The Other Tale Of Kaol And The Locusts
In no way related to www.b3ta.com/questions/publictransport/post166916
Apart from the locusts as a major plot device.

As a Zoologist, I frequently wonder what animals taste like. I assume that's something that we all do.
I really hope so at least.

This frequently leads me to order "odd things" on menus when I've been in various countries, including aligator, bear, sea cucumber and live baby eels.

Anyway, I keep lizards, and feed them live locusts.
The Mind Of Kaol^TM came up with the fantastic idea of trying one, raw. I mean, the lizard can eat it, so surely I can...

So, here follows a step-by-step guide to eating a locust.

1) Select your locust. It should be wingless, as bright yellow as possible, and lively. Do not accept inferior specimens.

2) Grab the locust firmly by the head, with clean forceps. Take a clean mounted needle (a metal spike with a handle), and stab it through the brain, killing your chosen locust instantly.

3) Take a clean scalpel blade, and cut around the "neck" of the locust. With a bit of skill, you'll then be able to pull the head off, and the entire digestive tract will remain attached to it, leaving you with a locust body that isn't full of shit faecal matter.

4) Remove the legs. You can do this by pulling them off, or cutting them away with the scalpel.

5) Dip the prepared locust into vodka to give it a semblance of sterility. Dry with kitchen paper.

6) Insert into mouth, chewing slowly.

For the record, it was flacid, creamy inside, very bitter and waxy on the outside. Absolutely disgusting.
( Cawl, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 14:26, 12 replies)

Yuck!
But funny.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 24 Jul 2008, 14:29, closed)

interesting
'For the record, it was flacid, creamy inside, very bitter and waxy on the outside. Absolutely disgusting'

very similar to my suck your own dick findings (see below)
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 14:34, closed)

That is not a pointless experiment though
insofar as it has saved me from doing it!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 14:40, closed)

I'm so glad you posted this.
Now you have a non-knife based reputation too.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 14:54, closed)

What do you mean by that MM?
*confused*
( Cawl, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 14:55, closed)

Well
Instead of "watch out, Kaol might come round with his knives", people will now go "watch out, that locust faced Kaol might be around".
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 15:05, closed)

Oh ok
That's fine.

I seem to remember telling you this story at the last Bash, actually.
( Cawl, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 15:07, closed)

Yes you did.
The one that you brought live locusts to.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 15:27, closed)

Francis Trevelyan Buckland
You seem to be a man after his own heart (as it were). As Wikipedia has it, "Buckland was a pioneer of zoöphagy: his favourite research was eating the animal kingdom".

Tremendous fellow, indeed.
( Ghoti Fingers, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 15:55, closed)

I'm not a zoologist, but
I often find myself wondering what animals at the zoo would taste like.
(evil_penguin_17 Robots of Doom... Attack!, Sun 27 Jul 2008, 0:50, closed)

You obviously didn't have this to hand then..
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/4032143.stm
(Hikikomori** watching cartoons on, Sun 27 Jul 2008, 17:35, closed)