Plumbers and pigs
So it's my mate's posh new girlfriend's 21st birthday. She'd already met a couple of us and though thinking a few of us we're a bit fuckwitted, she invited she invited us all as well so that we could all rejoice in their new-found love.

Of course to make it a night to remember she decided that everyone would have to dress up as cartoon characters. Amazingly enough everyone obliged.

Initially I was going to go team up with my best mate. Me to be Danger Mouse and him as Penfold. However, due to a lack of planning on the day the best I could find was some old man pissed-stained long-johns. Now, funny as this could have been as "geriatric heroes" I was reluctant to wear second-hand soiled garments all evening.

So quickly plans were changed and I became Luigi, sidekick to another mate obviously dressed as Mario whilst the other guy got some leopard skin pants and instantly became Prince Nasseem.

The party started well. Everyone came dressed up and was steadily getting merrier. Then out came the numerous plates of Vodka jelly. Everyone joined in a bit, though it seemed that our group were getting into the mood probably a little more than the rest of the party. Especially, Mario who was treating the plates as though they were gold coins and collecting all that he could.

Anyway, as I said this girl was pretty posh. In fact her parents lived in Maurisus and she barely ever saw them... so low and behold when daddy turns up to make his little girl's day. None of us had seen him before of course but that didn't really excuse "Prince Naseem" warning him off when he went and hugged his daughter.

As you may have guessed everyone was a bit pissed by this point and my mate who was going out with the girl was trying to keep a lid on us. But nobody could now find Mario.

The search wasn't exactly a suspenseful one. We simply followed the trail of vomit to the door where he was slumped outside.

Seemingly being tarnished with the same brush because I was from the same computer game it was left up to me to get him and also Naz to Stockwell (where we were meant to be staying at the birthday girl's)!
Clearly no cab was going to take a pair of dungaree wearing clowns and shivering Asian anywhere. So we traipsed from London Bridge to Stockwell - in the frosty winter night.

So, we're all a little grumpy - especially Mario after wearily being shoved home almost all the way to stop him falling asleep when we finally find the road we need.

Inexplicably the Prince decides that this would be the perfect time to flick Mario's heels and like a felled tree he falls face-first on to the pavement - lacking the reactions to even put out his arm

Being the good mates that we are we of course laugh, but try and get the lump to his feet. Next thing a car pulls up.

It's not a Police car just an ordinary Ford Escort. The guy winds down his window and asks us what we're doing. I explained that we were just getting our mate up and that we were on our way home, absolutely as politely as that. To this the guy snaps "Well fucking get a move on or I'll arrest you all"
"Um, yeah we are just trying to get our mate up... but what would you arrest us for?"
He and a woman now get out of the car, not in any uniform, walk towards us and he says "Right, you're nicked"
I ask for some ID obviously, to which the woman shows me some handcuffs. Call me sceptical, but I wasn't going to get in a car with someone showing me those sorts of credentials and say as much before again querying what we are going to be charged with.
The guy responds with "Drunk and disorderly" to which I tell him that although drunk there was no real disturbance until they turned up threatening us. Naz then chips in that we're practically home and we will make sure that we're quiet until we get there.
The so-called Police agree to this warning me in particular to keep my mouth shut before returning to their car.

We start to walk on as the car turns around before I, in what I can only call my drunken worldly wisdom, decide to pull the wanker sign at them. Car screeches to a halt reverses sharply towards us and out they hop. He's really pissed of now and trying to get at me. The three of us are jockeying backwards and there's quite a lot of noise. People from birthday girl's house start coming out to see what the fuck's going on including our mate and I get dragged inside. At the door however, still with the commotion happening, Mr Policeman jumps up and takes a swing at me (which fortunately missed) and he's pushed back outside and simultaneously me inside.

I now storm into the living room wearing my head off only to see our mate's girlfriend's dad sat on the sofa looking very disapprovingly. Then in stumbles Mario before in walks our half-naked Hindu hombre.

I'm glad to say though that this episode didn't mess things up with my mate and this girl. In fact they got married two years ago... and we were all invited too.
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Wed 18 Jan 2006, 10:22, Reply)