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This is a question Expensive Weekends

Chthonic says he's still reeling from a trip to a wedding that cost him nearly £600; while a friend of ours hazily presented his credit card to the bar staff in a shady club in the Baltic states. You know how that one ended.

(, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:03)
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Don't play with drugs!
This is a pretty long story so bear with me!

Do any of you remember back a few years there was a major fucking weed drought? Like seriously nobody had anything. It was as dry as your grandma's cunt out there. Anyway one Friday I get a call from this girl I know, she’s got a tonne of the stuff only she's shit scared of offloading it herself so she's asking me to sell it. Well I wasn’t going to go through all that hassle for no reward so I told her I wasn't going to be the silent partner, I would take a little bit and sell it to my close friends. She was cool with that. We did a deal 10%, free weed for me, as long as I was selling her shit. Anyway next thing I know she's got a buyer lined up for Saturday for the bulk of the weed, she had a whole brick of the stuff wrapped up in black plastic and she didn't want to go alone so muggins her gets roped in. Some shit about her brother usually does it but he's in jail because like a cunt he hasn’t paid his parking fines.

Anyway next thing I know there I am sitting at the train station waiting for this bloke who I don’t even know to come along and take this weed off my hands and he's late. And I need a piss. Do I go for a slash and risk missing this guy? I wait it out a bit longer but eventually I can’t wait any more so I grab the bag with the weed and head for the gents.

Now we all know that train station pissers are fucking disgusting and that you're liable to give yourself some fucking disease just by breathing the air, I was expecting it to be covered in filth, and it was four fucking boys in blue and a massive great big dog. OH FUCK. My brain is going a mile a minute, are they there for me? Do they know what is in the bag? Should I just fucking leg it? This is the worst weekend ever I’m going be in jail for the rest of my fucking life!

Anyway nobody says anything, though the dog is barking like a lunatic, so using every once of self restraint I manage to stroll over to the urinal, have a wazz, wash my hands and get the fuck out of there without shitting myself, but that it the true definition of a brown trousers moment and how I narrowly escaped the most expensive weekend of my life.

Strangely a few weeks later I did actually have the most expensive weekend of my life when I was shot dead following a bungled burglery.

Length? I don’t know what is the maximum term for possession with intent to supply?

Mr Orange.
(, Thu 13 May 2010, 16:39, 14 replies)
This is absolutely the best of its type I have ever seen.
Have three clicks and a blowjob every weekend for the rest of your life.
(, Thu 13 May 2010, 16:53, closed)
Why thank
you very much. This weekend I shall be in the Eastbourne area, please arrange for my blowjob to be delivered there.
(, Thu 13 May 2010, 16:59, closed)
Okay, I've set it up.
Your blowjob will be available in the toilets at Prince's Park at 11am on Saturday night, ask for 'Jerome'. Wear a pink carnation and an expression of mingled cringing terror and lust.
(, Thu 13 May 2010, 18:57, closed)
Last weekend it
was acceptable, please arrange this weeekend for it to be more sloppy.
(, Thu 20 May 2010, 8:23, closed)
The whole time I was reading I kept thinking "is this a pea?" - didn't realise until far too close to the end.
(, Thu 13 May 2010, 17:09, closed)
Thank you
Mr Tarantino
(, Thu 13 May 2010, 17:51, closed)
I claim the credit
for 'dry as a grandma's cunt'

(unless another b3tan can remember where I stole that from, because I can't)
(, Thu 13 May 2010, 18:37, closed)
I don't usually get these so quickly
but I'd placed it by the second sentence this time. Well done regardless though.
(, Thu 13 May 2010, 17:55, closed)
I tried to use
a mix of my own prose and direct quotation to prolong the inevitable.
(, Thu 13 May 2010, 18:35, closed)
Nicely done, Im pleased to say the train station gave it away for me.
(, Thu 13 May 2010, 21:05, closed)
Well played, sir.
But is Reservoir Dogs set at the weekend? /Pedantry
(, Fri 14 May 2010, 8:00, closed)
Err yeah
its in the directors commentary...yeah...
(, Fri 14 May 2010, 9:02, closed)
It does occur at the weekend. 'K-Billy's Super Sounds of the 70's weekend' on the radio...
(, Fri 14 May 2010, 9:51, closed)
have a click.
(, Fri 14 May 2010, 14:33, closed)

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