tangy cuppa?
a few years ago, when I was at uni, I met this guy who had his own house and everything. we seemed to be getting on OK and on our first real date he took me out for a night on the piss. things progressed as the alcohol levels increased and when the pubs shut ( the bad old days of 11pm closing ),he asked if I fancied going on to a club.....or back to his place for a coffee etc......
we were getting quite snuggly and cuddly...so...back to his place it was.
off to taxi rank...as usual taxi/punter ratio wasn't good.....huge queue...very few taxi's.
by this time all the cider I had been drinking all night was working it's way through me.
being a bit embarrassed about showing my need to pee, I just clamped my thighs together and tried not to jiggle about too much.
eventually we got our cab....and thankfully it wasn't too long before we were dropped off at his door.
by now, I really needed to pee, and I had to hold myself a few times as he fumbled for the key in the lock.
ahh....a gentleman... I thought as he opened the door...turned on the light, and ushered me inside ahead of him.
I saw a frosted glass door at the top of the stairs...excused myself and darted up the stairs.
opened the door....fuck!!....it's a bedroom!
turned around....three more doors on landing...tried the nearest..door was open...looked in....could see computer and bookshelves...fuck!!
was really having to hold myself by now.
ran up to far end of landing..opened door
fuck fuck fuck....another bedroom!!..obviously master bedroom...looked around hoping for en-suite....no luck!!
was bent over double in pain by now...couldn't ever remember being so desperate for a pee ever before!!
had undone top of jeans and zip part down to reduce pressure on bladder.
one last door....not looking good!...opened door ( body contorted )...fucking store cupboard!!!....looked for a bucket!! anything!!
voice from downstairs...."it's down here through the kitchen!"
it was too late....FAR TOO LATE!!!
I was wetting my knickers!!
I ran down the stairs..tears running down my face...pee running down my legs!
he was standing by the door to the living room
"you OK?" he said
"fucking bastard!" I replied...as I continued to puddle the carpet...
then he looked down at the damage, and his face changed....." my NEW carpet!!"
that was it!!....I screamed at him and ran off through the kitchen to the bathroom
I locked the door and plonked myself on the toilet...I was soaked!!...peeled the wet things off..tap on door..."FUCK OFF!!"
couple of minutes later...note under door...could I pass wet clothes out....he would put in washer..which i did
had bath....used ALL his towels!!
had calmed down a bit...so wrapped in towels..went to find him
washing machine was on drying cycle (good)
living room carpet was covered in kitchen towel (bad)
no sign of him
followed trail of kitchen roll up stairs
could hear activity in computer room
went in...he was on computer
I could really have done with a big hug at that time
looked over his shoulder
he was doing an internet search for the best way to get PISS OUT OF CARPETS!!!
he turned round and said that he thought he had found a specialist cleaner that I could phone in the morning!!!
I can't remember the exact words that I screamed at him...but he looked shocked!
I ran down the stairs..he didn't follow
retrieved my jeans and knickers from the washer and phoned a cab
as a parting gesture.....I peed in his electric kettle!!
hope he enjoyed a tangy cuppa in the morning!!
(lemonlips, Sat 17 Nov 2007, 23:41, 10 replies)

Ooooh, that's good!
What a jerk! Does he never clean? Just wash the damn carpet with soap and water. If the piss is still wet, no one will know a thing by the time it dries.

mumble mumble it's his own damn fault, fucking men, don't know how to clean a carpet, for piss sake mumble
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sun 18 Nov 2007, 5:11, closed)

Er...
You, uh, pissed on his carpet and he's the asshole for asking if you were OK and looking up a cleaner?

You *pissed* on his *carpet*...
(clumsyeloquence is a girl, Sun 18 Nov 2007, 10:36, closed)

I second clumsyeloquence's sentiment
Not every bloke would wash your clothes and let you have a bath in that situation. Sounds like a nice guy to me.
(Vorlon, Sun 18 Nov 2007, 16:38, closed)

well done...
...on shitting on a nice bloke after you just pissed on his carpet. You would have been out the door and into the cold night air with your piss soaked clothes if you had just pissed on my new carpet and then told me to fuck off.
(Rickaaay Call me Ricky, for that is my name., Sun 18 Nov 2007, 22:14, closed)

Haha!
I read the previous one.
( Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Mon 19 Nov 2007, 5:22, closed)

hahaha
I clicked for the well written satory, but I relate completely to Rickaaay's POV.

After pissing on my floor and telling me to fuck off, you would have been very much outdoors with a few choice insults to boot.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Mon 19 Nov 2007, 11:21, closed)

What?
As near as I can work out, the chap in question's cardinal offence was in not immediately hugging the OP when she reappeared. (Who had, after all, just pissed on his carpet and given him an earfull)
I hope he finds out where she lives and pees through her letterbox.
(Big D, Mon 19 Nov 2007, 14:55, closed)

Reading
Your previous QOTW answer, pissing yourself seems to be a feature of your existence.

One would think you would be rather more chilled out about publicly relieving yourself.

Agree with the rest of the responses, the guy sounds like a really nice bloke. I hope your personality prevents you from ever finding true happiness.
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Mon 19 Nov 2007, 15:14, closed)

"Walter! They pissed on my fucking rug!"
"That's right dude. They pissed on your fucking rug. It really tied the room together, didn't it?"
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Mon 19 Nov 2007, 17:05, closed)

criticism
well....I seem to have come in for alot of flak here
I may or may not have been in the wrong....but, you will have to appreciate my state of mind at the time...
apart from being so embarrassed at what had happened...I'm sure that he knew full well that I was desperate for the toilet, when he let me rush upstairs like a mad woman in a frantic search for relief.
( I had been as discrete as possible..trying not to hold myself..but he had tried to press my belly in the cab..and I told him to stop because it was likely to make me pee )
when he shouted up the stairs to tell the location of the toilet, just as i was starting to leak uncontrollably...I was just so upset and angry...especially when I saw the smirk on his face when I went into the living room.
sorry...but I just lost it ( in more ways than one!)
I was very kind of him to launder my knickers and jeans...but....all he did was put them in the dryer....meaning they were nice and dry...but smelling of hot piss!!!
I'm sure he really was a nice guy...but...as he seemed to care more for his carpet than he did for me...I have no real regrets about filling his kettle.
(lemonlips, Tue 20 Nov 2007, 20:26, closed)