666 behind my left ear
My name is Damien. Not a good start, but the movie 'The Omen' isn't famous at all where I am from (France) and people don't think "Devil" when they hear it.
That said, when I turned 11 or so I felt like travelling the world and after watching a documentary about missionaries I believe that this was what I was meant to do. And so Damien worked on becoming a priest (I'm sure a little kid in Africa dies every time somebody reads that last sentence out loud).

At the time I really enjoyed female company but my thirst for adventure was overwhelming and so I started attending church (more than I did before) without really questioning any of it but really just to get brownie point with the priest (not literally, no). To me the idea of having people do good around them was a great one, whether or not the stories were true and whether or not god existed. What I didn't like was the fact that the church would scare people into being good people (do this or you ll go to hell), something which worked in Medieval France, but not quite in modern days.

I went on to march a pilgrimage, 114K one, with 1000s of people, in 3 days, I was 12 and my feet were quite literally fubar after the 3 days of intensive walking. Most important of all, my faith had left me by the end of it and here are the reasons why:

1- I got my butt kicked by a bunch of extremists, for listening to my portable tape player (with headphones on I'd like to point out) while walking as I was ''not giving 100% of my thoughts to Christ''...what. They made such a big fuss that the marshals had to move me to another group of pilgrims and told me I'd get kicked out if I didn't stop being a little shit. Now keep in mind I only said one word during the whole thing "what?"; and that, and I kid you not, some people were singing in the background about "loving thy neighbour" I was rather upset. I was listening to Queen.

2- "Christ wants you to be in pain" a woman said to me "That is how you show him you love him". To which I replied "That's quite mean; If I were Christ I wouldn't want anyone to be in pain for me" - cue shitstorm numero deux; and another bollocking, this time I was kicked out of the last few Kilometres of day 1 and had to finish them on the bus with the loonies singing happy Jesus songs and a couple of women crying next to me while reciting prayers.

3- I had to cope with constant slagging of other religions are they are not the "true religion". The constant, borderline hatred, that was going on between groups of believers were so intense that a fight broke out between a black lady and a white man; something which in itself is quite ridiculous when you are meant to be praying for world peace. This story wouldn't be what it is though if it wasn't for the racist comments that followed later on that day about "the black one staying in her cage" classy, love thy negro Jesus once said. I was quite literally speechless.

The rest of the journey was really difficult and ended with a mass in Latin (studied the language for 4 years and I hate it with a passion) where the priest would turn his back to the crowd constantly, speaking to the cross for a couple of hours, something which I found to be rude and also very unfriendly. At that point people started falling asleep and were asked to leave - Jesus has no time for sleepy people!!

That was enough for me to realise that most of them were a bunch of hypocrites and cocks who, without a doubt, are fully aware of their inner animal and feel obliged to pray daily in order for god to send them to heaven (or in order for them to feel better about it). It just wasn't for me.

On another note, my grand-mother found out that I changed my mind and did not want to become a priest, she was really upset and a few weeks later told that me that I had the devil in me, and that I was possessed (she is half gipsy and full on Virgin Mary fan and unfortunately not aware of the movie The Omen otherwise they could have sued her for plagiarism). I haven't spoken to her since then or to any of my christian friends, family members.

So, Damien has since then followed his passion (and vocation) which is to make love to women, while smoking weed, and eating chocolate whenever he feels like it. Credit goes to god for creating all of those natural things for him to enjoy.

GG
(Omikron404, Tue 24 Mar 2009, 18:00, 4 replies)

Nice story
*click*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 24 Mar 2009, 22:17, closed)

We're part of the same church!
"make love to women, while smoking weed, and eating chocolate whenever he feels like it".


My kinda faith. All we need is a snappy-dressed leader and some great slogans and we'll make a mint.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 24 Mar 2009, 22:36, closed)

Have a click from me too
*clicks*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 25 Mar 2009, 9:24, closed)

Well done you for seeing the light.
Women and chocolate should be worshipped but be careful with the weed or else you will be seeing visions eventually.
( girlinthehole, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 10:19, closed)