sobs
I may have mentioned this before but I own a couple of properties that I let out and have a number of tales that are worth telling this week. I have my fair share of tenants that I have booted out due to them growing weed/ threatening to stab the neighbours etc etc but this weeks QOTW is about filthy places and so I thought that I would share to you the tale of S.

I had invested in a decent little place based in a very picturesque place. The place had a lovely view of the mountains and was located near to a number of rivers and was also a short walk away from the local forest. The place itself was a tip when I bought it but after a bit of work with the house itself and improving the garden walls it looked pretty decent.

As the place was in a decent area the rent was also more costly the only potential tenants I had were all a tad older and either professional types or old geezers that had retired and were trying to spend whatever money they had before shuffling off the mortal coil. The first one to take a keen interest in the place was S. He was a semi retired bloke that was still working despite his age. He loved the place and the location and paid the deposit straight away. I should have been pretty suspicious of a bloke paying me cash in hand straight away but to be honest a few other things were on my mind that day (tenant at another property had just been caught growing drugs in their attic 5 mins before S turned up).

Anywhoo as S was a bit older I thought that I would not be calling round to check up on things like I did with the other lower cost properties with dodgier tenants and would only turn up to the property if there was any problems or if they had not paid. S always made sure I was paid each month so I really had no need to visit him until one morning early March a couple of years later when a concerned neighbour rang me to let me know there was a disturbance coming from my property. I called round the next day to see what was wrong and immediately realised that I should have been keeping track of this place a bit better. Bloody hell.

The front gate, a pretty sturdy thing I had paid a bit of money to install had been totally ripped off its hinges and most of the front wall was also partially knocked down. I realised that this probably wasn’t going to be the end of the damage and headed up to the main property muttering to myself about the cost of a good repair bloke.

Nothing could prepare me for the main building though. The whole place was flooded. I don’t mean none of this namby pamby “oh no a roof has caved in because of the water” kind of flooding I mean a large puddle of water had actually surrounded the place, causing a mini moat effect that had also flooded the nearby pit that S had dug himself during his spare time (Lord knows what the hell he was doing but I mentioned he had to let me know of any building improvements etc so that also pissed me off).

I was angry now as this old bloke had fucked up the lawn, planted a number of trees in the place and ruined a good property. S was gone with no forwarding address and I was left to foot the bill for repairs and removal of the crap he left in his place. The whole thing needed refurbishing from top to bottom and amongst the litter and piles of various animal bones I found several giant rats, these things were hairless and looked pretty fucking scary despite being dead and covered in pieces of fallen tree.

I still haven’t had a chance to get my money back from the old twat and I don’t actually know why I have decided to censor his name throughout this reply as a user of B3ta may take him on as a tenant or may even live wth him now. For any of you that know Saruman or may bump into him tell the old sod that he owes me a shitload in repair and maintenance bills (you should see the cost for disposing of dead orcs these days) .

This post has overrun a bit, sorry for that.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 11:42, 12 replies)

Sadly,
I fell for that hook,line and sinker
(CheatingRabbit, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 11:52, closed)

lovely stuff
you've spelt saruman a bit wrong though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 12:10, closed)

Cheers Vipros
Have just corrected spelling mistake
(mon bison powered by magnets, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 12:14, closed)

you bastard
this is shiny brilliant
(jennymnemonic, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 12:23, closed)

You. Utter. Bastard.
Completely fell for it...
( snee held his breath since, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 13:28, closed)

You absolute bugger!
I totally fell for that :D *clicks*
(John_Bonham's_snare gave you tinnitus on, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 13:45, closed)

Nicely done.
You rotter...
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 13:54, closed)

Bravo
Very well done.
( Funkenschlag still likes dogs more than cats, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:02, closed)

Got you on the second paragraph
Better than your normal efforts though...
( MatJ LOOK, Tue 30 Mar 2010, 0:55, closed)

For fucks sake!
click
(burkyman, Tue 30 Mar 2010, 12:32, closed)

Having read LOTR about 15 bloody times
I still fell for this. Wanker.

Well done.
( venezuelan beaver cheese is mortally afraid of spoons, Tue 30 Mar 2010, 14:16, closed)

Reeled me in like a bloody salmon
ya bugger
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Wed 31 Mar 2010, 17:35, closed)