Are You Sitting Comfortably???
Last summer I spent a weekend of discovery up in Chestyfield, where my parents live for half the year before they fuck off to Italy to piss about in the sun, the lucky fuckers.

It was the first time my parents met my current girlfriend, the woman who has agreed to be Mrs Hanky one day, the delectable and incredibly edible Liz.

We clambered off the train; my old man was waiting for us. The first thing he said to Liz was:

"My! Aren't you pretty!" in such a surprised tone that he may as well have said: What the fuck's an attractive woman like you doing with my mong-twat elephant man wanker of an ugly cunt son?

Fast-forward to my parents house.

Tea. Biscuits. Smalltalk. Baby photos. The fucking works.

Thankfully my parents got on with Liz like the veritable house on fire. Everything was going swimmingly. It was a fucking hot day, so Liz and I slink off to the guest bedroom to get a bit of kip before the old dears take us out for a slap up meal.

Lying on the bed in the mid afternoon heat, I start feeling a little frisky and move in for my patent pending spooning with additional clandestine five-fingered fanny grope. Liz was having none of it:

"Not in your parents house!" she said, slapping my sweaty mitts away.

Fuck...

So she goes to sleep. I get bored and go back downstairs. Watch a bit of TV, catch up with my mum, get fed more sandwiches with the crusts cut off than any man can handle without suffering a serious internal injury.

About an hour later I realise my dad's fucked off into the garden.

"Has he started smoking again?" I ask my mum.

She shakes her head 'no', so I amble out back and find my old man sitting in the shed with the door open, gazing intently up...

... I go and stand next to him, he glances at me and says:

"You alright, Spanky?" then he returns his attention to the side of the house.

I follow his gaze...

"Errr... Dad... stoppit, ehh?" I say.

"What? Oh, sorry..." and he stands up - he'd even set up a camping chair so he could watch in comfort - and moves off. "She's a very nice girl," he says over his shoulder. "Very nice... like your mother when she was her age..." he says whimsically.

And I look back up at the guest bedroom window where Liz is stood, topless, her perky norks on full show like a prossie in an Amsterdam window, as she rubs aftersun on herself; her usual ritual after a summers day snooze.

I actually felt violated...

I recall spending the evening at the restaurant surreptitiously comparing Liz's tits with my mums, hoping and praying to the sweet baby Jesus that gravity wouldn't reap the same terrible fucking revenge on my girlfriend's knockers as it had done on dear ol' mum's...

"What are you looking at, Spanky?" asked Liz.

"Oh, nothing..."

And then I shared a silent Wonder Years moment with my dad when he caught my eye. We came close to hugging. It was intense, I can tell you...
( SpankyHanky, Thu 30 Apr 2009, 17:35, 11 replies)

*clicks*
heartwarming
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 30 Apr 2009, 17:46, closed)

^surprisingly so^
Am I the only one that saw this was a Spanky post, and expected it to descend into a sordid tale of incest?

Oh well, the week's still young, I guess...
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Thu 30 Apr 2009, 17:51, closed)

It's heartwarming to know
that SpankyHanky is continuing the family tradition.

It's even more heartwarming to know that there is a SpankyAscot or something out there.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 30 Apr 2009, 17:57, closed)

Er...
...awesome. I think. *click*
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Thu 30 Apr 2009, 18:04, closed)

Awwww
*sniffs*
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Thu 30 Apr 2009, 18:18, closed)

You soppy old thing, you...

twisted, perverted, brilliant, and downright filthy...but soppy.

*clickety*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 30 Apr 2009, 18:31, closed)

heart warming stuff
spanky *click*
(Errin C, Thu 30 Apr 2009, 19:09, closed)

explains
alot this post does. Clicks.
(Lizard King, Thu 30 Apr 2009, 19:42, closed)

You dirty young pervert.
Trying to imagine the tits of your mother as a young woman? Wank tank? You bet.
*Click*
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 30 Apr 2009, 21:47, closed)

You had me at
mong-twat

*click*
(Super Oaf Petit filous?, Fri 1 May 2009, 12:50, closed)

I loved the Wonder Years
and I love this post - thanks Spanky
(Grrrrr Tigers, Fri 1 May 2009, 13:23, closed)