Barry the Zoophile
Barry had always been a bit of a quirky fellow. Firstly let me tell you about his head, it really was a grotesque affair; weirdly shaped with bumps and lumps coming out from every angle. It was veiny, pale and had a texture similar to that of ET; half leather, half eczema. When Barry walked, his huge head flopped about carefree, like his neck had given up trying to support it. When he spoke it was painful to listen to; a long monotonous drone. And that was him just saying his name. Not only this, he had a habit of hording anything and everything. He’d collect rubbish from around the town and hoard it under his bed, he’d defecate into old lunchboxes and put them in his freezer and towards the end of his life, he started to collect dead animals; cats, squirrels, mice, pretty much anything he sees that hadn’t got a pulse. Despite all this, I considered him a friend - he had a heart of gold and would go out of the way to help someone if they needed it. Yes, he was a bit of a recluse, but he was a great chap.

I found out about his fetish when I borrowed his laptop so I could get on with some coursework. Snooping about, as you do, I found a folder simply called ‘Fun’. I decided to open it. What I saw will stay with me forever; images of Barry violating various animals. There were a couple of pictures of him fisting miniature horses and naked in bed with goats and sheep. There were more pictures of him, naked from the waist down, fellating various breeds of dogs. They looked happy, but you could see it in their eyes how uncomfortable they really were. There were hundreds of images of Barry receiving oral sex from birds. In one, what looked like a duck, had its beak stuffed so full with Barry’s swollen member, his eyes were beginning pop out. In another picture, Barry was bent over with a live kipper dangling from his puckered anus, whilst he sodomised a squirrel. It had its bushy tail tied upwards with a ribbon, the other end of which was attached to the ceiling. I’ll never forget the confused look in the squirrels face.

I felt sick but felt I had to look on. The next pictures I found were of Barry masturbating furiously over two chickens whilst smaller birds, possibly starlings, ate bird seed from the dents in Barry’s head. Barry had his tongue out, obviously enjoying this moment. There were more. One looked as though it was taken around Christmas time as there were decorations up. A badger was lay spread-eagled on the mould ridden floor, a mop protruding from its rear end. Barry was kissing it on the head,stroking it with one hand,taking the photo with his other outstretched arm. I started to look at pictures of Barry cuddling up to a tortoise when suddenly a thought hit me. Had Barry been violating and then killing these animals? It would certainly explain the array of corpses in his house.

Gathering my thoughts I went to the police station and handed in the laptop. The next couple of days were quite traumatic to say the least. I had to give evidence against Barry and the local town found out what he had been up to. Phrases such as ‘Obese Headed Dog Fiddler’ and ‘Freaky, Mental Animal Sucker’ were daubed in graffiti onto Barry’s house.

It was really hard giving evidence against someone who had been my mate. What made it easier was when Barry tried to blame me for the images on his computer, not realising that in was indeed him in the photos! I hope all the animals that died rest in peace, especially the miniature horse with the dreadlocks; I cannot ever imagine how he must have felt.

Barry tried to hang himself twice after his arrest, but on both attempts, his head proved too heavy and the noose snapped. He was eventually put out of his misery; stabbed in the throat by a nonce after an argument over lunch duties on D wing.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:30, 5 replies)

Fantastically written...

Sometimes one click does not seem to do posts like this justice.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:42, closed)

I misread
The title and read this whole post thinking Barry was a zombie.
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 12:47, closed)

Superb, mate!
And I gotta admit I'm more than a little aroused after reading this...
( SpankyHanky, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 13:19, closed)

Horny

(Waspard has your wank bank account details, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 14:01, closed)

Zoophilia
Shagging a bird takes on a completely new meaning after reading this - have to take my hat off to ye mate; ye should be a book writer!
(LazyScumbag, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 19:33, closed)