Tricked out sardine, crying child, upset old lady.
I had the 'pleasure' of spending the last 7 years of my life working for the wonderful establishment of Tesco. Most of which was on the counters, as lowly assistant and eventually as manager.

Being stuck in a dead-end job with an
over-active imagination can help one come up with many fascinating, yet pointless experiments.

One such resulted in a small child almost being blinded and some poor innocent old dear being yelled at, whilst the guilty party (yours truly) got away scot-free!

My experiment was to see how many people I could trick into thinking the fish on the fish counter were still alive.

I ran a wire underneath the ice, attaching one end to my foot and one to a sardine.

Wiggling my foot whilst serving customers gave the impression the fish was not dead yet, and flipping about trying to escape it's morbid situation.

Most people stared for a few seconds before shaking their head and wandering off. One old dear got upset and tried to find a bucket of water to save the sardine.

But then my innocent little experiment took a turn for the worse.

Que 'Timmy', an inquisitive little 6 year old with a love for fish. He loved coming to the supermarket to marvel at the colourful motionless little critters on the ice. Suddenly, one of them started to violently flip out, making its way rapidly toward him across the counter.



He fled, terrified.



Face first into a basket held by a passing old dear.



It would not have been so bad but his eye made contact with the corner of said basket, letting out a (satisfying!) squelch! Choas erupts, as Timmy's mother yells at the old lady for carelessly gouging little Timmys eye. She then turns her anger onto little Timmy, whacking him around his already sore head for being so stupid as to lie to her and tell her the (now motionless) fish were alive and trying to get him.His screams could be heard from the carpark.

In the background, Roddimus slowly exits stage left, trying not to die of laughter.

I may not have finished my experiment, but at least I could take delight in ruining 3 people's day! Oops!

Pop! First post after 5 years lurking!

Length, etc.
(Roddimus_Prime Should be revising, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 14:52, 6 replies)

You absolute bastard.
That is all.
(Rotten_Cointreau is a proper scientician, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 15:01, closed)

Erm...
This 'tale' sounds likes its probably outside the realms of possibility.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 15:02, closed)

Thats pretty funny.
Tho slightly cruel, though obviously you never intended on gouging some kids eye out.
You lurked for 5 years without posting? wow :)
(Miggyman, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 15:07, closed)

I promise you, true
In 7 years of mind numbing boredom, the occasional 'extreme' thing was bound to happen!

I did feel like an utter bastard after, but i never meant harm! I blame the sardine. Damn their Omega 3 filled hides!

As for the lurking - I used to be chronically lazy - hence the 7 years as Tesco! Now happily a trainee QS, life is good!
(Roddimus_Prime Should be revising, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 15:15, closed)

That's funny
Gets a 'click' from me.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 15:44, closed)

You utter rotter!
Click

More please :)
( RadG Drinking Mojitos in the sun, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 16:16, closed)