Once upon a time...
There was a little seaside town on the south coast, known for being the site of a certain english battle that occurred sometime back in 1066.
It has a slowly disintegrating pier which the council feels perfectly happy to tout as a tourist attraction but refuses to even touch it with money. Hardly any parking and park that has been commandeered in its entirety by seagulls. The best thing thats happened to it in years was that banksy came along and sprayed on one of the sea defence walls.
It goes by the name of Hastings. It is also completely surrounded by quite a few council estates.
By day it is relaxed, busy and occasionally you get someone coming up to you wanting you to sign up to a charity. However by some Jekyll and Hyde nature, the town turns ugly by night.
The crap nightclubs open and all manner of chavs come forth to spunk away their dole on sambuca, vodka and smirnoff ices.
Still it was better than nothing, and I lived there all my life. So there I found myself walking home at midnight having just said goodbye to a group of people and feeling completely drunk. I drag myself into super pizza whereapon I order myself a huge pizza. During this time a 60 year old guy gets angry that he had to wait 2 mins longer than what the guy said to him. He starts demanding his money back screaming about how he'll go to the press etc. I on the other hand in my drunken state start to share my negativity on his thoughts, (owing to that I had been working in a chinese takeaway and one thing that pisses me off is stupid drunk customers), he did not partake on my opinion that he was indeed a stupid cunt very well (for some reason). He then begin threatening to slit my throat open but grabbed his pizza and left.***
I finished my pizza after giving a statement to the police. I then went on my merry way back home with a level of new found drunk courage. The way I needed to walk took me through the town centre.
Whereapon I found myself walking past two topless chavs mugging some kids on a bench.
For some reason I stood behind the muggers and tried to make gestures that it was going to be ok to the people on the bench. What the fuck was I thinking??? I made eye contact with one of the muggers. Bad move. They both rounded on me asking what I was looking at. I needed to think my way out of this one fast.

Option 1 - Say I was just walking past.
Option 2 - Say I recognised one of them from the secondary school I used to go to (I did, year below) And came to say 'hi'.
Option 3 - Say I was never looking at them and was in fact standing still watching a nearby seagull.

Guess which one I chose.
Yep. I even pointed out the seagull in question.
At which point I noticed they both had weapons. One had a broken bottle, the other had wrapped something around his hands to make a garrot wire.
At which point they decided to punch, kick and headbutt me to the railings by costa. Out of sheer luck I managed to sucker punch one right in the face. They backed off for one second, then regained the upper hand. Seconds from being bottled by a chav remembering he has a bottle in his hand, a homeless guys come along and shouts the chavs away.
Thank you, again.
After this they walk off. By some miracle (i'm guessing alcohol) I was still standing and now had a swollen left eye and a badly bruised hand from punching randomly back.
I walked over to make sure the kids were ok on the bench.

***- Still a bit fuzzy on how this one played out, but I know I wasn't stabbed and got out ok.

[This was also the last night I saw one of my friends 'Joey' as she was part of the same group I was with. She died 8 hours after this all happened from a brain haemorrhage. :( ..]
( 6821isnotmyPIN Bored cig., Wed 29 Sep 2010, 3:16, 9 replies)

The certain battle that took place in 1066
was actually in Battle, not Hastings.
/pointless pedantry
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 8:30, closed)

and it wasn't a battle, it was a Hastings
they got the name wrong, it should have been the Hastings of Battle
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 9:18, closed)

Didn't some bored nanny knit a blanket about that?
The Hastings of Battle?
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 9:37, closed)

But
it was Hastings at the time of the battle, hence the name change.

/pedantry
(dchurch bah, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 19:12, closed)

Actually no.
It did actually take place in Hastings.

'Battle' Is the town that came after the actual battle of 1066, hence the name 'Battle'.
( 6821isnotmyPIN Bored cig., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 0:48, closed)

"walking past two topless chavs mugging some kids on a bench"
-well, that painted a completely different mental picture for me.
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 10:22, closed)

Gestures
I need to know the gestures.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 13:51, closed)

I cannot
For the life of me remember any.
As I was very drunk at the time.
( 6821isnotmyPIN Bored cig., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 0:52, closed)

That's sad about Joey.

(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 11:24, closed)