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This is a question Faking it

Rakky writes, "We've all done it. From qualifications to orgasms, everyone likes to play 'let's pretend' once in a while."

So when have you faked it? Did you get away with it? Or were your mendacious ways exposed?

(, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 15:16)
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Not really in tune with the "faking it" bit but still
An old joke (i think) could be real i haven't a clue:

An elderly English gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris in the Cheesefilled Froglands of northwest europe by plane.

At the immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

"Yoo 'ave been to France befor', monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.

"Aye that I have" replied the old man.

"Zen you should know well enuf to 'ave your passpor' ready eef yoo cum* to zis cuntry**."

The English gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Sacrebleu zutalors and other froggy obscenities!" said the slimeball, "All Englishmen 'ave to show their passports en arrival in France!"

The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.

Then he quietly explained.

"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Sword beach on in June 1944, and I couldn't find any fucking Frenchmen to show it to"


Click "I like this" if you carry a slight racism towards the french
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 15:08, 26 replies)
I've never understood
this slight racism towards the French.

At the risk of opening the proverbial can of worms... pourquoi?
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 15:13, closed)
close neighbours = best enemies
I have to say, I've become increasingly keen on the french because they know how to protest, and because they aren't british
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 15:14, closed)
*Agrees with Vipros*
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 15:15, closed)
I love France
but for a nation so adept at pleasure, they are world champion moaners.
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 15:21, closed)
Having just finished a very concise history book of Britian.
I think it may stem from the fact that many moons ago we had a french king who ruled over us for a while.

And they eat snails - Yuk!
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 15:24, closed)
Snails taste good!
Drowning in garlic butter. Yummy! Frogs legs are yuk though.
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 15:26, closed)
I work with lots of French types
And find them to be a bunch of bureaucratic cheese eating... a pleasant and humorous bunch.

Not all together keen on the food, but the champagne's great.
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 15:30, closed)
French rivalry
It's most likely because we were at near-constant war with them from 1066 to 1815.
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 15:31, closed)
I've nothing against the French
I've spent some great holidays in their country, and provided I made it clear I was Scottish and not English, I was treated very well.

They make shit cars though.

*frowns à la Kaol*
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 15:33, closed)
I love the French
As nations we both rant and rave at any opportunity, but herein lies the difference. When (objectionable thing) comes to pass, we just complain about it a bit more. The French go and set fire to cars, and actually try to do something about it.
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 15:35, closed)
I've found that being English doesn't really matter either, TBH.

They take the piss out of our sporting 'prowess', but that's fair enough; we're shit at sports.
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 15:38, closed)
I'm afraid the only slight 'racism' I have...
...is to those asking for Clicks.

And I lurrrrve the French [see previous posts for details]
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 15:42, closed)
Er, MM
Can I just mention one thing you have overlooked...

The war.
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 15:45, closed)
don't mention the war
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 15:45, closed)
As an American
I've had little contact with the French personally, but what little I've had has been rather mixed- some have been quite pleasant, others have been twats of the first order.

But then I could say the same for Germans as well. *shrug*

I recall a study* that some people did at a university a while back that concluded that Europeans from any given country see their neighbors in a bad light- usually described as "short dark and dirty".

I think it's because Europeans live so close to one another, yet have historically kept to themselves, making all kinds of weird little pockets of inbreeding (real or perceived) that results in them all hating each other.

I'm just glad I'm over here, and the closest foreign neighbors we have seem to be reasonable.

*taking them out individually to a bar and getting them hammered, then asking them about other nationalities
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 15:51, closed)
And that, TRL
is the reason why a United States of Europe would never work, despite the politicians' best efforts. The USA started with an essentially blank canvas, (Native Americans/Red Indians/First Nations/whatever the hell the latest term is notwithstanding) but Europe has been comprised of many individual nations knocking the shit out of each other for centuries.

And they still are. Look at the Balkans conflict. That was only 10 years ago or so.
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 15:55, closed)
Not too keen on the french myself.
Met some nice ones, met some twunks. I dont like the accent, especially when guys talk it. They all sound like a big bunch of poofters.
Id prefer to take a huuge jump over the froggy area and land in Spain personally :)
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 15:57, closed)
I am scoobied by this sentence, "I think it's because Europeans live so close to one another, yet have historically kept to themselves, making all kinds of weird little pockets of inbreeding (real or perceived) that results in them all hating each other."

Europeans had been stealing bits of each others countries and forming capricious alliances with their neighbours until they came up with the EEC (EU).
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 15:58, closed)
I don't really believe in the inbreeding bit myself
but it seem to make sense that this is why they hate each other- they perceive their neighbors as having a certain set of repellent characteristics that they themselves lack, but the neighbors think that the repellent characteristics belong to the first group.

It's all very confusing to me, really. I can't tell the difference at a glance between a Belgian, a French person or a Dutch person. Greeks and Italians look similar to me. Spanish look a lot like them as well to my eyes. Iranians could blend into that crowd as well. All of them have different habits than I do. Yet each of these groups would set themselves apart from the others on some basis or another, and consider me a dolt for not seeing the obvious.

It makes my head hurt.
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 16:08, closed)
Yes, it's certainly confusing but if you really want the brain pain, try spending time with the Swiss.
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 16:09, closed)
I'll trade the Swiss
for the people of North Carolina or Texas.

And we won't even mention NYC or Florida.
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 16:14, closed)
The French
Have been known to march unpopular leaders to the guillotine at the point of a pitchfork.

We meanwhile, bitch, moan and bluster before voting the spectacularly inept cunts in for a third term in office.

Sorry, but the French have plenty to teach us.

*edit* Bugger
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 16:17, closed)
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 16:30, closed)
I was in France this weekend, it amazed me just how rude they felt they could become when they realised you were english.

One insulted our entire party to his friend, without realising 3 of the 4 of us spoke fluent french, and decided to hurl abuse back at the spanner.

(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 16:52, closed)
Oooh, the french

Ok, where to start?

Yes, we share common ancestry (Norman) with some parts of France, but remember that France as we know it is not really older than about 500 years (until that point you still had different languages: Occitan, Breton, etc), so whilst Richard the Lionheart was Breton, there was more bad blood between the rival states of "France" than you might imagine - that's without getting into the Catholic/Protestant thing, or the parts of the country that wanted to move the popehood from Rome to Paris, etc.

Also, France haven't won a battle since Napoleon was forced from the Spanish Peninsular, yet have a habit of strutting round the world like they own the place. This gets up the nose of the average Brit whose grandad can remember marching down the Champs Elysee in '44. Oh, and let's not forget that the French "Resistance" was vastly outnumbered by the Collaborators. Yes, lots of slappers had shaved heads after Fritz was sent packing, but most of that finger pointing was done to assuage the guilt of those doing the accusing.

Who decided that the French were stylish? The French of course! Smoke a Gaulouise, drive a crpapy citroen badly and be miserable over here and you're a wanker, but in Paris? Ah, C'est Formidable! Suddenly, you're a gallic style icon. Throw in a black polo neck and you're up there with Jesus himself! Let's look at it objectively - all the nice old buildings have been left to rot, but the peasants living in them call it "shabby chic" or "rustic" and pretentious wankers believe it. Paris smells of dog crap, too - no joke. In fact, everything in France that is vaguely impressive is at least 200 years old. And, in the case of the Eiffel Tower and the Milau bridge, designed by the English.

We English might lose at sport a lot, but we do it with grace - you don't see Henman screaming and headbutting people. The French are not only bad losers (see Zidane's glasgow kiss for evidence), but also highly arrogant winners. There is no grace or acknowledgement of the other team/opponent. If they are losing they point the finger and argue, if they win, it's because they are marvellous.

They bang on about the invasion of US and English films and music and enforce quotas by law so that French "culture" can be seen as equal or superior in the French market. The reason French kids want to listen to US and English music is because the French stuff is shit - not because we are trying to invade your culture, you garlic-munching surrender monkeys! You get the Beatles, the Stones, Rock n Roll, Hip Hop, and god knows what else. What do you give back? Jean Michel Jarre and a whole raft of sub-Eurotrash technopop. Oh, and Vanessa bloody Paradis. Who, whilst being eminently shaggable, is plainly tone-deaf.

Let's face it, the only reason there are tree lined roads in France is so that the German Army don't get sunburned. Gah.

God that feels better. lol
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 17:01, closed)
'tis all a lie
Aside from the history parts, which are true..

I don't really hate the French, or anyone else for that matter, it's just I have a French colleague who is an utter cunt and he's just buggered off an hour early without telling anyone and I'm going to be working until 10pm to clear up the disaster he's left. fucking twatshine...grrr
(, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 17:08, closed)

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