Squirming on my tongue
It was near the end of another year at school, and time for the summer fete. The call went out for volunteers to run stalls, and a select few of us formed a plan - a plan that would make us rich beyond the dreams of avarice!

Stage one was to approach our form tutor and suggest our stall. This went off without a hitch. Stage two was the construction of our apparatus - again, a simple task. We made ourselves a poster, laid our claim to a prime piece of playing field and, the day before the fete, procured our final component. All was ready.

"Maggot Racing!" our sign proudly proclaimed. The track was a simple wooden tray, painted with gridlines and with ineptly-constructed balsa wood lane dividers. The competitors, in several attractive colours, were procured from the local fishing shop and writhing away in their tubs. The concept was simple: 5p buys you a maggot, 10 maggots to a race, and the owner of the first maggot across the finish line takes home 25p, with the rest of the entry fees as profit. Not profit for us, you understand, profit for the school. Our plan was more cunning than simple embezzlement.

There were three of us. The school insisted that two of us man the stall at all times, but this left the third free to pretend to be a punter. When purchasing their maggots for a race punters usually just picked a colour, although the more serious gambler would often specify a particular maggot and the occasional adventurous soul would choose their own by hand. The maggots were then placed on their lanes under starters orders until we had enough for the race to begin. It was perfectly legal to handle your maggot prior to a race, although this wasn't advertised and most were content to allow their wriggly athletes to prepare themselves in solitude. We, however, knew better.

Whichever of us was playing the punter would purchase a single maggot for the next race. The runner would be selected for the enthusiasm of its thrashing about in the tub. Unknown to many, maggots perform best in a racing situation when warm, and so the little fella would be swiftly placed onto the tongue and held in the mouth, there to squirm around in moist, warm, dark ecstacy until the starting pistol. Better than half the time, to the disgust of the other gamblers, the mouth-maggot would romp home to an easy victory and another 25p would join our rapidly growing fortune. At peak times we were raking in almost £3 an hour!

At the end of a long day, we had accumulated a total of around a tenner - a fortune! When we realised that this would then have to be divided between three of us it was a slightly less impressive fortune, but still none too shabby.

Obviously we immediately spunked most of our ill-gotten gains trying to win a bottle of Liebfraumilch on the tombola, but just think what we could have accomplished with a bit of investment! Stuff the horses, maggot racing is the future.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 16:11, 9 replies)

So, for £3.33 each
you actually put maggots in your mouths?

Yeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuch
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 1 Aug 2008, 16:33, closed)

that's bonus!
There's plenty of anglers do that for nothing! (only the crusty type that sit by ponds though - sea fishermen like myself are a much more dashing and dangerous breed!)
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 17:25, closed)

I'll click
because you have completetly sickened me, thus saving me $2.59 (yes, 'Merkin). I had planned to spend that on my after-work snack.
(BrainSurgerysFun, Sat 2 Aug 2008, 0:37, closed)

I've got a tenner
that says we must be able to persuade you to harbour something even more grisly within the confines of your oral cavity...



*clicky*
( thealternativefact, Sun 3 Aug 2008, 18:54, closed)

That's just mean, Clendrix.
I hate you.

*cries*
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 4 Aug 2008, 11:46, closed)

What about
if I buy you some beers to wash it down with?

*watches wookiee wrestle with free beer versus spider conundrum*
( thealternativefact, Mon 4 Aug 2008, 12:55, closed)

See also:
Throwing Darts At Photos of Teachers

Ch-ching!

Have a *click*
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Mon 4 Aug 2008, 18:03, closed)

Had a wee lol @ "moist, warm, dark ecstacy "
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 12:40, closed)