AFTERS
When I used to flat share with my mate Posh John I’d usually end up flirting with the succession of girls he’d bring round to fuck. It was pitiful. Sitting there exchanging flirtatious small talk with this random girl in the living room while John attempted to scrape the remnants of jizz and fanny batter off his sheets from his previous conquest, getting ready to get them all slick with hot human excreations again.

One night I was sat drinking Vimto out the bottle and eating chicken wings, watching some Japanese film on the box where a bloke was fucking a woman and using live shrimp to spice it up a bit. And all the time I could hear Posh John and this latest peice of ass banging away in his room. I was going through a dry spell, I hadn’t been laid in months and was feeling pretty fucking dismal.

I carry on watching the film as the hooting and screaming eminating from John’s room fades. Then after a while this girl, an attractive girl with dark hair cut in a neat little bob and wearing John’s t-shirt pattered into view. She smiled when she saw me.

“Hello again,” she said.

“Hello again,” I said. Feeling icredibly pissed off. She was a nice looking girl. Nice legs. I pretended not to be trying to catch a glimpse of her fur burger as I continuted eating my chicken wings. The girl sat down on the other sofa chair and explained John had passed out. She said she was hungry. I offered her a wing. She accepted.

And then we talked for about fifteen minutes or-so. The usual empty, pointless flirtation. I commented that she was far too good for an ugly fucker like John. I said she was a bit classy. She said she liked my tattoos and asked me what they ‘meant’ (fuck knows, they’re just pretty pictures).

And then she came and sat next to me so she could nick my food easier. And then she was touching my arm.

Ohhhhhh, fuck!!!

And then she said: “We could, you know. Go to your room...”

And miliseconds later I had her on my bed, kissing her, kneading her tits like big mounds of mallable hot dough. I slid my hand down into her panties as she breathed soundlessly and I felt that she was incredibly wet. My fingers wiggled round her sopping cunt lips and I found her clit and gave it the patent pending super-speed three finger rubdown. She writhed and bucked and her pussy shot out a load of sticky liquid. God she was HOT!!!

Then it occured to me.

I stopped, lifted my hand out of her knickers and examined my hand. It was covered, my fingers were webbed together and I had a trail running down my wrist... it was John’s still oven-fresh manfat, slick, globby and hot to the touch and attempting to make my hand pregnant.

“You don’t mind, do you?” said the girl, pulling me back towards her.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” I said.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 12:03, 17 replies)

Just as I
was eating.....Thanks for that :)
(Obi wanker nobi Its not a bug, its an unexpected feature, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 12:12, closed)

Unfinished.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” I said, as I carried on regardless.


Disgusting as ever mate, well played.
(TheColonel, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 12:19, closed)

I knew you'd have to come back on K.W.A
Good 'un
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 19 Feb 2010, 12:36, closed)

I have tuna mayo sandwiches for lunch
put me right off them.
(Great Amy, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 12:49, closed)

Sick
Thats what i have in my mouth now... Thanks hankey
( jakedamusss I understand, and dont care., Fri 19 Feb 2010, 12:54, closed)

Could've been much worse
She could've grabbed your head and had been rubbing her fresh cream pie in your face before you realised.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 13:11, closed)

Yet again spanky
comes up trumps

but yes, lunchtime - extra mayo on your sandwich sir?
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 13:12, closed)

Gonna be a good week.
I've almost pissed myself with laughter yet again.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 13:47, closed)

Happened to a friend of mine
Except he didn't know his girlfriend had just been with someone else until they started getting down to it. It put him right off.

"I didn't fancy stirring someone else's porridge." was how he put it.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 14:53, closed)

I got a blowjob
off some classy young lady in a club (well, the car park) years back and then went back inside, in the 2 mins of me getting to the bar and back to her she was snogging another bloke, Stirring my porridge with his tongue. Poor bloke.
(Kip, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 15:36, closed)

I wouldn't be able to resist going over
and saying, "I've just had my cock in there."
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 15:53, closed)

I very nearly did
but thought in the reverse situation, I'd rather not know, so left them to it.
(Kip, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 15:57, closed)

This is the stuff nightmares are made of
Nightmare where you puke. Lots. *clicks*
(Grabby, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 16:46, closed)

you've helped my diet
as i'm about to puke :(
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 18:45, closed)

Good God
this is disgusting AND funny!
(Super Soaker, Sat 20 Feb 2010, 0:24, closed)

Christ on a bike
Another winner :D
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Sun 21 Feb 2010, 16:09, closed)

you didn't see that comming?
although I was kinda expecting something about spicy and lady bits, I hear they don't go together so well.
(MrPlankton, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 5:32, closed)