Kelvin
He was a lad I went to school with. Nice enough, if not too bright. He was sparky, a bit of a joker, a decent footballer... naturally, people took the piss a bit at his denser moments, but generally he was well liked.

Unfortunately, though, he was fascinated with dogs' sex bits. His party piece when friends came round his house in his teenage years was to wrist-off the family dog to the point of orgasm, whilst giggling uproariously (but also looking far too excited about the whole thing). Naturally, people found this a bit weird, but it was weird enough to just be funny... it was just Kelv being Kelv, y'know?

Anyway, me and another guy from my year - Dan - who was good mates with Kelvin, both went off to the same Uni, which happened to be Oxford. In the 2nd Year, Kelvin was coming down to visit, and Dan invited me to go out for a drink with the two of them and some of his housemates on the Saturday night. We went out, had many, many beers, and headed back home to Dan's place in Cowley.... as we're walking,we go past a garden which contains a tethered and barking dog....

Well, at the sight of Kelvin beginning to scale the wall, Dan and I both looked at one another with a look of terrified surmise... surely not? Surely he wouldn't? We were 20 years-old now, FFS...

The look on the faces of the pack of rugger buggers Dan lived with went from mild irritation with the delay - as Kelvin pacified the barking with some stroking and whispering - to outright confusion and abhorrence as he then lifted the dog up with his left hand under its belly, and began to skillfully manipulate its angry little tadger with his right.

When we got back to Dan's house, none of the other guys wanted to join us for a final can of lager, surprisingly.

To his eternal credit. Kelvin just said 'Do you reckon they found that weird? Ah well... posh cunts, eh?'
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 17:59, 5 replies)

click
for the laugh. Plus, he's lucky the owner didn't see him, Cowley can be a bit strange sometimes!
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 18:06, closed)

Your school had a kelvin?
sounds cool...
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 18:06, closed)

Used to work in a kids' home
where one of the resident lads had been sent after getting caught sucking off the family dog.

He was generally a pleasant lad, although very thick. Staff warned him repeatedly not to mention this incident to the other kids as his life wouldn't be worth living if he did.

Dunno if he ever did or not, but every time two or more staff were around him after that there'd be mention of 'taking a lead', 'taking the biscuit', being 'dog-tired', etc. Great fun.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 18:31, closed)

Ha!
It's probably good advice not to mention that sort of thing, innit? Poor kid. It's a deviance that people are only going to make jokes about.

It must have taken some real dogged determination for him to get through.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 11:39, closed)

Ironically a very posh cunt,
and ex-pupil of my father's, called Nick Joseph, once sucked off a dog for a wrap of speed. Upon completion he demanded his payment.

'You didn't actually believe I had a wrap, did you?' said the fucking genius who'd suggested it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 13:24, closed)