Sabotage the meal, not the food!
I was at my ex-wifes parents house one Sunday for a meal. There was her mum and her boyfriend, her sister and her boyfriend, and me and the wife.

As normally happened I was getting the short end of the stick from the in-laws due to the fact that they were all 'Born Again Christians' and I don't believe in any type of god.

So about half way through the meal the conversation turns to spiritual matters, and I'm keeping my mouth full with food so that I don't start argueing with them about the shit that's sprewing out of their mouths. They were of the type of people who believed every word in the bible ffs!

Finally they decide to have a conversation that I would join in with and started to talk about the food, where they got it, how nice it was and so on. Great I thought, now I can get some revenge for the crap that I've just had to sit and listen to. I then preceded to ecplain to them exactly how the veal we were eating got to the table, and just how the farmer raises it and how it's slaughtered! They all went white and one of them had to rush to the toilet to puke.

I was never ask back for a meal after that, for which I was thankful! I did manage to snaffle the veal all to myself though, which was good.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 23 Sep 2008, 13:27, 8 replies)

I love it
when people try that sort of thing with me. I lap it up- and if I know that someone's going to try it and I get a choice (in a restaurant, for example) I go straight for the medium-rare or rare steak. Just so I can smile a toothy, bloody, carnivorous smile and unnerve everyone.

It's especially fun if there's a militant veggie at the table too!
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Tue 23 Sep 2008, 14:25, closed)

"It's especially fun if there's a militant veggie at the table too!"
I agree. I'm vegetarian myself, but whatever goes on your plate is your business alone. Give interfering gits what they deserve.

Why steak, though? Why not ribs? Rip the meat directly from the bone, like a hungry lion.
(Musuko, Tue 23 Sep 2008, 18:06, closed)

Steak
Ah but with a good steak you can have it practically raw, so not only can you smile that delicious bloody smile, but you can also soak all the juices up with the veg - which then taste great and look like a cross between a greengrocers storeroom and a tampon bin.

Try that with ribs and you'll spend two days sieving through your explosive runny shit in case your colon prolapses from the explusionary force.
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Wed 24 Sep 2008, 0:24, closed)

blue steak ftw

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 0:48, closed)

i agree, but i found that
the french cook it best. not a stereotype, i had blue steak in paris and it was like the food of the gods.

not sure i'd go for blue in blighty, unless i knew the restaurant was quality.

(also, herr doktor and uber, nice work. if people try to tell me how meat is bad i tell them that i love the charred flesh of dead animals.)
(stapleface, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 1:01, closed)

I do that too
Now the vegetarians I know have all taken the hint and will say nothing about the meat I eat. It just disturbs them when they do.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 8:46, closed)

is there such a thing
as an anti-vegetarian (small children don't count)?

I'm 25 and don't eat vegetables - is this a normal occurence, or is it just another string on my weirdness bow?
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 1:40, closed)

My ex wife
wasn't particularly fond of vegetables.

Which she kind of had to overcome when she decided to become a vegetarian after the foot and mouth outbreak of 2001...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:26, closed)