Food fun and exploding birds
Coasty parts are blighted with foul stinky seagulls - rats with wings, and much more disgusting and aggressive than the pigeons in Trafalgar Square.

Greed is their thang.

Early adolescent sabbotage attempts included feeding the feathery bastards small mustard sandwiches, then watching them cough and flap about trying to put out the fire.... but later we discovered Steradent tablets. These are the fizzy-when-wet things oldsters use to steralise their false teeth, and can easily be stolen from your grandparents' bedside table.

All you do is put a couple in a bread envelope, and wait for a likely seagull... the unsuspecting victim will eat it's booty whole, in one gulp.

Then you wait.

Typically the gull will puff up like a balloon and fall over comically skwawking and looking like a feathery beach ball... but one did actually explode, blowing a small hole in its crop.

I have yet to combine the mustard (tabasco praps) with Steradent tabs for the ultimate burning-mouth-before-exploding experience.

Seagulls. Bastards. Who needs 'em?
(bastardboy loves his mummeh, but hoo is daddeh?, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:28, 11 replies)

*shakes head*
Bollocks.

Birds can vomit and burp.

Do this to a rat, it'll die.
A bird? Nope.
( Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:29, closed)

the most shit-headed acts
are always the ones that turn out to be made up.

Does this make them less pathetic, or more?
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:36, closed)

I'd go with more.
I mean, it's one thing to do something twattish, but quite another to make up doing something, and the lie to people about it, just to make yourself sound cooler.

*shakes head slowly*
( Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:37, closed)

when I was about 10
me, me brother and a mate 'borrowed' my dads gun and shot a seal.

I made a pair of giant mittens out of it's front flippers, claws and all.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:44, closed)

that's nothing...
...I raped a hedgehog
(bobman500 enjoys a grope as much as the next fella, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:31, closed)

yeh...
....but it was my sloppy seconds
(dangleberries, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:01, closed)

Myth Busted!
Apparently the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!
(keyboardman, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:28, closed)

Harsh
but fair
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:35, closed)

Exploding seagulls
Isn't this an urban legend?
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Wed 24 Sep 2008, 22:40, closed)