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This is a question Turning into your parents

Unable to hold back the genetic tide, I find myself gardening in my carpet slippers, asking for a knife and fork in McDonalds and agreeing with the Daily Telegraph. I'm beyond help - what about you?

Thanks to b3th for the suggestion

(, Thu 30 Apr 2009, 13:39)
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'Rents Rock!
I’ve not yet turned into my parents, but I hope one day I will.

Both of them are kind, loving, generous and funny – and the reality is, I’m moody, angry, hopelessly disorganised, borderline alcoholic, and pretty much an abject failure.

I wonder if I’ve been spoilt by them, given that however many cock-ups I make, they don’t judge me, they say they are proud of me – and the remained proud as I went through a messy marriage split and a period of unemployment. The sage advice coming from my father – a man of few words – always amazes me, his reaction to my obvious distress at no being able to pay my rent owing to me having no income at the time ‘well Son, you let me pay your rent for you, I’ll sleep better if I know where you are sleeping’ – now, they aren’t wealthy in the way a lot of people are, they have a fairly comfortable retirement based on both of them having worked full-time for years, but they aren’t ‘minted’ (my Dad has never had a ‘new’ car for example and they holiday about once a year) and my Mother is practical is so many ways – everything from ‘accidently getting her online grocery shopping delivered to mine (despite the fact our food tastes are wildly different, she – somehow – managed to ‘mis-order’ and get things I’d use in everyday cooking) to calling me up and inviting herself over with a mop and bucket to clean my flat because ‘in the way that food cooked for you always tastes better because it’s a treat, having someone else clean your home will make it look cleaner for longer’ – they also, for Christmas last year, gave me three-grand a massive gesture given (as a family) we never spend any more than about twenty-quid on each other – they said ‘early inheritance son, we want to see you enjoy it’ – and enjoy it I did – I reduced the balance on my credit card which, whilst not the ‘fun’ they’d anticipated, the told me that me being ‘responsible’ with that money makes them ‘happy’ and that when I can afford it, I should really book a holiday as I could do with some ‘downtime’.

I’ve put them through the mill with my antics over the years, arrests and convictions at football matches – my fault completely – bringing marriage separation to the family for the first time – partly my fault – not working for 6 months with a bout of relationship based depression and my own miscalculations. I feel like I’ve punished them and I need to take stock and start trying to be more like them.

One day, I hope I’m able to give them that things they need – emotionally and financially.

I don’t consider myself to have been a ‘great son’ and I often question the ‘unconditional love’ of our parents. How many times have I opted to go out for a drink with friends, rather than popping in for a cuppa with the folks? How many times have I spent evenings on the phone chewing the fat with people about nothing in particular, when I could be on the phone to my mum, who, whilst I don’t always find the conversation entertaining, will get a kick out of speaking to me and I will too - because one day, these conversations will stop. How they can still love me so much after all these years is baffling.

Both my folks are in their 70’s and they’ve sacrificed loads to give me the start in life they never had themselves. Where a weeks wage was less than some London bars charge for a single solitary pint of imported lager and yet despite all of this, they think nothing of sharing what they have with those closest to them.

Me? I know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

I’m not sure what life event I need to undergo to become less selfish, but once that happens, I’ll be looking at the benchmark set for me and if I can be half as good as them, I won’t be too disappointed.

Mum’s and Dad’s everywhere – I salute you.

(, Fri 1 May 2009, 10:25, 9 replies)
you should show them this.
(, Fri 1 May 2009, 10:38, closed)
May I suggest something?
Write this out and send it to them.

Edit - two great minds think alike.
(, Fri 1 May 2009, 10:38, closed)
Totally agree with the ladies ^^

Just writing this has added a few valuable emotional years for you. From what you've written, you are now able to see just what unconditional love means. Our little Sprog is finding her feet in London and, though we are up to our necks in debt, will put £100 in her account to make sure she doesn't bust her overdraft. We'd rather go without a holiday altogether than think of her not sleeping through money worries.

Act on your own advice - take the pair of them out for a meal and tell them how much you appreciate all they've done. Then MAN THE FUCK UP and get on with the rest of your life.
(, Fri 1 May 2009, 10:50, closed)
Don't tell us. Tell them.

ah damn, you already failed the first part of this, don't fuck up the second bit now!
(, Fri 1 May 2009, 13:32, closed)
I have to say
That's a genuinely touching tribute to your folks, there.

So much so that I won't even mention the superfluous apostrophes in the last line.
(, Fri 1 May 2009, 10:59, closed)

Lovely work. Please make sure the right people get to read/hear it.
(, Fri 1 May 2009, 11:09, closed)
Well said!
A heartwarming post. Good Man.
(, Fri 1 May 2009, 13:02, closed)
"I wonder if I’ve been spoilt by them"?
Well, in my opinion. Yes. Yes, you have been spoilt by them.

You made mistake after mistake and they clear up the mess.

You'll never learn to stand on your own two feet because you know that they'll always be there to bail you out; so with that 'cushion' you can carry on selfishly through life.

You can't choose your family, and your parents sound great. In fact, it sounds as if they deserve somebody better. But still, They're not doing you any long-term favours by constantly taking away the chance to allow you to grow as a person, and letting you suffer the consequences of your own actions.

One day they're not going to be there, and then you'll be fucked.

Next time they offer to help, don't accept it, say instead that you're going to sort out your problems on your own.

That will be the best way to thank them.
(, Fri 1 May 2009, 13:16, closed)
I never do this....
but f**ck off!! I think his parents know him better than anyone and we ALL have our nuances, no one is perfect.

If you bother to find out about the real person you would see he had a house, he has done grown up things and I don't think his parents need YOU standing up for THEM.

I may have got this all out of proportion but this is just what I felt after reading your comment...
(, Fri 1 May 2009, 13:58, closed)

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