I was in a restaurant last week
and I happened to mention what is the worst film of all time. Not what is the worst film in the world "in my opinion", it just is the worst film in the world. This is going to be rambling and incoherent (like the film in question) so feel free to ignore.

The waiter overheard me and as always happens when I state my opinion on this film I ended up having to explain myself seeing as it was one of his favourite films. In fact, I've already seen some b3tans remark that it's the best film ever. OK, I concede that, ultimately, anything that can be loosely described as 'art' comes down to a question of personal taste. But then again some people are just idiots.

The film in question is one to be avoided at all costs. I'll now describe why so that if you disagree with me you can at least see *why* I feel the way I do.

First and foremost, a film should be entertaining. That's the reason for sitting still and watching a screen for 2 hours, you want to be entertained. A film can do this in many ways. It can be visually beautiful or it can be brutally graphic. It can invoke many wonderful and/or painful emotions. Mostly this is achieved by gluing together many different scenes via a central plot or storyline. This is by no means the only way to make an entertaining film but stray too far away from having a story or something that the viewer can understand just means you're looking at random moving pictures and sounds.

Which brings me to the criteria I use to define how bad a film is. Once a film has stopped being entertaining the only thing that can save it for me is if it wraps itself up quickly. If, once it's descended into random meaninglessness, the film refuses to end I just get more frustrated and angry. I start to fantasise about hurting the director and writer.

So the worst film in the world is one which makes no sense and goes on forever (although I'm started to fear that this post is doing the same).

The fact that the film in question is long is indisputable. That it's meaningless is up for a bit of debate but not much. It's a very pretty film and atmospheric too but the plot lines are too disparate to warrant being joined together and called a film. I suspect that most - though not necessarily all - people who love this film understand exactly what's going on simply because they've either read the book it's based on or had someone explain it to them. If either of those things needs to be done then the film has failed to tell the story itself. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating simple films that spoon feed tired stories (did I mention my favourite film is The Big Lebowski?) but if the film can't explain what it's about without knowledge from elsewhere it has failed as a film.

I watched the film in question knowing it was a classic and I was suitably awe-struck by the setup and early part of the story. But it just became boring and didn't give any clue as to what was going on or why. I continued watching completely bored off my nut hoping that, like for instance with The Wicker Man, all the craziness would be explained at the end and I'd be left with a spine-tingling chill.

No, it just becomes weird and ends. And I've lost nearly 3 hours of my life. Have a guess as to what the worst film in the world is ever. The answer's in the reply.
( djtrialprice, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 17:42, 11 replies)

2001: A Space Odyssey

( djtrialprice, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 17:43, closed)

Dude.
Unfortunately your opinion differs from mine.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 17:46, closed)

OOOOOOOOOOOH!
I must say, I do really like the film in question, but I fully understand your point.

88 mins of film (over half!) has no dialogue whatsoever. Now I enjoy a dramatic, tone-setting silence (many sections of the good, the bad and the ugly spring to mind), but sometimes enough is enough!
As an AI researcher, I realise the amount of work seeing HAL play chess has spurred (culminating in Kasparov's defeat), but it also blocked many interesting AI avenues in the process I feel.

(These are my only gripes against what is a fantastically crafted, terrifying and somewhat psychedelic experience)

I sense that your comment shall feel the wrath of a few people but I respect your opinion (and may fear for your safety) ;).
(Lythium deals in lead, my friend., Thu 17 Jul 2008, 17:49, closed)

I guessed
Naked Lunch.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 18:01, closed)

^^
yeah Naked Lunch was very bad. Aimed for surrealism, hit, dull and making no sense.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 18:03, closed)

You can never convince someone their opinion about a film is wrong
Everyone is entitled to their opinion - no matter how wrong they are ;-)

Nothing I can say will make you like the movie - I know nothing could make me like the Shawank Redemption (see what an amazing pun I did there?!?!). But I'd like to explain something to you about the film.

You're supposed to feel bewildered, angry, bored, frustrated and annoyed by the random pretentiousness of it all.

Y'see, most films take place over the events of a few days. Some films take place over a few years. A very select few take place over a couple of generations (the Godfather).

This film takes places over millions of years. The time between the apes and the men on the moon is the same as the time between the men on the moon and the end.

You feel the same way about the second half of the movie as the apes feel about the first half. It's incomprehensible gobbeldygook with no reference to reality.

I'm not saying you're as thick as a damn dirty ape - just that the story intends for you to feel that way.

It's also a sci fi tale without laser guns and nubile princesses - which may also explain it....
(terryeden, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 18:26, closed)

Isn't the worst film ever supposed to be Plan 9 from Outer Space?

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Thu 17 Jul 2008, 18:31, closed)

Nah
It's utter bollocks. I've tried, really I've tried, and it does absolutely nothing for me. It's like getting a two for one helping of interminable dull-ness, wrapped up in a dirty dishcloth. With holes in.

But that's merely my opinion.

*Edit* Plan 9 From Outer Space, on the other hand, is a masterpiece of woeful cinematography. At least it's funny and entertaining.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 17 Jul 2008, 18:33, closed)

replies
@Lythium - yep, I was fearing for my safety as I hit post but such is my hatred of this film I had to do it. Also, as a former AI researcher myself, I should comment that I hate the film War Games as the ending cracks the code one digit at a time. Completely unrealistic and not in accordance with solving an NP-complete problem.

@terryeden - agreed on the convincing other people thing. It's like religion, all you can do is explain your piece and see if people eventually come round to your way of thinking. If - as you claim - the film is meant to make you frustrated and bored then fair enough it does what it says on the tin. That still doesn't make it an entertaining film which regardless of *how* that's achieved is the important thing. It just makes Stanley Kubrick a bastard of the first water (though I do love The Shining, A Clockwork Orange and Dr. Strangelove or: How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb).

@Davros' Granddad - Yay! Someone else agrees. Mind you, I agreed fully with your Off Topic thing on religion/b3ta. You're still going to burn in hell though.
( djtrialprice, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 18:57, closed)

I guessed
either Donnie Darko or Hidden by Michael Haneke.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 18:57, closed)

Of course I agree
Cos it's shit. It's like anticipating a lovely yummy ice cream, only to find that the cornet is made of shit with a dog turd plonked in it. Garnished with frozen and then grated dog turd 'sprinklings' for good measure.

I really don't like the film. You can tell, can't you?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 17 Jul 2008, 19:07, closed)