I never liked being on call
too many times it was far too stressful, so I took a bit more of a laid back approach. It was about 1AM and I was sound asleep (I go to bed early). Phone rings and I'm faced with:
"You're going to find this really funny"
To which I replied in an absolutely deadpan tone:
"No I'm not"
My wife, who was awake as well (phones have a habit of disturbing the whole house), burst into laughter. She has heard me deal with more than a few clients and been party to some quite difficult conversations, but this was one of the few times where I appeared to have actually turned human for a few moments.
To put it in context, the call was actually about a hamster with a prolapsed eyeball and to give some added irony the caller was a policeman who had just come off shift and gone home to find the hamster in said state. I fixed it in any case.
It still beats the worst ever opening line to a call which is: "What it is riiiighht...."; from which I can deduce that the caller has no money or intention of paying. That's why I've outsourced my out-of-hours work and have not taken such a call in over 2 years.
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Sun 19 May 2013, 16:48, 22 replies)

Lol James Herriot

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 19 May 2013, 17:33, closed)

GPs took the same approach,
and now A&E departments are overwhelmed. It never occurred to me to blame this on veterinarians, but I will now.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 19 May 2013, 18:18, closed)

at least my OOH service is still paid for
regardless of whether I provide it or someone else does, but when youre looking at £100,000 to provide such a service for a small practice, you have to think about how that might come back... with a little bit of profit on the top. If I could get rid of my OOH people I would... I pay £10K a year for them and the clients pay dear as well. Its fine for NHS types to twine on but they dont actually see costs and doctors are far better remunerated than I am...
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Sun 19 May 2013, 22:00, closed)

Dentists are even better paid.
We should reserve our ire for them.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 19 May 2013, 22:09, closed)

My illusion is that..
Dentists clear about £70K a year before tax but that doctors (GPs) mostly get in the region of £100 to £120K
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Sun 19 May 2013, 22:14, closed)

From prospects.ac.uk
Most dentists are self-employed contractors, mixing NHS with private work, and earn between £50,000 and £110,000 annually, while wholly private dentists can earn £140,000+.
( Ghoti Fingers, Mon 20 May 2013, 7:27, closed)

I simply observed the cars they drive.
Dentists tend to have a Porsche, doctors just drive sensible, boring cars.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 20 May 2013, 8:50, closed)

I have a Vauxhall Astra....

(gearanach #wankwankwank, Mon 20 May 2013, 22:19, closed)

Doctors fear death
hence the obsession with medicine and lack of vehicular pizazz. Dentists embrace it, hence the sports cars and high suicide rate
(unclestinky, Tue 21 May 2013, 17:10, closed)

It depends
I understand that partner GPs get wodges of cash while those employed under contract get a lot less. Why the hell the NHS deals with practices is beyond me.
(ubergeekian, Mon 20 May 2013, 23:05, closed)

What sort of nancyboy fixes little animals? That's for girls.
You need to get your arm up a cow, you perfumed ponce.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 19 May 2013, 19:26, closed)

Its true
I dont mess about with cows anymore and I think that, probably, my life has been less enriched ever since. I certainly dont smell of cowshit any more.
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Sun 19 May 2013, 21:56, closed)

I don't fancy you any more.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 20 May 2013, 7:59, closed)

Im kind of hoping that you never did.

(gearanach #wankwankwank, Mon 20 May 2013, 22:22, closed)

It's impossible not to fancy a bloke up to his shoulder in a cow's pipes.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 20 May 2013, 22:51, closed)

Cow fisting must be one of the best ever job perks.

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Mon 20 May 2013, 11:43, closed)

Top hole!

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 20 May 2013, 12:12, closed)

Pig fisting is just as good
and you don't need a ladder if you're a bit on the short side.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Mon 20 May 2013, 19:22, closed)

Its better than fingering a dog's anus
I wonder just how many species I've violated the backside of? I'm off to have a think about that.
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Mon 20 May 2013, 22:21, closed)

Nothing beats it
on a cold winters day.. Horse fisting is risky though (for the horse), and I've a really great story about that one (really?)
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Mon 20 May 2013, 22:22, closed)

Come on, I've been in suspenders for 2 days, spill the beans...or seed...or whatever.

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Wed 22 May 2013, 19:19, closed)

only if
the QOTW develops a "Royal" thread, and then It'll have to be told altho its not as funny as the story about a Parker-Bowles household and the tail that got trapped in a door.
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Wed 22 May 2013, 22:14, closed)