard son with added eye glint and a bulge in my trousers that would intimidate a prize stallion. I wasn't normally this lucky with women, so just being in the same room as one was like foreplay. She was telling me how funny, nice and lovely I am, I was fucking in, I could almost taste it. Back of the net. Although as is so often the case, the path of true love did not run smoothly.

From cruising along happily at 10,000 ft direct to Pootangville, my flight was suddenly hit by turbulence. The pilot warned of a possible unscheduled stop and Haveawankandacry International Airport if conditions did not improve.

"I'd best get back now" She said with a caring and sincere smile.

"Oh" I replied.

"Thanks for tonight, you are so wonderful"

She kissed me on the cheek and went for the door. It was now or never, if I didnt act, the only filet'o'fish I would be eating would be the leftovers in the kitchen.

"I really like you!" I blurted. "I have done for ages."

"Oh" Her cheery smile was replaced by extreme awkwardness.

"You are great, but, I'm just not ready for anything like that. Blah blah blah, platitude platitude, generic heartbreaking letdown etc."

Only it wasn't a heartbreaking letdown, I didn't really give a toss about this girl, but now I was all but telling her I loved her. I had only said it in a last ditch effort to get my end away. I was stuck, I couldn't turn it around and say, 'Only kidding, I just wanted to boink you. I dont even like you that much.'

Of course personal epic failures like this do not stay private for very long. For the rest of the week I was subject to pity and ridicule in equal measure and any attempt at explaining my actions as a drunken, lustful Hail Mary, were met with deep cynicism.

*This isn't true before anyone declares an online Jihad against me, she was crying about an ex-boyfriend. I just said it for teh lulz.
(Bam Bam McPenis will change all this when he is fuhrer., Fri 24 Sep 2010, 16:33, 3 replies)

Probably good you didn't boink her.
It would have lead to awkwardness and, if she was the type to tell everyone what you said, your friends calling you "Mr Floppy" or "Mr Premature" or something if you weren't absolutely great in the sack.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 17:21, closed)

Mmmm, I've fucking
been there.......
(Daw the Cunt Deffiency in keeping Wind since 1970, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 18:43, closed)

I like your username.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 15:47, closed)