Parents
I am not like my Dad in many ways, but then again I don't come from a broken home with an violent Alcoholic as a "Dad". I also didn't grow up in a post-war bombed out hovel in Swansea's Docklands, So I'll forgive him his faults, as If I had had that upbringing, I would have been a lot worse.

Whatever faults I have are my own responsibility, but whatever virtues I have inherited from him, I thank him for.

You people who blame your assholedom on your olds, most of you lot should stop whinging like a bunch of pussies and grow the f@#$ up.

Have a good day.
(micmac is happy as a pig in shite, Sat 2 May 2009, 22:51, 14 replies)

It seems
I'm the first one to begin the inevitable flaming that is due to come your way.

I'm not going to get into the perenially thorny issue of nature versus nurture, but you should really be choosing your words with a little more care. And tact.

Our parents are one of the single biggest influences on our lives, and it takes a lot to de-program some of the shit that the less parentally-inclined put their children through. Whilst you have your opinion and you're quite welcome to stick to it, I would put it to you that those who still have personal problems as a result of parental abuse when they were children are not, as you so indelicately put it a "whinging [...] bunch of pussies" who need to "grow the f@#$ up". They are people with a set of personal problems that I couldn't even hope to comprehend, much less help with. And
for the record, I've never been abused myself. Crass statements such as yours do very little to help matters.

Oh, and one final thing. We are allowed to swear on this board. So grow some fucking balls and don't asterisk out your swearing, it makes you look even more retarded than your previous statements have done.

*Deep breath*
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sat 2 May 2009, 23:23, closed)

Flaming
Fair enough, but take note I said "most" not "all". Have you ever met a person who acts like a complete cunt to everyone, and blames it on his upbringing? If you can recognize you behavior is bad, you can change it. If you cant, or won't change it, don't expect my tolerance.
BTW. I have been abused, physically and emotionally by my Father, and sexually by a babysitter. I am not, and have never been, abusive to my Family or friends as a result.
I think that shows I have more "balls" than swearing on a message board.
(micmac is happy as a pig in shite, Sun 3 May 2009, 2:51, closed)

OK, fair enough
But your original post did come across as a bit holier than thou. Perhaps if you'd expanded it a bit you wouldn't have got the flaming.

But good on you for having dealt with shit and come out of it without using it as a prop. You're right; a lot of people do.

I'd probably be a lot more lucid if it wasn't 3 am :)
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 3 May 2009, 3:10, closed)

I can't say as I have.
That said, I'm quite patient, usually. All the people I have met with that kind of past tend to be kind and gentle individuals with a few issues that can generally be worked around. But then again, my experience of this is limited.

And I think your statement regarding being unwilling to change negative behaviours applies to all people, not just those unfortunate enough to have a childhood like the one you say you experienced.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 3 May 2009, 11:27, closed)

couldn't agree
more
(Errin C, Sat 2 May 2009, 23:53, closed)

don't you find it a bit chilly
way up there on that fucking high horse?
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 2 May 2009, 23:57, closed)

Wow. Someone's a little pious aren't they?
I'm sure you've lived the charmed life and all but you know other people here haven't been so lucky. By being such a fucking arsehole yourself, you're showing no sympathy, no empathy for anyone here who HAS been abused or had a shitty upbringing.

There are people here who have been beaten, abused, raped, watched their parents screaming at each other, been thrown out of home.
You honestly think that we don't absorb any of this? You honestly think that some people who go through all this don't turn to alcohol to cope? or to drugs? or violence themselves? you don't think they get so angry and frightened they don't realise who they're becoming?

You want to state an opinion? Fine. Fucking state it. Don't be a fucking window licking duvet case mong about it. Don't act like you're so brilliant when you're not.

I bid thee - ignored.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 2 May 2009, 23:59, closed)

Oh
shitty biscuits. I clicked on the wrong button, so it now seems I like this.

Cockwank.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Sun 3 May 2009, 1:32, closed)

So what do you blame your assholedom on?
as clearly you have some tolerance and empathy problems!

MASSIVE HYPOCRISY AHOY:

a) "So I'll forgive him his faults, as If I had had that upbringing, I would have been a lot worse...."

b) "You people who blame your assholedom on your olds, most of you lot should stop whinging like a bunch of pussies and grow the f@#$ up."
(bacontrout got ska, Sun 3 May 2009, 11:12, closed)

Hypocrisy?
If I am an asshole, its my fault, no one else.

My old man has told me that he regrets the way that he was towards us, and now he realizes that he was wrong to act the way he did, but at the time he saw nothing wrong with it "spare the rod" etc. Which is the thrust of my post. If you know at the time you are doing wrong, stop doing it.

As for tolerance and empathy, clearly you don't know me well enough to make that call sunshine.

I think that some people use other peoples good nature for their own ends, and as an excuse not to take responsibility foe their behavior. If that makes be a horrible person, well the only people who I need to convince of my worth are my Family, the rest of you can draw your own conclusions, I don't care one way or the other.
(micmac is happy as a pig in shite, Sun 3 May 2009, 11:48, closed)

"As for tolerance and empathy, clearly you don't know me well enough to make that call sunshine."
Well I can only go on what I see. I have passed judgement on your initial post - just as your initial post was passing judgement on any number of people you probably "don't know well enough". To tell me I can't may be a touch hypocritical.

But the point really was how you can forgive your Dad's actions, even going as far as to say "if I'd had that upbringing it would've made me worse for it", yet you are unable to extend that charity to any other person in the world ever. These things are hypocrisy to me.
(bacontrout got ska, Sun 3 May 2009, 13:17, closed)

Clarification
The post was aimed at those who use their upbringing as a reason not to attempt change in bad behavior that they know is bad, rather than those who have had a bad experience, and who suffer and struggle with it. I apologize if I didn't make that clear (which I didn't).
(micmac is happy as a pig in shite, Sun 3 May 2009, 20:04, closed)

some people
coming from an abusive relationship with their parent(s) may not have the emotional, physical or intellectual capacity or fortitude to distinguish (and therefore make an effort to eradicate) "bad" behavior that they know is "bad". it's a herculean task for most to come to terms and make an effort to be "good", despite all they have been told or experienced.in my opinion,to attain (and maintain) a healthy sexual, emotional and intellectual disposition takes a hell of a lot of work, regardless of your past circumstances, especially in times like these ( is there any other kind?)

the hardest thing for me was to forgive. i'll never forget, but when i truly forgave (not to sound like a twat but i probably do) the scales fell from my eyes, and i could breath and live again.

i burnt her up 8 years ago now. for a time i hated her more than i thought it possible to hate another human being. the only person i have ever really hated, actually. hated her the only way a son could hate his mother, for i loved her as much. still do ( love her).

i'm not a "hard" man, nor do i wish to be. by all accounts, and judging by your logic i should fucking well be, and have every right to be.but it's hard to be hard. it's not my bag. i want (and will) to love my wife and kids when the time comes.to give them what i didn't have at the time. but the only way to do that is to love yourself first, which sometimes seems impossible.

for the record i know my mother loved me to the ends of the earth. she was the most intelligent, empathetic, stubborn and vital person i have ever known. but she didn't love herself.she was a star. and then she was a supernova. i reel in her wake, eat her dust, and still roil from her energy.

the greatest contradiction in my life is how she was such an epic fail, yet she infused within my brother and i the tools and temperance to be compassionate, understanding, and tough as nails =)

live and let live (within reason - personally not down with paedos, thieves and the like)

let sleeping dogs lie

forgive, but never forget

i'd do anything to hear her voice again. i see her in dreams, and for that i am blessed.

R.I.P mom, because i know you never had peace in your waking life.

that being said, this is my post, really not meaning to come off as a righteous twat. it's midnight, i've had a few, and this QOTW obviously cut me to the quick.

there are no things - only possibilities
UNCERTAINTY IS CERTAIN
(goorf, Mon 4 May 2009, 7:08, closed)

Clarification
OK, what I said obviously hurt a lot of people who it wasn't aimed at.I wouldn't wish to belittle their struggle and their fortitude in dealing with an abusive childhood, and I don't think they should "toughen up", if by that you mean become a hard, abusive person. Being strong is different from being tough or hard.

I didn't have any kids until I was 28 because I was terrified that my experience would make me a paedophile, I also stopped drinking for 4 years because I got pissed and rowed with my wife, and was scared that I would become violent in drink. There are some who can't help but be damaged by a bad childhood, and struggle to be a good person despite the damage done to them, and a salute them, they have dealt with more than I have, and many of them are better people than I.

However, I have met people who will justify violence towards others, sexual predation and criminality because of abuse they received, and have even used this as a excuse for murder. You can't have a free pass for acting evil because you were treated badly. If you think that, I will respectfully disagree. The guy who abused me and my sister was abused, so does that mean he should be excused?

You are not one of the people I was thinking of when I wrote my original post, and neither are all the others who struggle to rise above their bad experiences, but as you said: live and let live (within reason - personally not down with paedos, thieves and the like)

Again, I am sorry if I offended, that wasn't my intention
(micmac is happy as a pig in shite, Thu 7 May 2009, 8:35, closed)