Another pea ...
I first posted this in a QOTW surrounding Darwin Awards and was rounded upon by non-believers. Let me post the tale again and let me again assure you of its veracity.

Motorway madness
Whenever I don't win the lottery I always console myself with having used up a massive chunk of my life's allocated luck all in one go.

I was driving back to Edinburgh on the M8 one afternoon. As it was my boss's car I was obviously making good progress ... to the tune of maybe 120 - 125mph. In the distance I spotted a BMW sitting in the outside lane but despite the inside lane being empty it showed no sign of pulling in. As I fast approached I flashed it a couple of times but to no avail, there it sat.

Never mind I thought, I'm not slowing down, I'll take it in the inside. As I flew past I looked over to eyeball the driver. There she sat in her own wee world, completely oblivious to anything going on round about her. Needless to say I quickly tried to catch her eye with various manual gestures of a less than polite nature.

Of course rule number one is never take your eyes of the road when driving, shall we say, so enthusiastically and I was just about to find out why. When I looked back the traffic in front had ground to a halt in the approach to the Newbridge roundabout and here's me careering toward the stationary queue at well, well into triple figures.

Cue extreme braking and snaking all over both carriageways. I managed to scrub of some speed down to about 90 but it was obvious there was no way on God's green earth I was going to stop in time and the way I had fishtailed about the road precluded me from taking the hard shoulder option so I bounced and clattered right across the central reservation and on down the wrong side of the motorway.

Fortunately, and here's where my luck came in, there was nothing whatsoever coming in the opposite direction as I passed the long queue to my left. Eventually after about 2 or 3 hundred yards I had slowed enough to dart back across and take up a space very briefly vacated as a car pulled away from in front of a coach.

About a year later the highways agency took it upon themselves to erect Armco barriers right down full length of the central reservation. Lucky it hadn't been in place at the time. If it had I probably wouldn't be typing this.
( Ramsay Tupper, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 13:23, 7 replies)

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 13:39, closed)

Well, if you're not a liar,
you're a cunt
( The Coast Of Yemen, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 13:52, closed)

Couldn't agree more
Veracity is pretty much irrelevant given the deliberate actions that you're claiming. Learn to drive.
(snopesthetruth, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 14:01, closed)

Ach, if this was pre Armco
most people drove like nutters. Or at least speeding certainly wasn't considered as anti-social as it is now. Same deal with drink-driving, seat-belt wearing etc. I used to drive like a twat when I was a teenager. Now I'm a family man and I spend half my time tutting at 'idiots on the road'.

It was a good and apt story, I reckons.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 14:24, closed)

Ah, that's alright then....
....provided it was acceptable at some point! Shame you didn't mow down any gays or coons!
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Thu 19 Aug 2010, 17:33, closed)

yep
If you had been killed (or let's be kind, injured) the roads would have become just that little bit safer for the rest of us.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 14:20, closed)

Speed
Yesterday I did the journey from London to a little NW town averaging at around 70-75mph on the motorway and 45-50mph on the A-Roads. I had my family in the car and seven years driving experience. I have the most powerful car I have ever owned but I am also driving it like the slowest!

Rewind seven years ago when I had just passed my test and I got an Astra Turbo Diesel. I was doing a Masters degree at Lancaster University and lived in Heysham. Now anyone who knows Lancaster's one way system will know it is quicker to go via a 14-mile detour via Halton, Caton and half-a-dozen other hamlets than to go via Lancaster - which I did daily. At around 90-100mph. In rain I would moderate that to around 70mph and in snow/ice around 50mph. I remember one particular day getting to some crossroads, braking and the car sliding without even slowing down, missing a passing car by inches.
That wasn't the only occasion I nearly killed myself...but over the twelve months, I didnt.

And having driven like an irresponsible cock for twelve months and nearly killing myself (but not quite doing so), I learnt how not do drive.

And somewhat perversely, I am a better driver now for it.
(jdharding, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 22:46, closed)