Marty Bung Nardy Burgees of the Gods.
Bonus points if you can recite the recipe in less than 3 seconds.

2 All beef patties,
"Special Sauce",
Lettuce,
Cheese,
Pickles,
Onions
on a sesame seed bun.

Hmmm...
I used to work with a young man who amongst other 'ailments' had been diagnosed as having Prader–Willi and (get this!) "Selective Tourettes".
I shit you not.
He knew me as "Marty Bung Nardy" which roughly translated as - I vaguely looked like some bloke called Marty who he had known. And on my first shift the car (nardy) for the group home in which he lived had broken down (bung). Hence - "Marty", "bunged" the "nardy".

He absolutely loved Mickey D's and would loudly shout out "Burgeeeez" anytime we drove past one in the bus. Suffice to say he didn't mind a big mac or 57 if he could get his hands on them - thank fuck for drive thru.
So I eventually made him my fave burger. And not surprisingly it shut him the fuck up. For about 5 min.

All of the "cooking" can be done on a cafe press.
Slice a wholemeal bun in half.
Swipe each cut side with dob of butter.
Place cut side down onto pre-heated press.
Smoosh some minced meat (your choice) into a patty that is slightly bigger than the bun.
Finely slice some tomato, cheese and rolled lettuce leaves.
Grate some carrot. Open a tin of sliced beetroot.
By this time the buns should be done - place them together cut-side in.
Chuck a patty or 2 into the press and crack an egg in to one side. Press down & cook. A mortar and pestle make a good weight.
Turn patties (and egg if you don't like it sunny-side) a couple of times till cooked.
EDIT: You could also cook up a ring of pineapple and some short-cut bacon. If you're a fatty like me.
Smear some mayonnaise and or mustard onto the bottom of the bun.
Place Burgeee, then cheese.
Then tomato and carrot and then a few slices of beetroot.
Then place the egg.
Finally squirt a glob of tomato sauce onto the top of the bun. Press the lettuce onto that.
Now marry the two parts together pressing the top bun onto the burger and stuff.

Cut into half if you are a girly nancy or just fucking dislocate your jaws and take a bite.
"Tourrettes Boy" fucking loved Marty Bung Nardy Burgees.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 4 Jul 2013, 8:36, 14 replies)

Grating fresh beetroot and cooking it with vinegar
is nicer than taking it from a jar, if you can a) be bothered, b) find uncooked beetroot.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 8:58, closed)

I'd do beetroot ceviche
but maybe doing a proper pickle with spices would be even better?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:15, closed)

On reflection,
just opening a jar reduces the likelihood of you, and all you love, getting dyed pink, so maybe you were right the first time.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:41, closed)

you got it wrong
no free small fries for you

and it was 2 seconds

lucky for you you can cook
(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:34, closed)

Where I came from if you could do the incantation in 4 sec. you got it free.
Thangyew.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:43, closed)

i just timed myself
1.87 seconds.....still got the magic

no pickle thanks
(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:46, closed)

Keen
or something.

Now - recite the Quoran in under 2 min.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:05, closed)

more like a memory test
like do i still have one
(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 14:04, closed)

It would be easier just to go to McDonald's.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:35, closed)

There should be a special place in hell*
reserved for people who call it "Mickey D's"
( wakeupandsmellthebacon, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:09, closed)

yup
along with people who call spaghetti bolognese 'Spag bog'

cunts to a man
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:11, closed)

Yes, along with
"Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah" before you've finished talking.
Twats.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:25, closed)

Yup.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:36, closed)

and those cunts who say yup
cunts
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 11:10, closed)

Just let me have a machine-gun again and I can sort all of this out.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 11:18, closed)

can you get

people who don't pick up after their dogs
people with decorated wheely bins
people with freckly knees

that's it

thanks
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 11:26, closed)

Also all the whingey, whiney
flouncers.

Especially them.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 4 Jul 2013, 13:36, closed)

Not the place to ask this, I know
On the board I'm currently seeing this as 6 replies but when I go to the thread there are obviously more (14). Does this mean someone has me on Ignore? If so, how is it that I can read their replies? I have no-one on ignore myself.
( wakeupandsmellthebacon, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 11:24, closed)

Current count on this thread is 8/15
Yet other threads appear to be counted correctly. I don't ignore so it's not that. Have you tried turning it off and back on again?
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 4 Jul 2013, 11:55, closed)

I think that editing the original post will lock the reply count.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 12:36, closed)

Aha
Thanks for that!
( wakeupandsmellthebacon, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 12:58, closed)

I did edit with the pineapple and bacon bit.
Sorry to make you paranoid.
Or not....
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 4 Jul 2013, 13:32, closed)