The Shirt & The Fucking Lying Cunt
Bit of a confession...

A few years back I used to live in Leeds, I shared a flat with a girl named Janine. She was a bit on the hairy side, but had incredible tits and once when I was very, very, very drunk I accidentally fucked her (but that's another story).

Anyway, Janine had a thing, a BIG FUCKING THING for Trent Reznor, the industrial metal moody mentalist fucker from Nine Inch Nails.

One time I went to see NIN at the Manchester Apollo. It was fucking boiling in there, and what with the sloped floor it was akin to climbing fucking Snowdon, only while balancing four pints of Carling in my arms, listening to some bloke scream: "I'm gonna fuck you like an animal!". Over and over again.

I was feeling a little shitty because I'd sorted out tickets for myself and a buddy I knew in Manchester, and had left Janine back in Leeds fuming. This was just a couple of days after our drunken shag; she was still probably wiping my cum out of her cuntbox while I was moshing like a fucking parkinsons disease sufferer in a force 10 earthquake.

I felt this weird feeling, a strange, churning in my guts - I think its called... guilt. Either that or the hamburger I'd shoved down my gullet before I went in was a bit Liza Minelli; well and truly past the stage of being edible, even when you're pissed.

So, being a nice bloke, I obtained Janine a trophy. I went back home that night and offered her my prize like the ultimate hunter-gather alpha male.

"Here you go, J. I got this for you," I said as I handed over a dripping, damp, sweat sodden black shirt. There was even a bit of blood on it. "Your man Reznor chucked it into the crowd and I got it for you - even had to punch a girl in the face. But, anyway, there you go..."

And I'm pretty sure she came on the spot. She slept with that grotty, stinky shirt under her pillow for a few weeks. She probably still wanks over it to this day.

The only problem was, it wasn't Mr Trent Reznors shirt.

I found it in the bogs.

In the bin.

Sorry, Janine.
( SpankyHanky, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 9:27, 13 replies)

Hahaha!...

Top tale!

*Clicks*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 21 Apr 2009, 9:32, closed)

Why do I always feel like I need to take a bath after clicking your posts?
.
( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 9:41, closed)

Marvellous !
You really are a shit, but I mean that as a compliment ;)
(Grrrrr Tigers, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 9:47, closed)

Good work
click
(Lizard King, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 9:48, closed)

Your posts
Why don't you fuck off and stop posting you feeble minded little shite..
(Sid, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 10:42, closed)

Feel better now dear?

( chart cat has an itch, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 10:44, closed)

@Chart cat
Read Sid's few previous posts. He's a moron.
( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 10:54, closed)

It seems that this 'Sid' fellow...

Has had a pop at Legless & Frankspencer before.

Spanky, That is some esteemed company mate.

I would take it as a compliment...right up to the point when you tell him to dip a red-hot poker in acid and then insert it into his Hog's eye.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 21 Apr 2009, 11:03, closed)

Agreed.
Esteemed company indeed...

Your last bit gave me a laugh.. red hot poker in the hogs eye five..
(AndyC4m Eject Eject [><], Tue 21 Apr 2009, 11:20, closed)

Waaaaaaahhh!!!!!
"How f**king dare anyone out there make fun of Spanky after all he's been through. He went through wanking, he had two more wanks ... and now he's going through a custody battle. All you people care about is readers and making money off of him!

He's a human. He hasn't performed on stage in years. His post is called The Shirt & The Fucking Lying Cunt for a reason - because all you people want is more, more, more, more, more ... leave him alone. You're lucky he even performed for you bastards. Leave Spanky alone ... please."

[Many Thx to Chris Crocker for Inspiration]
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 15:47, closed)

Yeah, what Sid said
er, I mean good work fella!
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 11:11, closed)

Hahahaha!
Evil but very funny! Clickity Click!
( DUMBLONDE is a rubber lover girl, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 15:47, closed)

Yeah, I agree with
what Sid said.

Im fucking sick of you coming on here, and posting over and over again, thinking you're some sort of anecdotal champion and everybody licking your arse and wah wah wah.



Haha not really, you're proper funny. Who is this Sid cunt anyway?
(You ARE an anecdotal wizard :) )
(TheColonel, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 16:08, closed)