Thank you
My mum always wanted me to fit in. When I was growing up she was incessantly badgering me to conform to societal norms. If somebody gave me a gift or held a door open for me, that sort of thing, she would always say:

'Now then, Spanky - say 'thank you.'

I was always a polite boy anyway and always said please and thank you, so it used to bug the hell out of me.

So, fast forward a few years. I was nineteen, up in Manchester Uni having a whale of a time. And on one fateful night there a girl (technically a girl although my mates named her Manchild), was kind enough to take me back to her flat and let me have my ten seconds of ecstacy rummaging round inside her guts. Cherry well and truly popped.

Moments after I'd finished, I turned to her and held her hand as tenderly as I could after more Stella than is normaly humanly possible to consume, and I looked her ernestly in the eye and said:

'Thank you.'

And she went fucking mental.

Note to self: Dont thank people for letting you have sex with them, it makes them feel like a prostitue.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 9:27, 21 replies)

"ten seconds of ecstacy rummaging round inside her guts"
wonderful prose, love it :)
( chart cat has an itch, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 9:51, closed)

"ten seconds of ecstacy rummaging round inside her guts"
The most romantic line I've ever heard...
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 10:27, closed)

You, sir
Are beginning to scare me.

You are a similar age to me

You went to the same university as me

You dress like me

You even look a bit like me.

Your mother sounds like mine.

And we share the same politeness gene, because I have made this same, terrible, mistake too.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 11:15, closed)

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
( Cawl, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 11:18, closed)

Now,
I'm not gay or anything. But maybe we should meet up and make sweet manlove? I mean, wouldn't that technically be like having a wank, what with us essentially being the same person? Wear something nice and have a shave... I do hate the feeling of razor burn on my arse crack.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 11:32, closed)

From personal experince
a high five is a worse response
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 13:10, closed)

Ha!
I'll have to try that one... But giving marks out of ten is a definite no no.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 13:33, closed)

Do I know you?
This reminds me of a guy who, seconds after spluffing, said to me,

"Hmm ... Thank you, that was pleasant."

Just pleasant? Err ... Thanks?
(Celerydemon, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 13:48, closed)

Pleasant is ok,
if he'd have said: 'Fuck me, I thought you were a corpse.' That would be bad... The worst one I've ever had is when a girl I was with started crying just after... God, that was awkward...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 13:59, closed)

That is brilliant
still, i went for the alternative approach of throwing my hands up in the air and shouting

"Yes, number 4!".

It wasn't that that killed the mood.

It was my flaccid victory dance afterwards.
(Schumann makes awesome quiches., Mon 19 Jan 2009, 12:02, closed)

I've found that 'You dirty bastard!' is about the highest form of praise
for a man.

Or even, 'You dirty, DIRTY bastard!', although it sounds a little less spontaneous.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 14:47, closed)

*claps*
Well done you sexual deviant, you... I've been called a dirty bastard a few times, usually when I ask a girl to slip her finger up my bum.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 14:50, closed)

Well, y'know, despite my jokey faux-Mexican monicker
I am in fact a female of mature years and experience, and I know all about men's muckiness.

Being called 'filthy' by the bint they've just bedded thrills the grubby little fuckers to bits. Bless.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 20:13, closed)

My faux pas.
After doing the deed, I asked her out of sheer curiosity if she'd actually had a shower that day.

Ouch.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 15:50, closed)

my best was...
'...and i'm spent'

couldnt think of what else to say
(sebmcr, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 17:51, closed)

Worse than saying thank you
is crying!
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 16 Jan 2009, 18:23, closed)

Worse still though
is laughing.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 15:53, closed)

But worse than that
is to ring up a mate and give them a blow by blow critique of what you've just been up to.
( SpankyHanky, Mon 19 Jan 2009, 9:14, closed)

But that's still not as bad
As ringing the mate and giving them a blow-by-blow of what you are up to at the time.
(Richy_T hundreds if not thousands of dollars, Mon 19 Jan 2009, 22:19, closed)

Or having your mates
in the same room giving you advice...
( SpankyHanky, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:02, closed)

Superb
Thats hilarious, i normally shout i win!!
(fase69, Mon 19 Jan 2009, 12:47, closed)