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My pal inspects factories for a living, and I shall take his expert advice to the grave: "Never eat the meat pies". Tell us the best advice you've ever received.

(, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:54)
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Sitting with a dying person
means just that: sitting next to them, just being there for when they occasionally open their eyes.

Not talking, not plumping up the pillows, not offering tasty snacks or drinks, not holding their hand. Not even telling them that you're going now but will be back tomorrow - better to creep quietly away.

They don't need to hear about your new car or how the team's doing. All they want is to know that you care enough to give them your time, just staying beside them.

It feels as if you're doing nothing, just sitting silently, and not everyone can do it. If you can though, you are giving the dying person a gift of reassurance and peace. Nobody could do more for them.

Afterwards, your grieving will be gentler and your regrets fewer, and you will know that you did right.
(, Wed 26 May 2010, 9:22, 12 replies)
^ This ^

(, Wed 26 May 2010, 9:54, closed)
I see it more as an opportunity to address a captive audience about matters I think interesting or important.

(, Wed 26 May 2010, 9:58, closed)
And cheaper than Rohypnol.

(, Wed 26 May 2010, 10:01, closed)
And this is why b3ta is great.
(, Wed 26 May 2010, 15:41, closed)
Of course ...
if they haven't quite lost the will to live then discussing the finer points of the coalition or Jedwards latest foray into aural rape will speed them along.
(, Wed 26 May 2010, 10:25, closed)
Or just move straight on to the aural rape
(, Wed 26 May 2010, 10:29, closed)
How do you know this
Have you died before?
(, Wed 26 May 2010, 12:21, closed)
I am dreading the day
that I will have to do this for someone, probably my parents because I don't do death of pets well, let alone friends or family, but sage words indeed, as I would have probably done all the things that you said not to do...
(, Wed 26 May 2010, 14:04, closed)
I just did a little cry...
because I've been in this position more than once. Take heed.
(, Wed 26 May 2010, 14:27, closed)
Me too...
...and I was glad I was there, though 'glad' isn't exactly the right word. However, my thoughts were consumed with how fucking unfair it was that they were there at all, and still are more than 18 months after the day they died. It's proving a bit difficult to get past that one actually so if anyone has any advice on that...?
(, Wed 26 May 2010, 15:25, closed)
18 months, it's five minutes.
Give yourself a LOT more time. It never feels less unfair, but you do start to accept that this is how it was and their pain is over. You only have to deal with your own now.
(, Wed 26 May 2010, 17:06, closed)

It really is about time. It took me 2 years to be come to terms with my Dad dying.
I work on my own a lot and I spent far to much time thinking about his last morning.

Now he crops up in conversation in a positive way, and I can just think about the good times.
(, Wed 26 May 2010, 19:02, closed)

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