Big fat fucking tic
I hate starting stories with 'When I was in Jamaica...'

When I lived in the Caribbean...

I was taking a shower after working in the feilds. I felt a funny lump while washing my leg and, when I checked, found that sticking out of my calf muscle was a big fat fucking tic. Actually it was the back end of a big fat fucking tic as it was buried so deeply into my skin.

I couldn't quite remember if I was supposed to burn it or smear it with vaseline.
I was starting to freak out a little bit and as I didnt have any vaseline, I burned its bum till it started to smell, then prized it out with a pair of tweezers.

It left a neat tic sized whole in my leg.

Job done.
(EvilMeister, Sat 22 Jan 2011, 19:43, 6 replies)

little fuckers, aren't they?
I got quite sick after being bitten by one in the US. I also got bitten by one here in Australia, which turned out to be a paralysis tick. The little bastards takes your blood while pumping in a neurotoxin. Luckily not too many people are sensitive to them, but they kill a lot of pets.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Sat 22 Jan 2011, 21:36, closed)

My mate got one in Austria years ago
and they said it had to be turned anti-clockwide or the head would stay in and it's would be an infected mess.

Saw loads on dogs and goats in Africa. Bright light blue things from the size of a pin head up to a 50p piece size. Nasty horrible bloodsucking scummers.
(Wagane, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 1:01, closed)

ah yes
The old "turn it clockwise/anticlockwise" tip. Trouble is, nobody seeks to be able to agree on which direction. The design of tick mouth parts means that a straight out pull is generally the best.
Don't try vaseline, lit cigarettes, tweezers etc. as all of those may result in the tick regurgitating its bacteria ridden stomach contents into your bloodstream. A great method I discovered recently is to get a length of thread or dental floss, make a single loop in front of the tick's head and pull gently. That way you should get the whole lot out.
( SteamedCleaner, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 3:16, closed)

See the annoying thing is...
I'd read up on this before heading out there, but sitting on my bed I couldnt for the life of me remember anything.

Anyway, it all came out in one lump and no infection.

Now, even in England I give myself a thorough checking over if I've been anywhere near cows etc.
(EvilMeister, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:34, closed)

i got one in my shoulder a couple of years back. possibly the most freaked out i've ever been when i found out it wasn't threads from my jumper in a cut, but a load of sodding legs.

stood in front of bathroom mirror, jabbed about with tweezers, got the whole thing out, crushed the little fucker and didn't sleep properly for days.
(Alphabet Soap boshboshboshbosh, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:44, closed)

further to my story
the answer is meths. rubbing it all over your body after walking in grass where you are likely to pick up ticks will get rid of them. Funny - the smell of meths always makes me think of holidays :)
(MostlySunny, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 12:53, closed)