Handy tooth
Handy
Chris was a bit lary in college (Brighton Poly, late 80s) and would sometimes get into fights. One night Jacqui and me had managed to get home ok from the boozer/nightclub and were sitting around smoking weed and talking bollocks, as you do, when Chris stumbled in, clearly three sheets to the wind.
He'd continued to get even more tanked up on snakebite & black, and managed to pick a fight with someone far harder than he was (or at least, more sober). His right hand was swollen and red where the mammoth haymaker he'd launched had missed its target and clumped right into a wall. And his left eyebrow was grown to a size that would have impressed all the Neanderthal girls where his would-be target has fetched him a good 'un in reply.
Dr Shiny to the rescue!! Well, ok, not exactly a doctor, but a year one pass in BSc Pharmacy's gotta count for something, right? *hic*
So I cradle his damaged hand in mine, and ask if he can move his fingers. Barely perceptible millimetres of movement ensue so, just to be thorough, I grab hold of a finger before his drink-dulled reflexes can pull his hand away, and start bending and flexing it.
"Does this hurt, Chris?"
"Ow. A bit."
"As much as it did before? More? Or less?"
"About the same"
"Aha!" says Dr Shiny. "This means it can't be broken, because if it was you wouldn't be able to move it at all, and if I did it for you it'd hurt much more! You'll be fine, mate! Now, lemme have a look at that face..."
At which point, for some reason, Chris decided he'd come over all tired and wanted to be off to his bed.
the next morning, at breakfast, Chris came into the Halls refectory with his right hand in plaster up to the elbow.

Oops!

Tooth
Signing on with my new dentist in Bristol, I was pleased to find she was a fit brunette. Even more pleasing, she reckoned she knew why I kept getting toothache in the one place (right upper premolar) and, with a quick bit of root canal surgery, she'd be able to see me right.
I should have known it would be trouble when the anaesthetic injections proved about as effective as a homeopath's stash. She's digging around in my jawbone with what looks like a miniature bottle brush, while I'm in a flop sweat gripping the chair like it's made of marshmallow.
After a subsequent week of sleepless nights and more or less constant agony, and fearing the thought of going back to see the same dentist/torturer, I walked into the local offie with grim determination, bought a bottle of scotch, went back to my flat, sought out my pliers, and set about getting pissed enough to pluck up the courage to yank out the jagged shards of agony she'd left sticking out of my gums.
The scotch didn't dull the pain at all. I managed to get a couple of bits out over six or seven attempts, in between reeling round the flat in blind agony. The pliers didn't so much pull out the stumps of tooth as crush the bits that were sticking out of the gum, leaving lots of blood to spurt out all over the landlord's carpet.
After a day or two the pain subsided, but it was another two years before I could face another dentist.
Between the brunette's incompetence and my drunken self-mutilation - oh, and the abscess that she'd completely missed which had been the cause of the pain all along - the tooth was so badly damaged that even the fantastic Nigerian bloke in South Acton that eventually cleaned it up couldn't do much more than take out the remaining bits and allow the abscess to drain.

I've still got a gap there now.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 15:52, 7 replies)

You've saved me having to write my story.
I did exactly the same - Half bottle of cheap and nasty Scotch, pliers and a crushed tooth.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 16:19, closed)

The first story leads me to a clear conclusion...
You are Craig Colclough AICMFP
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 16:58, closed)

Not as far as I know
Who he?
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 17:29, closed)

De-ris
here.

Made me giggle anyway.
(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_ =o.o=, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 17:49, closed)

Ouch!
My first dentist got struck off for being so crap - she wasn't fit so can't be the same one. Also, I've just spent a week with a dry socket caused by an extraction. Annoying little buggers -you could see my jawbone for a week!
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 19:13, closed)

Cripes
You know your in trouble when there is a *crack* that reverberates through your skull and the dentist says "whoops". He was digging bits out for bloody ages.
(Sadarse works like Mist condensing mud flaps, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 18:32, closed)

Ah yes, breaky bone does not equal immobile digits/limbs
I should know. Post ice-skating fall: was still flexing elbow and wiggling fingers merrily for two days (perhaps not that merrily...was a touch sore!) and turned out both my wrist and elbow were fucked to oblivion. D'oh! Still have a coupla screws in the elbow :) Makes me feel very man(girl)ly.
(KeenBean objects to this comma, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 16:22, closed)