Practical jokes
Back when I was in primary school, I used to stay at my grandparents' house in the country during the summer holidays when my folks were at work. Now, all those weeks off with nothing but Pong for amusement (this makes me sound older than I am- it was in fact the early 90's- but hence my point is made) were rather dull for my young brain, so I decided to engage it in an infinitely more worthy and amusing activity: grandparent baiting.

I spent long hours concocting (in hindsight rather brilliant) practical jokes. Some were quick and nasty, such as luring poor gran into the bath to turn the temperature of the shower up, which I allegedly couldn't reach, while waiting in the wings for the precise moment to pull the power cord and see her soaked (this worked particularly well just after she'd just had her perm done). Another involved setting the plates inside the cupboard on a sheet of cardboard with a length of string taped to it, then carefully tying the other end of the string to the outer handle so that when the door was opened...

However, true genius was tested in the long game.

The most memorable of these has stuck in my mind as it was one of the few instances where my frankly obvious input was not suspected. One afternoon when the grandfolks were out gardening, I sneaked into their normally off-limits bedroom and had a good look around. I spotted the alarm clock: as good a start as any. The normal alarm time of 7am was put back to 2am. Then the alarm clock was then positioned behind the radiator.
I noticed that the lightswitch was some distance from the bed, and my grandpa kept a torch on the bedside table in case there was ever a power cut (it was very, very dark in the country at night). The batteries came out of the torch and put into gran's pillowcase. Then, that not being quite good enough, the torch went under the mattress for good measure. I left the room and cackled my pleasure.

That night I was in a particularly gleeful mood, but my parents only found out why in the morning...

My gran called at 7. She said she had had a terrible night. For a start, the bed felt terribly uncomfortable and she found it hard to get to sleep. Then, at 2am, the alarm clock had gone off for some reason, and reaching for the torch she found it was gone. Something was rolling around the bed- some batteries. Confused, the alarm clock still shrilly ringing, she fumbled for it on the table. It wasn't there. Had to get up and turn on the bright light... still no sign of the alarm clock. Eventually the strange vibrating quality to its ringing pointed to the radiator. How very odd. But anyway, she was terribly sorry, but she was too tired to take me today. My mum would have to take some leave and look after me at home. Grandpa must've been changing the batteries in the alarm clock and set it on the windowsill, where the curtains had knocked it behind the radiator. No sign of the torch though.


My mum was furious, but unable to prove anything as confessions were not forthcoming. After a day carousing around the street with my friends and eating ice-cream, I returned to the Grandparents' house, where I carefully retrieved the torch and returned it to its rightful place. To this day they still don't know it was me.
(Second sign of madness, Sun 5 Jun 2011, 19:49, 17 replies)

I read that as "they knew fine it was me and decided they couldn't be arsed putting up with me, cos I was a little knobend who should have been bleached out of his mothers womb, and enjoyed a day of their retirement instead."

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sun 5 Jun 2011, 21:01, closed)

That could be a brain tumor or cuntitis.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sun 5 Jun 2011, 21:10, closed)

I don't think it's either.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sun 5 Jun 2011, 21:17, closed)

Are you still this much of a prick?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 5 Jun 2011, 21:10, closed)

What a little swine you were!
(Skeuomorph, Sun 5 Jun 2011, 22:08, closed)

Your self congratulatory story of almighty shit cuntery has really touched me.
Thank you so much for sharing.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Sun 5 Jun 2011, 22:16, closed)

So your story is you acted like a cunt to people who love you ?
Just you wait until you are a parent and find out how fucking difficult getting childcare in the holidays is.
(Bitter and Twisted, Sun 5 Jun 2011, 23:15, closed)

I was really enjoying this QOTW until I arrived at this 'story'.

Why not read the other posts? You'll find some anger but mainly overwhelming love, admiration and humour.

I hope you die a sad, lonely and lingering death you self centred prick.
(Pugwash, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 0:37, closed)

You must be so proud of yourself.
Fucking twat.
(nolongernuts, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 1:51, closed)

And was your next "hilarious" joke...
... hiding their medication?
... or convincing them that they had burglars?
... or moving stuff about to make them think they had dementia?

I'd describe your behaviour as twattish at best.
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 8:11, closed)

This is either creative trolling, or you're a prick.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 8:41, closed)

What's creative about it?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 8:48, closed)

In that it has got us all shouting "prick!!".

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 9:00, closed)

I was shouting "you fucking ghastly wank-splash, you deserve to be buried up to the neck in sand and kicked to death by donkeys"
so it's creative in that regard.
(square go, Tue 7 Jun 2011, 19:48, closed)

I'm leaning towards it being trolling
In which case it has worked quite well.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 10:10, closed)

I hope by these replies
you realise what a shit you were to what seem like lovely grandparents and feel some remorse. you cunt.
( Filthy narwhal titty titty tits tits tits, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 10:01, closed)

Rabble rabble rabble
...rabble.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 18:37, closed)